long answer: because 1, when i didn't have a reason to live, i was inexperienced and did not know the proper dosages or methods. 2, i found my reason to live and now i'm genuinely trying to get better for him. because i don't want to leave him, especially not via death. even before we were dating, whenever i thought about attempting or almost went through with it , i thought about my friends. him and some other close ones especially. i knew it would greatly affect them all, and i saw it the day i was pretty serious about committing, where he and a few others began talking about joining me. i couldn't let that happen, i couldn't die knowing that the people i care about most would probably end up dead after too. now that we're dating, i have even more motivation to keep living, and my suicidal thoughts have decreased drastically from before i started dating him. i genuinely cannot thank him enough, because he has done so much for me and has probably genuinely saved my life on several occasions, even if he doesn't know it.
short answer: i love my husband