Retrospring is shutting down on 1st March, 2025 Read more
jayd, also. agender. scribbles fanart.
draws stories over at littlefoolery.com
. . .
♦ www.jaydaitkaci.com/blog
♦ ko-fi.com/artofchira
♦ littlefoolery.com
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hey Chira. You've said multiple times that whether you're cool or not is debatable(?) but let me tell you for me you're the fucking coolest, okay. I'm reading your skeets like morning newspaper clenches fist.
I've been really stressed recently (who isn't!) but it's been eating me up from the inside and playing video games felt forbidden cause I am supposed to work. Well- work never ends but succumbing to old bad habits (aka resting is bad when you have to deliver) has done a number on me. I am glad other people do it too without feeling bad for it. I feel my psyche has calmed down and I'll party tonight playing one of my favorites after I am done with work. I'm too weak for alchohol so I'll be drinking my favorite cherry soda to your name.
Cheers Chira. You SLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I don't know if this looks like a joke cause I am coming so determined and aggressively in your inbox but know this is not a drill, I mean every. single. word.)
I really have to insist whatever coolness factor you think I have is wishful thinking at best.
And I'm glad you're taking the time to appreciate taking a break. Don't feel guilty for resting, you don't live to work, you work to live and all that.
Also having a the idea of a Chira-Soda gave me a good chuckle, thank you for that.
Thank you very much for responding to my question. There's a lot to thnk about. It's scary to me re: how life can be without succumbing to stress, and I find it very difficult breaking out of what I've learned as a child (thanks parents lol) but from friend pressure and your recent skeets I have been warming up to going to therapy. I've built a life where I can function but art for me comes in waves and I get tunnel vision until I burn out and wait forever again to draw. To me this feels like taking a huge risk as this is the only lifestyle i know. I feel there's hope with what you wrote. I wish more artists loved their work so openly. (it always felt like taboo, i'm glad to see times change.)
I hope your day is filled with things that make you happy and smiles. You've definitely given me hope. Thank you!
First: Please, absolutely seek therapy. I think everybody should see therapy, it's a good investment in yourself and finding the balance you want. Therapy isn't a fix -- nothing is a fix -- but it's a step toward recovery.
Second: I do agree it seems taboo that people openly love their work, I've been told a lot I'm up my own ass and narcissistic and arrogant for being so unapologetic (I think the only adjective out of that list I agree with is arrogant, I totally am, which I'm fine with). Still, it's never stopped me, because the one thing I also understood all my life is people who dislike themselves will always dislike others who don't, and there's absolutely no harm to being happy about your own art to absolutely anybody -- but there's a lot of harm in the opposite, especially to yourself.
Third: Yes, life is terrifying, and stress can be overwhelming. Please know managing stress doesn't mean that it stops being a burden. There are plenty of days where I succumb to it still and the best I can do to stave it off is rest and play video games. I find the best way to learn how to manage the pressures of life is to accept the pressures will always be there, make peace with that, and then do your best to not war with it. In an office there's always the coworkers that annoy the shit out of you, but you still have to work with them, so fighting with them will only make that harder.
Fourth: I know leaving a toxic but familiar situation (lifestyle, relationship, habits, you name it) is intimidating because you don't know what anything outside of that looks like. And that's okay.
In fact, I let that be the thing that guided me in the past 5 years. When I decided I had to change my relationship 180 with my drawing habits, I confronted the fact that if anything I did felt familiar, predictable, or in any way in my control then I was doing it wrong, because it meant I was still operating in what I already knew. But a better outcome is one that would be completely new to me, so if something felt foreign or foolish, I knew I was going in the right direction. It wasn't always the answers, but it was exploration and in the exploring is what opened up my world to something that was beyond my imagination, which was the point.
You don't know what a better life feels like, if you did you'd be living it. So the first step towards it is to allow yourself to be a pioneer and discover what that looks like.
Anyway, I'm glad you're finding hope. If there's anything I can do, is to encourage you to be brave about that hope.
Is it okay to ask if you could please share some of your wisdom/ experience on how you achieved the constantly chill, never stressful art balance? You have a wonderful post on tumblr, but since you brought this up again (thank you), how do you balance personal projects/ work? what if you don't feel like it and the deadline for the work is approaching? There's many times I've thought of leaving the industry but no other jobs give me as much as my place right now. I work in design and I can't really say I enjoy it but it's what my degree gave me and for financial reasons it's hard to step down. To do anything else i'd have to invest to either masterclasses or something that won't put me in any entry level job. Any tips appreciated!
As a treat, are you sweet tooth and if yes or no, do you have any favorite deserts?
As sarcastic as it may be to say, a good way to curb stress is to just not engage with stress.
I don't mean ignoring or repressing. I try to think of stress as a really annoying jerk trying to distract me and grab at my attention, like a rude commentor or troll. And the best way to deal with those is to remind yourself of your real priorities and what's important to you and refocus on that instead. Like, do I actually want to waste time indulging in fighting this idiot, or do I want to invest my time in something I actually care about?
The more you get in the habit of training yourself at redirecting your focus on what's important, it just gets a lot easier to acknowledge stress exists, and you have to manage or address it to some extent (in the analogy of a troll, blocking and maybe venting at a friend about how stupid that jerk was), but end of the day all it does is eat your time and emotions because it's also never going to go away. Keeping yourself aware of what you want your time and emotions to be spent on just elevates your general reality.
With regards to responsibilities and obligations, I just generally remind myself I agreed to it, so I can't be a brat about it. Whatever responsibility I have, there's a person on the other side of it who depends on me to follow through, and that person isn't responsible for my resentment nor are they beneath me. I have to respect the dignity of the people around me by respecting the work that is on my shoulders to follow through on.
Because, end of the day, if I'm constantly spending my time on things that are beneath me or I have contempt for, then it doesn't really matter if it's true or not -- I'm the person who's deciding my life should be filled with things that aren't worthy of me, so I'm not being worthy of me.
Professionally, when I agree to a job I try to remove any part of "ugh do I have to, this doesn't interest me at all" out of me and think instead "the person wanted me, specifically, to do this for them, they deserve my respect for having good taste and taking a chance on me" and have that lead me instead.
In that framing, deadlines are still a lot of work and have a lot of pressure/stakes, but I don't really feel the stress about it because all I'm thinking is "I can't let people down, they're believing in me, so come on let's make their day" -- and, well, I'm someone who gets a lot of gratification knowing I made someone else happy. I take a lot of pleasure in literally being of service to others.
I don't really know if this was helpful or concise, but it's reflective of what goes through my head when I'm managing my day to day realities.
to your second question: I'm relatively a sweet tooth (it happens in cycles), and I always love chocolate
Very interesting convos recently. May I pick your brain on impostor syndrome (and "fake it till you make it" since I believe it was also mentioned, pardon me if it wasn't). I'd love your two cents on these matters. They've been discussed for a long time and I remember seeing them in interviews, one of Seth Godin stuck with me where he said impostor syndrome is a feeling of being a fraud, unprepared, and he suggests you can't get rid of it, and you shouldn't want to as it's a sign you're healthy, to quote. I don't agree that you cannot get rid of it nor the absolute "shouldn't" (((even though I don't know how one could get rid of it))) but I like his thoughts when he mentions "it's a sign that you're healthy, it's a sign that you're doing good work- because if you're trying to invent the future, of course you're an impostor because you haven't seen the future yet".
I hope you don't mind me quoting him. I still stand by my question which is, I'm knees down for your two cents regardless of my thoughts and musings in your askbox (though if it doesn't drive you mad and you disagree with the statement, all the more entertaining)! Cheers!
huh. I think that quote is poetic but also means absolutely nothing.
'imposter syndrome' is a defined term about the phenomenon of feeling as though you don't deserve recognition, credit or acclaim for the valid and earned labor that you perform. For example, you don't think you deserve a promotion you got because you somehow conned everyone around you to think you're good at your job when the simpler reality is you're good at your job, you just don't recognize that you are.
It's not ambiguous and to redefine it for some kind of allegorical journey of how to manifest a creative future is pretentious, to say the least.
as far as getting rid of it... uh, yes? you can? very easily, actually? because the practical reality to counteract that is to recognize your worth and the worth of your labor. I know because it's been my job for the past 5 years to coach and talk artists through how to excise the toxicity out of the relationship with their creativity.
trust me, 'imposter syndrome' is really not something I deal with or, if I have ever dealt with it, then I dealt with it so efficiently I don't even remember having it. I'm someone who actually does acknowledge I worked and studied hard for the things I made and I have absolutely no problem demanding others to recognize the validity of my work.
I respect Godin has his personal view of how he relates to his own art and power to him, but his thoughts has absolutely nothing to do with an emotional dysfunction that is extremely very treatable with some simple CBT counselling. I'd be extremely cautious of listening to anyone who romanticizes that.
Hey Chiraa <33 I hope you're well <33 If you have time (and you don't mind me asking) could you pass on some questions you asked yourself when you decided to get off social media that you think might be helpful, or were the most interesting/ difficult to respond to?
I loved your recent post about it and resonated with me.
I am asking this on retrospring in case you decide to respond and someone else also finds it helpful besides me u v u
~sends kiss
I'm actually not sure if I can provide any deep questions for you, but I can at least tell you I'm constantly motivated to be self-reliant and self-dependent. The last thing I ever want to be is trapped, and I refuse to accept learned helplessness as a reality on principle. I want to be the one to define myself, not have the world or others define me. I firmly believe that, while I may not always have a choice in the circumstances I live through, I do have a choice in how cooperative I am to those circumstances.
So my relationship with SM fundamentally changed when I recognized the bigger forces at play and how much I was cooperating with it, which lead to the inevitable questions of 'why am I complying? what's stopping me from changing the game? what do I actually want for myself here?'
and since I'm a stubborn contrarian I just flipped the bird and decided to figure out how to swim against the tides.
And that I don't think there's anything more you can do other than go "no" and do something different until you figure out what works.
Thinking I miss out so much for your cooleness and hot takes on mastodon and tumblr makes me clench my fist and shed anime tears smiling in loss.. (i do not have either) pmuch thinkin out loud. Happy New Year chira, i wish you the financial stability and time to work on your projects and be happy. Takecare!
the coolness factor is extremely debatable but I will confess my takes on bluesky barely register for spicy, I aim to be well behaved. my masto conclave is where I express my full unfiltered shower thoughts. tumblr is a portoflio mirror so no worries there, but by all means follow me to masto!! chuck me a DM on bluesky
I am curious about your project management on your own projects! To be more specific, you're working on multiple, right? How do you go about each one? Is it whatever you feel for the time? Do you set some kind of monthly goal for each separately or something else?
Your Jolanka headshot in your last ko-fi update was jaw-dropping, amazing color!
I work across multiple projects yes! I think the question may be too big to answer, or maybe the answer is too simple.
I'm a naturally organized person in that I manage my affairs very regimented (I am neurotically and compulsively into cleaning/organizing/categorizing), but I'm also very bipolar so consistent workflow has been an eternal problem I've tried and still trying to evolve into something more reliable to myself.
So basically: every project I have is very organized and very easy to bring back up and work on at any given moment. Whether or not I have the energy, focus, or creative juice to work on it is always a toss up. It actually benefits me to have multiple rather than singular because I often work in 2-4 weeks of hyper fixated bursts before I hit saturation and I have to switch gears and focus on something else.
My best system for consistency so far is whatever "gear" I'm in (like, if I'm currently in the gear to work on Gaze) then I create a quota system where I try to hit a certain production output per day before I inevitably hit a wall and have to pivot.
As a result a lot of projects I have are constantly progressing but not really publishing. A lot of it, I admit, is anxiety of getting something moving only to immediately lose momentum on it, so I've been trying to create a system where there's some kind of queue or buffer that can account for that. It's been a journey -- but even I'm getting frustrated by it so hoping to have results before 2025
(and thank you: Jolanka headshot! It was just me dicking around warming up and I wasn't really planning on finishing it but I've gotten so many lovely compliments I'll do my best now to lol)
Does your dog ever do that thing where they sneak up behind you and put their wet nose on your leg?
Have you considered doing a visual or kinetic novel?
We did a twine visual novel years back called 'A Good Wick'. Check it out! https://littlefoolery.com/agoodwick.html
Not a question so much, but I sent you an ask on tumblr once over a decade ago to say thank you for making things, that a friend and I both loved poring over your work and talking about it together. So here's a follow-up! I've been doing a webcomic ever since then, clocking several hundred pages now, and your art has been one of the biggest single influences. I started out as a writer before I was an artist, until your and Muun's work on Sfeer Theory hit me over the head with how good the medium could be. For the last ten years, through all the different things you've worked on, you've been a regular reminder to up my game, to practice new things, and to trust I could learn what needed learning to tell the story I wanted to tell. Whenever I forget what it is I wanted my art to be when I started out, your work is one of the first places I go to remind myself. So, ten years later: thank you again.
I'm pretty overwhelmed reading this and not really sure how to respond, honestly... other than thank you for holding me in such high esteem and that my work is so meaningful and engaging for you and your partner, even a decade later... It's actually really lovely to know and hear that there are people who bond specifically over the art I make, that's really heartwarming.
Congratulations on your webcomic and passing such a high number of pages, that's not a small feat. It's flattering to know that I am credited with any part of helping inspiring your great work. I hope you keep making the art you want to make and it brings good things into your life.
I'm rewatching utena and i remember you said it was the greatest love story of all time ages back. honestly true and real but I wanted to know if your opinion has changed since you said that
Can you tell us about Bocchama's personality? Wanna hear more about the good doggo! :)
I would love to!!
Bocchama is just the biggest sweetheart in the world... chows have a reputation of being aloof, antisocial, and generally very stubborn and territorial. I think the only thing that applies to Bocchama in that list is 'stubborn' lol...
He's the gentlest most pacifist floof you'll ever meet. A real Little John or Brother Buddha type. He absolutely loves to socialize and he wants to be friends with EVERY dog he meets, which is a tragedy because dogs are instinctively quite scared of him and get really nervous/aggressive -- but that doesn't stop him!! He will sit down and let a dog bark loudly in his face just staring and radiating capybara energy until the doggo calms down and gives Bocchama a chance. He's never intimidated.
He's extremely temperate, calm, and full of love and warmth. He can get easily spooked by unfamiliar places, large crowds, and faces but he warms up pretty quickly. He loves cuddles and kids. He loves playing. Despite not really ever being angry or bothered he does have a dramatic diva streak... he doesn't ask for a lot or often, so when he does he feels quite entitled to it. His name is really apt because he really is an imperious little prince.
He's a little celebrity in my neighbourhood, everyone is just obsessed with being friends with him.
not an ask but thank you for everything you post online, quite literally. I really enjoy reading your bsky posts or anything you have to offer, and I always either feel I am learning something new, or some missing piece of a puzzle falls in place, or there's something new to discover I haven't thought about. Gets my gears working. Good luck with your calendar!! Sending fighting spirit to you! <33
I remember reading a post a while back where someone said not to get trapped in redraw hell but you said you don't believe redraw hell existed and there's no problem drawing something again to get closer to ones vision.... Or something like that. I wanted to ask how do you personally choose when to take a break and move on and when do you feel to keep redrawing? Is there a perspective you can share for perfectionists that can't seem to let go, and feel "trapped in redraw hell" rather than enjoying the process?
in my experience it really has very little to do with whatever it is you're drawing or want to draw, it has to do with your relationship with yourself in the moment of drawing. A lot of the time "redraw hell" (if I were to agree that exists) is more a manifestation of forcing the process and needing the result to be a certain way out of insecurity, anxiety, exhaustion, or time limitations.
I believe creativity is strongest and most smooth when you remind yourself of what you want your result to be, or remind yourself of the "why" behind what you need your vision to be. Do you need the result to be good, or do you need your result to say or express what you want it to say or express? To me there's a very clear distinction when I'm redrawing the same shapes, like, 10 times on repeat, vs redrawing something 10 times in 10 different ways to try to figure out the proper expression of my vision.
Whenever you're forcing the process, you always lose sight of what the result is supposed to represent. As a result, the process becomes a representation of needing to avoid failure, to avoid dissatisfaction, to avoid perceived judgment and shame. It stops being about what you're drawing and why you're drawing it, and instead starts being about self-soothing.
Redraw whatever the hell you want, how many times you want, if you think what you're redrawing is a more satisfying result for your expression. However if you're redrawing something because you're just trying to avoid a bad result, or bad judgment (even self-judgment), I'd say sleep on it and take a break.
sorry I forgot to also add to my previous question. If the argument is re:"I trained x model with my OWN art" or "I got consent form x artists to train this model so it's not stolen"; how would you interpret this?
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