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anonymous · 2d
I want to know how are you truly feeling. It makes me intrigued how someone like you has changed behaviors so drastically, from this controlled, organized, pretty meal, school, person to working in a club, dr***gs, chaos and more. (Btw, not saying one is better, I think you are just in the road of self-discovery not meant to come as rude :( ❤️)
How does this make you feel? Is there any goal you are looking to get in general? How’s your mental health? I remember you saying you had depression and ADHD
I don't even know if you'd read this but I worry about you. Take care of yourself as you'd take care of others because you deserve it ❤️❤️❤️
first of all i really appreciate that you worry and care about me it really means the world to me 🫂💗
as for the very drastic change of behaviour it’s bc i never really experienced typical “teen life” i’m subconsciously trying to make up for it now. i’ve been struggling with my mental health since when i was like 13 and bc of that past 8 years of my life i spent mostly at home trying to cope with life by obsessively controlling every aspect of it. when i developed my ed 6 years ago it was basically over for me, all i cared about was making perfect meals and staying skinny, i didn’t go out with my friends, i didn’t have hobbies or passions, i didn’t really care if i’ll make it to the next day if i’m being honest rn. when i moved out of my parents house last year i realized that life can be actually enjoyable and there’s so much more to it than just counting cals and bed rotting. i started going out more, started trying out new things, started being a lot more impulsive when it comes to making decisions etc.
how does this make me feel? in general i honestly really like my life rn i mean yeah i still struggle with my mental health but i’m also still in therapy. ofc there’s things i wish i could change or things i regret doing but i would never wanna go back to being the person i was at the begging of last year. i don’t really have goals or a 5 year plan, i’m content with what i have rn and the things i’m not happy with im working on changing. if now i wanna work in a strip club and smoke weed then so be it as long as i’m not hurting anyone. yes my life is very chaotic and hectic right now but honestly after years of reliving the same miserable day i really like it that way. but i’m not saying that wont change i mean that’s the nature of humans we change, we grow and we gain perspective on things we did in the past, so if i’ll wanna go back to being a full time pastry chef that drinks a silly little matcha every morning i will do that :)
i’m sorry about writing a whole ass essay i just feel like i needed to properly explain everything and answer your questions 😭 but thank you for checking on me and don’t worry i didn’t think that was rude or anything, take care and stay safe love 💗 💗
anonymous · 2mo
I know you’re life has completely changed in the past year and that must be overwhelming but it honestly feels like your catching up on everything you may have missed out on as a teen because of your ED all at once (hence the chaos). When you go from one extreme to another things will eventually balance out and you’ll finding your place in this world. I will always be proud of you Sam, Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas <3
anonymous · 2mo
You make me excited for when I can get drunk 😭
anonymous · 2mo
Do You miss the person you were last year? Would you say you are happier right now, worse or just different type of feeling?
lowkey sobbing right now bc of this question but anyways the answer is i’m a lot happier with my life right now but i feel a lot worse about myself if that makes sense; i mean i have amazing friends, i don’t live with my parents anymore and i have a job i love but i struggle with things i never thought i would struggle with… i don’t miss myself from last year tho i was a shell of a person and besides my ed i had literally nothing but that was weirdly comfortable yk that’s why i sometimes wish i could go back to that time
anonymous · 2mo
How many calories do you estimate you are eating right now? Do to still do Pilates?
anonymous · 2mo
I miss your meals pictures. Please post more of what you eat even if its not pretty. Hope you are doing some sort of harm reduction, I follow on your priv and I'm worried. Also you said you are far from bmi 16, I'm sure is body dysmorphia. Still take care because unhealthy habits are harmful no matter the weight 🧡🧡🧡
my meals aren’t even proper meals most of the time so idk but i might post some of the cute ones from time to time akzjjwns and also i really appreciate it but i do have a scale and i know how much i weigh rn and i can assure you it’s not just body dysmorphia 😆 but you’re right unhealthy habits are harmful either way and i really should start taking better care of myself :’) stay safe and take care too love 💗
anonymous · 2mo
Did you used to be mad at everyone while restricting? Its happening to me
anonymous · 2mo
Do you still engage in any ed behaviors? How is that part of your life going? I saw you were working making pastries and now you are drinking so I was wondering if you still try to lose weight or keep skinny or something
well the ed thoughts are obviously still there especially since i’m far from bmi 16 now 😆 but also i have like a proper adult life now so in order to maintain that i can’t be starving myself anymore so i kinda just eat intuitively while hating myself for it lol also when it comes to drinking i never really cared about alcohol calories all i care about is getting wasted when i drink 😭
anonymous · 2mo
I wish I was as organized as you. I want to be like you so badly
anonymous · 2mo
How are doing Sam? I see you struggling a bit and I wonder about how everything is in your life
i’m not gonna write a whole essay bc literally no one cares that much skzjsnz but basically my life changed completely in the past few months and it started to hit me lately and i’ve been just very overwhelmed with everything that’s why i developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms but i’m still in therapy and i’m slowly trying to get better so i’ll be okay eventually
anonymous · 2mo
How did you become a pastry chef? Do you have to go to culinary school to do it? 💔
anonymous · 4mo
i don’t mean this in a bad way but have you talked to someone about alcohol it’s only going to keep spiraling :(
anonymous · 4mo
does it feel weird not going to uni anymore?