anonymous · 2d
I want to know how are you truly feeling. It makes me intrigued how someone like you has changed behaviors so drastically, from this controlled, organized, pretty meal, school, person to working in a club, dr***gs, chaos and more. (Btw, not saying one is better, I think you are just in the road of self-discovery not meant to come as rude :( ❤️)
How does this make you feel? Is there any goal you are looking to get in general? How’s your mental health? I remember you saying you had depression and ADHD
I don't even know if you'd read this but I worry about you. Take care of yourself as you'd take care of others because you deserve it ❤️❤️❤️
first of all i really appreciate that you worry and care about me it really means the world to me 🫂💗
as for the very drastic change of behaviour it’s bc i never really experienced typical “teen life” i’m subconsciously trying to make up for it now. i’ve been struggling with my mental health since when i was like 13 and bc of that past 8 years of my life i spent mostly at home trying to cope with life by obsessively controlling every aspect of it. when i developed my ed 6 years ago it was basically over for me, all i cared about was making perfect meals and staying skinny, i didn’t go out with my friends, i didn’t have hobbies or passions, i didn’t really care if i’ll make it to the next day if i’m being honest rn. when i moved out of my parents house last year i realized that life can be actually enjoyable and there’s so much more to it than just counting cals and bed rotting. i started going out more, started trying out new things, started being a lot more impulsive when it comes to making decisions etc.
how does this make me feel? in general i honestly really like my life rn i mean yeah i still struggle with my mental health but i’m also still in therapy. ofc there’s things i wish i could change or things i regret doing but i would never wanna go back to being the person i was at the begging of last year. i don’t really have goals or a 5 year plan, i’m content with what i have rn and the things i’m not happy with im working on changing. if now i wanna work in a strip club and smoke weed then so be it as long as i’m not hurting anyone. yes my life is very chaotic and hectic right now but honestly after years of reliving the same miserable day i really like it that way. but i’m not saying that wont change i mean that’s the nature of humans we change, we grow and we gain perspective on things we did in the past, so if i’ll wanna go back to being a full time pastry chef that drinks a silly little matcha every morning i will do that :)
i’m sorry about writing a whole ass essay i just feel like i needed to properly explain everything and answer your questions 😭 but thank you for checking on me and don’t worry i didn’t think that was rude or anything, take care and stay safe love 💗 💗
