A lot of the difference is how long they’ve known eachother, they became friends long before they were intimate, and their relationship is more one of mutual care than mutual lust. I think both of them being trans would have drawn them closer together too.
In comparison Solace was attracted to Hearth on sight despite having no common ground, and he’s mad about it because it makes him feel shallow. He thinks Hearth is just a big himbo. However, there’s a secret small part of him that diminishes Hearth so much because he doesn’t feel worthy, visually, emotionally. If he acts like Hearth isn’t worthy of him then he doesn't have to confront that.