[[[I think that as a community, the distinction between a "big" writer and a "small" writer might be more hazy than we realize. There are writers out there who I would consider to be "big," who still think of themselves as very small. And if the me from a year ago could see the me of right now, I would think of myself as being a "big" writer, even though I currently consider myself to be quite small.]]]

THIS!!! I've been writing in the BTS fandom for more than five years now, and there was once I met a moot in real life and they told me I was famous. Which really made me think, because while I'm doing pretty okay and definitely get more engagement than when I first started, I'm also one who's hardly on those top lists. I have fics that get barely any kudos/comments/engagement, and I have fics that are more well-liked. or at least were more well-liked once upon a time...

Numbers shouldn't matter and yet I patiently count and check for comments every time I post something. It took me very long to be okay with the fact that not everyone or every fic is going to be a fandom top #1-10.

even now I still get into bleak moods about my writing and engagement. we as writers/creators write or draw for free, because we have stories we want to tell, creativity we wish to unleash! we also shouldn't be too hard on ourselves for feeling down when the engagement (mayhaps one of the more tangible forms of "reward") isn't what we hoped for. it's valid!

hope this wasn't all over the place!
anons - you're NOT alone!
and readers/followers - share/ rave/ comment/ RT when you enjoy something! a small act of RTing/keyboard smashing is all may it take to make someone's day!