First: Please, absolutely seek therapy. I think everybody should see therapy, it's a good investment in yourself and finding the balance you want. Therapy isn't a fix -- nothing is a fix -- but it's a step toward recovery.

Second: I do agree it seems taboo that people openly love their work, I've been told a lot I'm up my own ass and narcissistic and arrogant for being so unapologetic (I think the only adjective out of that list I agree with is arrogant, I totally am, which I'm fine with). Still, it's never stopped me, because the one thing I also understood all my life is people who dislike themselves will always dislike others who don't, and there's absolutely no harm to being happy about your own art to absolutely anybody -- but there's a lot of harm in the opposite, especially to yourself.

Third: Yes, life is terrifying, and stress can be overwhelming. Please know managing stress doesn't mean that it stops being a burden. There are plenty of days where I succumb to it still and the best I can do to stave it off is rest and play video games. I find the best way to learn how to manage the pressures of life is to accept the pressures will always be there, make peace with that, and then do your best to not war with it. In an office there's always the coworkers that annoy the shit out of you, but you still have to work with them, so fighting with them will only make that harder.

Fourth: I know leaving a toxic but familiar situation (lifestyle, relationship, habits, you name it) is intimidating because you don't know what anything outside of that looks like. And that's okay.

In fact, I let that be the thing that guided me in the past 5 years. When I decided I had to change my relationship 180 with my drawing habits, I confronted the fact that if anything I did felt familiar, predictable, or in any way in my control then I was doing it wrong, because it meant I was still operating in what I already knew. But a better outcome is one that would be completely new to me, so if something felt foreign or foolish, I knew I was going in the right direction. It wasn't always the answers, but it was exploration and in the exploring is what opened up my world to something that was beyond my imagination, which was the point.

You don't know what a better life feels like, if you did you'd be living it. So the first step towards it is to allow yourself to be a pioneer and discover what that looks like.

Anyway, I'm glad you're finding hope. If there's anything I can do, is to encourage you to be brave about that hope.

As sarcastic as it may be to say, a good way to curb stress is to just not engage with stress.

I don't mean ignoring or repressing. I try to think of stress as a really annoying jerk trying to distract me and grab at my attention, like a rude commentor or troll. And the best way to deal with those is to remind yourself of your real priorities and what's important to you and refocus on that instead. Like, do I actually want to waste time indulging in fighting this idiot, or do I want to invest my time in something I actually care about?

The more you get in the habit of training yourself at redirecting your focus on what's important, it just gets a lot easier to acknowledge stress exists, and you have to manage or address it to some extent (in the analogy of a troll, blocking and maybe venting at a friend about how stupid that jerk was), but end of the day all it does is eat your time and emotions because it's also never going to go away. Keeping yourself aware of what you want your time and emotions to be spent on just elevates your general reality.

With regards to responsibilities and obligations, I just generally remind myself I agreed to it, so I can't be a brat about it. Whatever responsibility I have, there's a person on the other side of it who depends on me to follow through, and that person isn't responsible for my resentment nor are they beneath me. I have to respect the dignity of the people around me by respecting the work that is on my shoulders to follow through on.

Because, end of the day, if I'm constantly spending my time on things that are beneath me or I have contempt for, then it doesn't really matter if it's true or not -- I'm the person who's deciding my life should be filled with things that aren't worthy of me, so I'm not being worthy of me.

Professionally, when I agree to a job I try to remove any part of "ugh do I have to, this doesn't interest me at all" out of me and think instead "the person wanted me, specifically, to do this for them, they deserve my respect for having good taste and taking a chance on me" and have that lead me instead.

In that framing, deadlines are still a lot of work and have a lot of pressure/stakes, but I don't really feel the stress about it because all I'm thinking is "I can't let people down, they're believing in me, so come on let's make their day" -- and, well, I'm someone who gets a lot of gratification knowing I made someone else happy. I take a lot of pleasure in literally being of service to others.

I don't really know if this was helpful or concise, but it's reflective of what goes through my head when I'm managing my day to day realities.

to your second question: I'm relatively a sweet tooth (it happens in cycles), and I always love chocolate

huh. I think that quote is poetic but also means absolutely nothing.

'imposter syndrome' is a defined term about the phenomenon of feeling as though you don't deserve recognition, credit or acclaim for the valid and earned labor that you perform. For example, you don't think you deserve a promotion you got because you somehow conned everyone around you to think you're good at your job when the simpler reality is you're good at your job, you just don't recognize that you are.

It's not ambiguous and to redefine it for some kind of allegorical journey of how to manifest a creative future is pretentious, to say the least.

as far as getting rid of it... uh, yes? you can? very easily, actually? because the practical reality to counteract that is to recognize your worth and the worth of your labor. I know because it's been my job for the past 5 years to coach and talk artists through how to excise the toxicity out of the relationship with their creativity.

trust me, 'imposter syndrome' is really not something I deal with or, if I have ever dealt with it, then I dealt with it so efficiently I don't even remember having it. I'm someone who actually does acknowledge I worked and studied hard for the things I made and I have absolutely no problem demanding others to recognize the validity of my work.

I respect Godin has his personal view of how he relates to his own art and power to him, but his thoughts has absolutely nothing to do with an emotional dysfunction that is extremely very treatable with some simple CBT counselling. I'd be extremely cautious of listening to anyone who romanticizes that.

I'm actually not sure if I can provide any deep questions for you, but I can at least tell you I'm constantly motivated to be self-reliant and self-dependent. The last thing I ever want to be is trapped, and I refuse to accept learned helplessness as a reality on principle. I want to be the one to define myself, not have the world or others define me. I firmly believe that, while I may not always have a choice in the circumstances I live through, I do have a choice in how cooperative I am to those circumstances.

So my relationship with SM fundamentally changed when I recognized the bigger forces at play and how much I was cooperating with it, which lead to the inevitable questions of 'why am I complying? what's stopping me from changing the game? what do I actually want for myself here?'

and since I'm a stubborn contrarian I just flipped the bird and decided to figure out how to swim against the tides.

And that I don't think there's anything more you can do other than go "no" and do something different until you figure out what works.

I work across multiple projects yes! I think the question may be too big to answer, or maybe the answer is too simple.

I'm a naturally organized person in that I manage my affairs very regimented (I am neurotically and compulsively into cleaning/organizing/categorizing), but I'm also very bipolar so consistent workflow has been an eternal problem I've tried and still trying to evolve into something more reliable to myself.

So basically: every project I have is very organized and very easy to bring back up and work on at any given moment. Whether or not I have the energy, focus, or creative juice to work on it is always a toss up. It actually benefits me to have multiple rather than singular because I often work in 2-4 weeks of hyper fixated bursts before I hit saturation and I have to switch gears and focus on something else.

My best system for consistency so far is whatever "gear" I'm in (like, if I'm currently in the gear to work on Gaze) then I create a quota system where I try to hit a certain production output per day before I inevitably hit a wall and have to pivot.

As a result a lot of projects I have are constantly progressing but not really publishing. A lot of it, I admit, is anxiety of getting something moving only to immediately lose momentum on it, so I've been trying to create a system where there's some kind of queue or buffer that can account for that. It's been a journey -- but even I'm getting frustrated by it so hoping to have results before 2025

(and thank you: Jolanka headshot! It was just me dicking around warming up and I wasn't really planning on finishing it but I've gotten so many lovely compliments I'll do my best now to lol)

I'm pretty overwhelmed reading this and not really sure how to respond, honestly... other than thank you for holding me in such high esteem and that my work is so meaningful and engaging for you and your partner, even a decade later... It's actually really lovely to know and hear that there are people who bond specifically over the art I make, that's really heartwarming.

Congratulations on your webcomic and passing such a high number of pages, that's not a small feat. It's flattering to know that I am credited with any part of helping inspiring your great work. I hope you keep making the art you want to make and it brings good things into your life.

I would love to!!

Bocchama is just the biggest sweetheart in the world... chows have a reputation of being aloof, antisocial, and generally very stubborn and territorial. I think the only thing that applies to Bocchama in that list is 'stubborn' lol...

He's the gentlest most pacifist floof you'll ever meet. A real Little John or Brother Buddha type. He absolutely loves to socialize and he wants to be friends with EVERY dog he meets, which is a tragedy because dogs are instinctively quite scared of him and get really nervous/aggressive -- but that doesn't stop him!! He will sit down and let a dog bark loudly in his face just staring and radiating capybara energy until the doggo calms down and gives Bocchama a chance. He's never intimidated.

He's extremely temperate, calm, and full of love and warmth. He can get easily spooked by unfamiliar places, large crowds, and faces but he warms up pretty quickly. He loves cuddles and kids. He loves playing. Despite not really ever being angry or bothered he does have a dramatic diva streak... he doesn't ask for a lot or often, so when he does he feels quite entitled to it. His name is really apt because he really is an imperious little prince.

He's a little celebrity in my neighbourhood, everyone is just obsessed with being friends with him.

in my experience it really has very little to do with whatever it is you're drawing or want to draw, it has to do with your relationship with yourself in the moment of drawing. A lot of the time "redraw hell" (if I were to agree that exists) is more a manifestation of forcing the process and needing the result to be a certain way out of insecurity, anxiety, exhaustion, or time limitations.

I believe creativity is strongest and most smooth when you remind yourself of what you want your result to be, or remind yourself of the "why" behind what you need your vision to be. Do you need the result to be good, or do you need your result to say or express what you want it to say or express? To me there's a very clear distinction when I'm redrawing the same shapes, like, 10 times on repeat, vs redrawing something 10 times in 10 different ways to try to figure out the proper expression of my vision.

Whenever you're forcing the process, you always lose sight of what the result is supposed to represent. As a result, the process becomes a representation of needing to avoid failure, to avoid dissatisfaction, to avoid perceived judgment and shame. It stops being about what you're drawing and why you're drawing it, and instead starts being about self-soothing.

Redraw whatever the hell you want, how many times you want, if you think what you're redrawing is a more satisfying result for your expression. However if you're redrawing something because you're just trying to avoid a bad result, or bad judgment (even self-judgment), I'd say sleep on it and take a break.