this hasbeen sitting in my inbox long enough. i am cringe but i am free and i apologize if this doesn't form fully coherent thoughts anon but unfortunately i just woke up and am tying this as i go over my coffee. i want to write an actual analysis essay on this at some point but ruina is a long game and a ffxiv expac is coming

a decent amount of Why i read argalia as trans is just . his page story . so i'm going to attach it in full here so that you can also receive the visions. retrospring doesnt support images but i'll transcribe it too so that my rant is somewhat coherent bc this is like foundational

LIBRARY OF RUINA SPOILERS - ARGALIA'S PAGE
When I heard the news and rushed to the scene, only a hideous musician who had concluded his performance and permanently shut the piano's lid with his torso awaited me. For the first time, emotions I couldn't understand welled up inside me. It's hard to define what hey were, even now. It felt as if deep tenebrous stains were seeping out of my heart. Alas, I didn't shed tears before that piano where your body rested—for I soon realized that you were no longer there.

That's right; you're the gentle breeze that brushes past my face, and the clouds that fly in the sky, which give me heed of your presence from overhead or underfoot. I thought you had left me, but you would always come back. That's why I no longer care about the skin and flesh you wore only momentarily. Angelica. I'll follow after the name you gave me: Uberto. You used to call me that down in those horrible underground chambers. I'll create a new world... One where people can live bountiful lives even if they have nothing, free from obsession or greed. When we lose the fixation on our bodies, we won't be afraid of death anymore. No rest will be eternal.

:) this is also the most important element of my reading/interpretation of argalia even aside from my interpretation of him as trans because they are his inside thoughts whereas everything he says out loud is very deliberate and kind of filtered. anyway.

special emphasis on the leap between creating a new world and When we lose the fixation on our bodies in particular because distortions can still die. even if we assume he starts getting his brain deep fried by carmen at this point (which would make sense, it's a world-shattering life event for him just like yan w the prescripts or xiao losing lowell), it doesn't fully follow that fixation on one's body is responsible for the fear of death; nor does it fully follow that fixation on one's body is the source of their obsession or greed. to me, it comes across as a thought that's like... "Oh, surely everyone thinks about their body all the time." No king only you are experiencing that and it's called dysphoria.

obviously and as a footnote, not all trans people think Like This, and the trans experience can be defined just as much by Joy from being perceived as your correct gender(s) (or as being without gender!) as dysphoria from the box that society tries to force you into. however, i think it's also pretty reasonable to say No Cis Person Would Say That.

i also feel like from this it's pretty reasonable to infer that argalia feels trapped in or otherwise restrained by his body which would also make sense with his background (human experimentation) and is arguably reflected in his distorted form, where his body is made out of mist/smoke! (or his body is hollow and there is mist/smoke inside? he can certainly wear clothes but his smoke is obviously kind of billowing out of his brand new slutty bodysuit) and in order to cope with her death he divorced the Idea of Angelica from her body. like that's a very normal thing to do. while in lobotomy corp it's vaguely established that major organized religions no longer really exist, there are also a handful of religious orders in the city (church of gears, i believe the udjat...? i haven't actually. read distortion detective. but they give that vibe as a general reception) so i feel like the concept of an afterlife would not be entirely foreign to people within the setting, so it's interesting for argalia to do this, specifically, instead of "you're watching over me from a better place" (or some variation thereof).

anyway. okay. stay with me here. i'm beaming this into your brain right now. argalia taking ownership of his own body to make it more comfortable for him to exist in and actually really admiring his top surgery scars in comparison to all the scars from his time in the lab and from fixer work.

so, why do i hc argalia as transmasc specifically...? primarily i just prefer to trans characters' genders in the direction of their canon presentation because it would be sad to me for them to go through the entire narrative being misgendered. however i do think that this doesn't point in any particular direction other than Trans! and i am 100% open to a trans*fem* reading of him (wow i cant believe carmen is just in the reverb ensemble's heads cracking all of their eggs and they're all beautiful trans lesbians) and i also heard of a genderfluid interpretation and it's like oh! wait!!! because that cooked too.

i, however, identify as broadly transmasc so i'm hitting argalia with my gender specifically. also because it's really convenient to my ensemble roland au because of the delusion situation (roland using argalia as a surrogate for angelica physically/sexually in an ill-fated attempt to cope).

so uh yeah!! thanks for coming to my ted talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does retrospring have a character limit. crazy that this didn't hit it. anyway please talk to me about trans argalia at all times i'm so normal about him/her/them/it/xer (i think he can use any pronouns he wants)

i do not... fankid ocs arent really my wheelhouse (i do have some pm ocs but they're literally just some guys). i am mostly here for the base idea of argalia experiencing the madness of parenthood because a) its funny and b) i believe that he, fundamentally, is an optimistic person and that this, because of the way the city Is, is a fatal flaw

i think that holding a baby would fix argalia in that a baby would give him something productive and positive to focus on, trying to provide for and protect and bring joy to this fragile little thing which, itself, is a promise of a better tomorrow; however, on the flip side, roland or some other more realistic character needs to be there to act as a check on him because if he was a single parent he would be the most horrifically overprotective parent who never lets their child grow into anything other than the role that they had dictated for them (though i do not think argalia would be malicious in this necessarily)

that said: obligatory "i don't have any fankids for my argalia ships but if you give them nine months they can probably cook one up" (period pains are no longer enough i need to give him birthing pains. i am also here for the pregnancy suite of kinks it's kind of like microsoft office suite y'know)

i only speak english unfortunately because the american education system failed me but i can theoretically speak some very very very simple german. (i lost most of my vocabulary bc i never used it but i do remember how to conjugate regular things)

i would like to learn korean honestly, it's really pretty. i also want to learn spanish and may take some classes when i go back to school bc i'd like to be able to communicate better w non-english speakers at my job, but idk how useful the kind of spanish that like. schools teach you. is. i'd also like to learn italian and japanese but honestly my brain is so small idk if i'll be able to swing it so i'll start with spanish and see how far i get. :]

1. LAYERS… i thiiink my favorite is probably briah just bc i love gebura and chesed so much though i also adore atziluth bc binah and hokma are the flavor containers…. No hard feelings to asiyah bc hod and netzach are also dear to my heart but the characters in briah and atziluth have captivated me body and soul. going thru the hokma suppression and realizing oh no it wasnt the fandom having shipping goggles on he really is just down horrendous. hes really that gay

2. “who is this sassy lost child???” - seeing goro akechi for the first time… fun fact first playthru i didnt max his confidant so i didnt understand what the big deal was he was just some guy sob but the second time… oh, the second time…….

3. I wanna play the Xenoblade series #soon!!!! I also wanna properly finish FF9 and Persona 3… And Yakuza 0… And Horizon Zero Dawn… And Guild Wars 2….. my body is a machine that turns my steam library into unplayed games

4. I REALLY LOVE ARGALIA IORI ANGELICA FAMILY-ISMS nkt necessarily an argalia-specific hc but i like the idea that iori really did see her son in him even if he didn’t believe her bc well context but 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

5. PERSONA 5’S LACK OF COMMITMENT TO ITS THEMES OF REBELLION SUCKS AAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! its soundtrack is also mid as hell like wym people rave about this. persona 5 fans who rave abt the ost definitely have stockholm syndrome at least as bad as ffxiv fans, ruina does better at utilizing the music it has to establish mood and narrative connections….

Forgive grammar i cannot expand the typing box on my phone Help. I’m being held hostage

!!!!! CONFIDANTS... its admittedly been a while since my last playthrough but my favorite is definitely justice and my last favorites are like. all the adult women except sae bc atlus sure did make every adult woman in joker's life a predator. :/ but those are kinda obvious/gimmie answers so i'll pick 3 favs and 3 least favs!!!

FAVORITES:

1. Justice (Goro Akechi) - in terms of presentation in Royal tbh I think all the confidants could have been tied into the story like Akechi's confidant line was, but also like he's just my favorite character... I have A Type of character i gravitate toward in terms of who i get attached to and spend all my energy character studying and Akechi is like a distillation of everything I like in a character... he's tragic, he's fruity, and he's got a wonderful character arc not just in base but in royal where he stands up and chooses self-determination!!! GO KING. the loki reveal is also pretty raw ngl.

2. Faith (Sumire Yoshizawa) - i get the feeling not a lot of people like sumire but i absolutely adore her she's my daughter... her character arc does leave a bit to be desired but i understand if atlus didn't want to alter the experience of the base game too much when they made royal, since her development is really back-loaded and with maruki's actualization in play she really only gets 5 ranks to develop as a character (because for the first 5 pre-third sem, she thinks she's kasumi...) instead of the 10 that all other confidants get. despite that though the only gripe i have with her arc is that i wish that they had dwelled on her trauma MORE but with the way confidants are in the game i understand that it's not entirely possible to dig deep and make things have a lasting impact on the game unless you make multiple routes and like p5r is already a fucking 150hr game so like i get it. sumire numero uno though.

3. Emperor (Yusuke Kitagawa) - yusuke is probably my 2nd fav thief after the royal trio who i'm considering as a set in order to make it more fair to the others. he's just a really cool character and i feel for him a lot and i think that next to the issues with everyone else's character arcs his struggle with acknowledging madarame as abusive throughout the arc and the game and working thru that struggle through his art (or at least his ideals with regards to his approach to art, feeling that his work was tainted by madarame's greed and the fact that madarame used yusuke's talents for personal gain and like. yusuke watched as others under madarame's tutelage failed out or even iirc one guy committed suicide... augh....) and reclaiming it as a thing that he does For Him and that empowers Him. even in 3rd semester his wish you have to break him out of isn't to have a comfortable life doing art or etc it's wishing that madarame was a good person and a good teacher and good father figure for him. honestly i see a lot of angela in yusuke to an extent so thats probably why i adore him so much SDFSDGJSKHJDKFKDS love him. lives in my head rent-free.

honorable mention goes to haru who like sumire i get the feeling people don't usually really like; her actual arc is kind of washed out because she joins so late and a lot of her grief with her father is glossed over in favor of the phantom thieves' larger issues which is understandable bc now the police are out to nip them for murder but i do enjoy her as a character and i am really pleased that she gets the development she deserves in strikers!! shes a really strong character and i think a lot of people aren't willing to give her a second look because they're stuck in the mindset that strikers sucks for some reason but strikers is actually better than royal... imo. anyway haru's arc in sapporo rules tremendously because unlike in the base game we get to see just how much her father's death affected her and her choosing to stand up and move on. the sapporo arc is also The reason why in my post-canon brainworm haru is actually the one who, doesn't quite forgive akechi first but is the one who sits him down and tells him to cut it the fuck out with the self-flaggelation over his crimes, because while Yes she's angry and No she's probably not going to forgive him, she has already decided that she's not going to let that anger rule her and that she's doesn't like the person that the anger she still holds toward akechi makes her. send tweet. harugoro can be besties actually. haru can also be angela.

additional honorable mentions to maruki (best villain ever. love that guy) as well as zenkichi and sophia (who don't have confidant arcs bc they're strikers guys). they occupy sooo much brainspace. zenkichi also reminds me i cant believe atlus plagiarized roland twice. sophia also has the rawest awakening in the game.

LEAST FAVORITE:

(aside from all the adult women because.. .augh. no matter how good their arcs may be, sorry takemi, i can't really overlook that narrative choice. i Fix It in my writing and i have never done harem route bc of this shit but yeah.)

1. Tower - Shinya Oda: this is my least favorite by virtue of the fact that it's the least remarkable confidant and character arc for me. the principle i operate on is that unless i really viscerally hated something, if i just... don't have thoughts on something, it's my least favorite. i constantly forget this kid exists and i would shed no tears if he was wholesale swapped out for another character. any other character. sorry.

2. Sun - the politician guy: the fact i do not remember his name should tell you that this operates on much the same principle as shinya. he's a nothing character and in terms of the phantom thieves' political connections i think that toshiro in tactica is way cooler even though i haven't even finished tactica

3. Star - Hifumi Togo: i like hifumi as a character but her demure quiet demeanor (even with the fact she gets Really into her shogi matches) doesn't really do anything for me.

honorable mention for least favs to makoto niijima because WHILE I ADORE MAKOTO AS A CHARACTER her confidant arc is the worst of all the phantom thieves. atlus is going to look me in the eyes and tell me that makoto whose awakening was that she wasnt going to spend her whole life being the perfect nice girl to appease others and who literally watches one of her best friends get brutalized by police is gonna become a cop and try to "fix the system from the inside." despite already deciding she doesn't give a f abt the system. uh-huh. yeah. okay. whatever. i guess. i'm not mad.

this hasbeen sitting in my inbox long enough. i am cringe but i am free and i apologize if this doesn't form fully coherent thoughts anon but unfortunately i just woke up and am tying this as i go over my coffee. i want to write an actual analysis essay on this at some point but ruina is a long game and a ffxiv expac is coming

a decent amount of Why i read argalia as trans is just . his page story . so i'm going to attach it in full here so that you can also receive the visions. retrospring doesnt support images but i'll transcribe it too so that my rant is somewhat coherent bc this is like foundational

LIBRARY OF RUINA SPOILERS - ARGALIA'S PAGE
When I heard the news and rushed to the scene, only a hideous musician who had concluded his performance and permanently shut the piano's lid with his torso awaited me. For the first time, emotions I couldn't understand welled up inside me. It's hard to define what hey were, even now. It felt as if deep tenebrous stains were seeping out of my heart. Alas, I didn't shed tears before that piano where your body rested—for I soon realized that you were no longer there.

That's right; you're the gentle breeze that brushes past my face, and the clouds that fly in the sky, which give me heed of your presence from overhead or underfoot. I thought you had left me, but you would always come back. That's why I no longer care about the skin and flesh you wore only momentarily. Angelica. I'll follow after the name you gave me: Uberto. You used to call me that down in those horrible underground chambers. I'll create a new world... One where people can live bountiful lives even if they have nothing, free from obsession or greed. When we lose the fixation on our bodies, we won't be afraid of death anymore. No rest will be eternal.

:) this is also the most important element of my reading/interpretation of argalia even aside from my interpretation of him as trans because they are his inside thoughts whereas everything he says out loud is very deliberate and kind of filtered. anyway.

special emphasis on the leap between creating a new world and When we lose the fixation on our bodies in particular because distortions can still die. even if we assume he starts getting his brain deep fried by carmen at this point (which would make sense, it's a world-shattering life event for him just like yan w the prescripts or xiao losing lowell), it doesn't fully follow that fixation on one's body is responsible for the fear of death; nor does it fully follow that fixation on one's body is the source of their obsession or greed. to me, it comes across as a thought that's like... "Oh, surely everyone thinks about their body all the time." No king only you are experiencing that and it's called dysphoria.

obviously and as a footnote, not all trans people think Like This, and the trans experience can be defined just as much by Joy from being perceived as your correct gender(s) (or as being without gender!) as dysphoria from the box that society tries to force you into. however, i think it's also pretty reasonable to say No Cis Person Would Say That.

i also feel like from this it's pretty reasonable to infer that argalia feels trapped in or otherwise restrained by his body which would also make sense with his background (human experimentation) and is arguably reflected in his distorted form, where his body is made out of mist/smoke! (or his body is hollow and there is mist/smoke inside? he can certainly wear clothes but his smoke is obviously kind of billowing out of his brand new slutty bodysuit) and in order to cope with her death he divorced the Idea of Angelica from her body. like that's a very normal thing to do. while in lobotomy corp it's vaguely established that major organized religions no longer really exist, there are also a handful of religious orders in the city (church of gears, i believe the udjat...? i haven't actually. read distortion detective. but they give that vibe as a general reception) so i feel like the concept of an afterlife would not be entirely foreign to people within the setting, so it's interesting for argalia to do this, specifically, instead of "you're watching over me from a better place" (or some variation thereof).

anyway. okay. stay with me here. i'm beaming this into your brain right now. argalia taking ownership of his own body to make it more comfortable for him to exist in and actually really admiring his top surgery scars in comparison to all the scars from his time in the lab and from fixer work.

so, why do i hc argalia as transmasc specifically...? primarily i just prefer to trans characters' genders in the direction of their canon presentation because it would be sad to me for them to go through the entire narrative being misgendered. however i do think that this doesn't point in any particular direction other than Trans! and i am 100% open to a trans*fem* reading of him (wow i cant believe carmen is just in the reverb ensemble's heads cracking all of their eggs and they're all beautiful trans lesbians) and i also heard of a genderfluid interpretation and it's like oh! wait!!! because that cooked too.

i, however, identify as broadly transmasc so i'm hitting argalia with my gender specifically. also because it's really convenient to my ensemble roland au because of the delusion situation (roland using argalia as a surrogate for angelica physically/sexually in an ill-fated attempt to cope).

so uh yeah!! thanks for coming to my ted talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!! does retrospring have a character limit. crazy that this didn't hit it. anyway please talk to me about trans argalia at all times i'm so normal about him/her/them/it/xer (i think he can use any pronouns he wants)

GOOD ANGESED (and carkali) MORNING ANON

THE TROUBLE WITH ANGESED STARTED WHEN I COMPLETED THE CHESED SUPPRESSION IN LOBCORP BC LIKE. i know that angela was (intentionally, perhaps) invoking carmen there (oh... if it wasn't intentional that would be really sad...) but "you will always be in the palm of my hand" GOES CRAZY and also pretty much encapsulates the dynamic i like for them... i do ship them but, like with rolargalia, i want to put them in a jar and study them because they make me so sick???

i hesitate to shade in them being terrible in every way because my bar for that is fucking rolargalia, but i do think that i like angesed with a little bit of the same flavor where they're kind of projecting their respective issues on each other and/or venting them on each other even if only subconsciously... their dynamic is not a Healthy one because neither angela nor chesed are healthy people and i think it would be very cool to see them work through that you know. but also i think angela would have very little patience for chesed's bullshit and the comedy potential for that is really high

this, too, is exes with benefits. if i try hard enough i can imagine anything. hear me out.

CARKALI is tbh a dynamic i feel relatively Normal about though i mean that's by my standards so it may not mean much ARTSDRFYTGYFUH they are The Original Lesbians in lobcorp and i refuse to believe anything different. i can incorporate so many religious motifs into it too by proxy of carmen's cult leader shit and kali being arguably one of the most devoted believers at the time, which carries over into gebura (IN MY OPINION BASED ON WHAT I REMEMBER FROM PLAYING THROUGH LITERALLY 2 YEARS AGO) being the slowest to actually warm up to angela in ruina (they don't really get to interact much because that's a roland realization floor and i think she appears... maybe once...?? but angela sabotaging the plan just seems like it would be so much more personal to gebura because in her past life as kali carmen meant so much for her. angela wasn't trying to get revenge against carmen, i don't even think that carmen crossed her mind in the moment except by proxy of carmen being the reason ayin made her the way she was, but the seed of light project has its origins in carmen's dreams and goals, which kali swore to protect... is this anything) basically. a prophet and her most devoted disciple. sorry ayin, you ain't shit

by proxy of that imbalance between them though i do think that kali would have ended up projecting a lot of her own ideas about what carmen was and should have been onto her :3 carmen represents different things do different people and if the past kali heard what would become of carmen in the future... augh augh augh augh MEANWHILE in the present, with a second and a pretty eventful third life under her belt, i think gebura would be more receptive to taking carmen off of that pedestal... we don't know if angela did or will share what she experienced in the light with anyone else, but oh my lord...

ofc not!!!! i am always open 2 fun and games :3 i think theres no way roland and olivier havent explored each others bodies but they don't inspire quite the same amnt of brainrot as other dynamics simply bc i wish we had more of olivier In General... i think hes such a neat character (AND!!!!!!! BLACK REP IN PEAK!!! AAAH!!!!) and i would have liked to see more of his dynamic w roland... i read a really nice fanfic of them a while ago although i believe it was intended as platonic, i would need to find the link though, where roland tends to oliviers wounds after a job and olivier gets to see rolands face for the first time... if i find it i will post the link!!! i dont think i bookmarked it tho bc im dumb

i kind of envision them in an exes with benefits situation which i don't classify as a Divorced dynamic bc Divorced to me implies some level of passive-aggressive animosity but i really like roland and olivier as having remained close... i guess thats just friends with benefits. i care them

MWEHEHE two of some of the bestest dynamics imo truly...............

ROLARGALIA honestly gives me an unreal amount of brainrot at all times so obviously i do ship them but also i NEED to put them under a microscope i need to observe them like flesh-eating ameobas on a petri dish like. is this anything. it is everything. i need them to start biting each other and not just in bed

THAT SAID... i highlighted concept being more appealing than execution because i have come to the realization that perhaps my preferred dynamic for rolargalia is nonstandard... as funny as rebounding with the in-law is and as funny as it would be to have argalia as a roommate it's very important to me that it's not actually Romance romance?? there's slow burn happening here but ultimately i like them making each other worse by enabling each other's respective worst impulses (basically the inverse of rolangela, where they learn to grow past their worst impulses lmao) and landing in a situation that is just mutually assured destruction to me... if there's any love involved its at the end of the road and in a very forlorn way as argalia realizes that roland will never Just see him when he looks at him, even though he realizes now that he kinda wishes that he would.

but also GET A LOAD OF THIS i love this drawing so much i need it tattooed on the back of my eyelids /pos the best time to put roland in the ensemble was yesterday but the second-best time is RIGHT MEOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROLANGELA is like. dear lord where do i even begin. they're one of the few dynamics that i adore in every configuration because like Friendship is awesome and i Do appreciate that project moon themselves didnt push them as a romantic thing because the moment a ship is Officially Confirmed also tends to be the point where they lose all intrigue for me because canon never knows what the people Really want but also i LOVELOVELOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE queerplatonic rolangela because i think that aroace spectrum angela is so very special . romantic rolangela also rules because slowburn drives me crazy insane though but since most of the time i have spent rotating them has been platonic or qp i'm going to count this for the bingo bc this card makes it basically impossible to get bingo for an otp otherwise SFFDGJHFKFD anyway i think they're so wonderful and i know that library of ruina itself was the (how many words is ruina)k hurt/comfort fic but i need. another one. i need absolutely unreasonable amounts of post-canon pining and care and i need angela to outlive roland but hold him forever in her heart but like in a positive-if-sad way because she can tell his story Forever. :) something something you actually die twice, once when you pass away and then once when nobody remembers you but she will always remember and AS LONG AS YOU REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how often i actually Get to spend time in the kitchen is pretty much random from week to week though usually i make at least one or two dinners per week ?? i live w my parents and i'm more adventurous w food than they are so to try something new i usually really have to push and making old stuff isnt usually super exciting. on monday i actually made Chicken As God Intended (korean fried chicken that i synthesized from like 3 diff recipes w a nice gochujang sauce) and i meant to make tonkatsu last night but our pork chops were still frozen. during the summer i cook less bc my work schedule becomes hell but i have successfully also conned my parents into letting me control thanksgiving and christmas dinners so i am no longer subject to holiday cuisine mediocrity

have your heard of the critically-acclaimed markdown editor obsidian which is completely free to use and supports community plug-ins which can do amazing things like create kanban boards and supports creating mindmaps natively

genuinely gamechanging software, the ui is also nice and uncluttered and it has tons of themes for when u need smth specific to make ur brain click… And you can set font independently of theme if ur like me and need to change font every so often to keep things funky and fresh for the spicy neurons!! try obsidian today. im not sponsored but at this point i have sold no fewer than 3 people on it. markdown is the future bc also its a non-proprietary, very light, and most importantly extremely readable to the naked eye if u have to crack it open in notepad for whatever reason!

😭 i think u may have confused me w someone else... i've posted my doodles here like 2 times total, so not much of an artist unfortunately... though if you have seen them i'm glad u like them!! i am trying to draw more bc it's nice to be able to inflict my visions on the masses, but it is definitely not the kind of thing i am confident enough to take reqs for atm

... and, well, i am afraid this is a trans headcanon only zone; i've never really been a fan of genderbends though if other trans ppl find them validating or useful for exploring their genders w then more power to them, just for not me 👍🏾

i can take writing snippet reqs though, i've been needing some ways to knock the cobwebs out because all of my ideas tend to just spiral out of control so i end up spending more time microwaving them than actually writing... well, much of anything atm bc im terminally lobcorp pilled, but at least lobcorp has given me like 10 new ocs