yes, i did write one threadfic about kaveh’s experience post top surgery (https://x.com/inlutolilium/status/1801798188178841937) & i usually only focused on it or the results of him taking testosterone even in some other standalone tweets here & there since i do not personally think kaveh would want to get a bottom surgery. i love headcanoning him not undergoing reassignment surgeries as well! it honestly depends more on my personal mood & how i feel about myself in specific moments, truth to be told, but it is also because i see both situation occurring with his character; he’s someone who does not want to conform to any roles enforced by the society. he will rebel against it no matter what & the fact that he genuinely grew into loving himself as for who he is (re: he is the architect of his own body), he doesn’t necessarily deal with gender dysphoria (it helps that kaveh has always been quite flat-chested). his struggles in the terms of it [gender dysphoria] are more of „what if i end up not understood then [if i won’t pass]?” than „i cannot be fully myself without having to do x or y” (both struggles are very valid & can as well coexist; still, not every trans person wants to pass as cishet which is too valid). in the end, i really like to leave some stuff unsaid when i explicitly write transmasc kaveh because i know there are others who may want to see themselves in him & i do not want to cross out a possibility of someone who didn’t undergo any of such surgeries doing the same.

you all are so so kind. :c honestly, it does make me slightly emotional to know there are people who truly check & think of what i share for this ship. i keep finding myself unable to express my thankfulness fully but i truly hope that every each of you who shares the same sentiment also realises that without you, there wouldn’t be me either. i love sharing my writing for myself yet to waltz through any dance you need a helping hand. the fact you choose to give that love to me, support me & sacrifice your precious time to do so is beyond my own comprehension. thank you for everything.

that little poem i once made was a direct paraphrase of rita dove’s, so as a reminder i recommend each of you to see it as well & read it! <3 poem writing is… more complicated for sure, so i have more doubts towards sharing them online but i’ll keep your request in mind!!!

i also wish you a happy holiday season. may the new year be the kindest to you!

gothic romance hkv drives me LOONEY. i’ve been thinking of phantom the opera au & now, with nosferatu playing in the cinemas, about other gothic settings we could put them both in. i don’t know why but as much as there’s that romcom-ish essence of them as a pair, there’s also something more peculiarly erotic, like a darker depth with a sting of viscerality/sensitivity that we only see in specific love stories that keeps my neurons BUZZING about in this damned ship. maybe it’s because they both are flawed as people & seeing it being a little more exaggerated in the terms of relation or bonding is something that i love explore in general. alhaitham being that mysterious creature that in the end turns out to be a man so pathetically starved for another person he bottled it up within himself like a madman & to a point that he himself wasn’t aware of & perhaps sometimes even refused to acknowledge but without saying no to seek more & more with kaveh who’s naturally curious & strong-willed yet still lost somewhere in between & unbelievably lonely. it just FITS. so yeah. I THINK OF IT A LOT & I CRAVE IT.

i’ve been laughing at the stinky smell since i saw the message in my asks & i still cannot be normal about it bc imagine telling that to alhaitham’s face PLEASE i’d feel so violated. ANYWAYS, it makes me happy that there are people who feel strongly about this hc. it means so, so much to me itself. this is not only because it just fits for kaveh to be trans—this is also about the fact he’s a type of consolation that you do not need to be hypermasculine for pass. & i adore this a lot. i’ve been seeing a lot of people being critical about it but honestly, i cannot see how you’ll bring down one hc to elevate your own personal preference. transmale kaveh is so wonderful, so beautiful & gives one such warmth when you think about it too; adding that we also have such subtleties like his constellation being a huma bird with both male & female traits; or that he wears clothing that will emphasise his beauty. there is that other that always made me sad where people treated the hc as one of the options, & as much as i agree it’s an incredible way to portray more possibilities & give them more representation, i still craved for more hkv accounts where is strictly seen as a transman. so here i am!!! the fact we also have sam (@AlienDeck9) that shares such lovely artworks with this specific hc makes me so happy. i was FIGHTING to have an artist like this for two YEARS. that’s a blessing.

i have not BUT the more i hear about danmeis in general, the more it tempts me to actually give them a chance… you see, i have a hard time enjoying lots of yaoi/bls & i sincerely cannot get myself into reading ANY mlm manhwas because of the trope-y character of them (for some reason it always feels like the these little guys’ only personalities are if they’re either a golden retriever sunshine top or a black cat bottom, if you know what i mean; there is nothing bad in it but i cannot lie, i personally NEED passion to care about the story, even if it’s mainly erotic) but (especially danmeis) seem to truly have the type of depth (& horny) i specifically require to get attached to its characters. ESPECIALLY NOW THAT THIS IS ANOTHER GUY THAT I HEAR BEING A LOT LIKE ALHAITHAM IN TERMS OF OBSESSIVENESS TOWARDS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. alhaitham just straight up should found an i-love-my-wifey club where he talks about wives with other pathetic husbands fr.