sorry it took me so long to get to this! it’s such an interesting question — i think beast dazai is also ace, but i see him more repulsed by it, as well as touch in general. dazai knows his place in the world. he knows too much—so much it sometimes drives him crazy, and chuuya grounds him. i will always be a truther that dazai and chuuya are versatile and switch from topping and bottoming, but dazai trusts chuuya to touch him the way his wretched self wants (be it gently, or rough, or whatever dazai wants) and bottoms more often than not. so, in a way, chuuya is the only one that doesn’t repulse him when it comes to sex—which doesn’t mean dazai doesn’t have adverse reactions. he goes into subspace quite often. pleasure is… an odd concept for him. yes, sex is pleasurable, but sometimes he realizes there’s something more. something unattainable. something that, when he’s with chuuya, he gets a glimpse. he will never, not in a million lifetimes admit that he needs him. in general he can go without sex but that’s the rawest moment when he and chuuya get to communicate. in their own way. tw// dazai likes to bleed during sex—he loves when chuuya digs his nails in his body and blood dribbles down his skin. so uh yea i could go into more detail about this 🤒

i think they never established the boundaries of their relationship. they never gave it a name. sex is the only language they know in which they’re allowed to say ‘i’m here’ ‘i’m yours’ without speaking the words out loud. the rougher they fuck the more emotionally charged it is, and chuuya knows dazai won’t be his forever. he doesn’t know how, or why, but he knows their time together is limited. it’s why he likes to leave permanent marks on dazai’s skin, raking his nails along his back until blood drips out. they belong to each other in the same way the tides belong to the moon; always obeying its call but never getting to fully meet its glow. chuuya never spends the night but he terribly wants dazai to ask. during the day, when they’re boss and subordinate, it’s all both real and plastic. the real things happen behind the stage, but they have to pretend. dazai has to pretend that he isn’t dooming chuuya with his love. they have a lot of sex; in offices, elevators, closets, etc. it makes it more impersonal, and they reserve the bed for special occasions.

they bicker a lot less when there’s no audience. it’s a silence packed of the things they won’t say. dazai always barges inside chuuya’s office to pester him when he’s filling reports at 2 am (dazai’s fault). i think dazai anticipated his destiny and kept chuuya far enough to let him go, but close enough to call him his—even if just as a form of “possessing” him. chuuya doesn’t go home until dazai does. their first time was drunken sex, and theh both pretended to have forgotten some things said during the act, like “stay” and “be mine”. they’re not exclusive but they’re not not exclusive. it’s complicated. chuuya resents his fiery impulse to protect dazai and wonders what it’d be like to run away from the mafia, but no matter how hard he refuses them his feelings for dazai are too deep. dazai is rough during sex so chuuya will relax his head for a little bit. they’ve done it in nearly every office of the port mafia. chuuya goes out when it’s raining and sometimes dazai will sit with him, getting wet and without talking.