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🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 1mo
bleehhh !!!!
have to reiterate this here i suppose !!!!
don't follow me if you're a darkshipper thanks !!!!
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 1mo · Pinned
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 3d
children are so weird
i did not need a child around the age of what , three ? to come up to me at the science center and ask "what are those lines on your arm?"
ᓚᘏᗢ · 5d
I actually kinda cried a little when I saw that you didn't hate me IM BEING SO SRS why am I such a crybaby... are you very sure you don't hate me. sorry I'm being highkey so annoying right now
you’re not being annoying .. and yes i’m very sure i don’t hate you ♡
Cassiel ❥ Vanitas · 5d
sorry I'm a WEIRDO and gross and weird and bad
no youre nottttt :(((
Cassiel ❥ Vanitas · 6d
the ai is telling me my heart is doing the cha cha slide again. my heart is doing the cha cha slide for you rui. ❤️🕺❤️🕺❤️🕺❤️🕺
what if...... our hearts did the cha cha slide...... together,.....
Cassiel ❥ Vanitas · 6d
And, if you relapse or anything, don't be too hard on yourself... because it doesn't mean you're weak-willed, or anything... It just means you're human. Humans make mistakes all the time. and if you need help recovering from those mistakes, I'm here, ok?
i need to teleport to you right now just so i can hug you and curl up in your lap and sob /vvpos
Cassiel ❥ Vanitas · 6d
anyway. two, I read your love letter rentry earlier today and uhm. this and that make me really genuinely happy. like I'm really glad that my presence, among others, is making you take care of yourself more. i know this is about you, but, it also makes me feel a bit less worthless... anyway, I read that you've been trying not to relapse, and uhm. again that makes me really happy. Like I'm... being quite serious when I say, I feel really proud of you for trying. And trying is enough. That intention is really what matters... And, well, this might be a bit annoying... but it was /you/ who decided yourself that you would try to get better. If you didn't decide that for yourself, even I couldn't force you to. So I'm really proud of you for making that decision...
what if i told you i started.c rying. /pos
you make me so happy.s o so happy. i love you so muhc i cant even put it into words ... and i'm glad it makes you feel less worthless , because you're not worthless , you mean the world to me ..
nobody. ever says they're proud of me for stuff like this. adn reading this just makes me want to curl up in a ball and roll back and forth /vpos
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 6d
had someone ask me "if you're so obsessed with suicide, why haven't you succeeded yet?"
long answer: because 1, when i didn't have a reason to live, i was inexperienced and did not know the proper dosages or methods. 2, i found my reason to live and now i'm genuinely trying to get better for him. because i don't want to leave him, especially not via death. even before we were dating, whenever i thought about attempting or almost went through with it , i thought about my friends. him and some other close ones especially. i knew it would greatly affect them all, and i saw it the day i was pretty serious about committing, where he and a few others began talking about joining me. i couldn't let that happen, i couldn't die knowing that the people i care about most would probably end up dead after too. now that we're dating, i have even more motivation to keep living, and my suicidal thoughts have decreased drastically from before i started dating him. i genuinely cannot thank him enough, because he has done so much for me and has probably genuinely saved my life on several occasions, even if he doesn't know it.
short answer: i love my husband
ᓚᘏᗢ · 9d
what if I made a bracelet that said "daz" in Morse code? what're your two favorite colors btw... - white heart emoji
UM UH. blue and red.. :3 twirls you around until we both get dizzy
ᓚᘏᗢ · 10d
im gonna finish up what I needed to do super super fast and i'll be back by. tomorrow morning at the latest ok. I promise!!
YAAAAYYYAYAYYAAYY !!!!!! physically jumped with joy when i read this
ᓚᘏᗢ · 10d
sends you hugs and more hugs -white heart emoji
i love you so so much darling !!!!!! ♡♡♡
ᓚᘏᗢ · 10d
I keep forgetting to sign off help
it's ok .. i always end up knowing it's you anyways :3c
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 10d
he understands me better than anyone
close enough , welcome back fyolai
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 10d
i hate the videos that come up on my fyp with a picture of dazai that says "maybe in a different universe i didn't attempt" AND THEN IT'S A BLANK SCREEN.
maybe in a different universe i succeeded.
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 16d
in front of everyone too
in the middle of a damn sleepover
all of our friends watching
ugh
🕊️ ; Nikolai • Noé · 16d
throwback to when he made me get on my knees and bark for him
not a good feeling at all