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Every time I reread comfy liar I cry a little when SC asks WB what he likes about him & when WB is still processing he’s like “yeah whatevernevermindyoudontneedtoanswer”
actor who can't hide how he feels... [cracks knuckles] thank you for giving me an excuse to yap about comfyliar because man i've been having so many thoughts lately. as usual but esp abt wb's inner monologue and [gestures vaguely] comfyliar sungchan in general
i'm not sure if people have caught onto this (i really hope they did...) but wonbin is quite a bit of an unreliable narrator. the entirety of comfyliar i was leaning into his inner monologue very heavily, it's why there are breaks in narration (switching from 3rd person to 1st person often, sometimes 2nd person) and why there is sometimes informal writing (gonna, wanna, stuff like that). i was trying to make it seem like it was actually wonbin's real time thought process as everything was happening around him, which is why there are so many asides and parenthesis in comfyliar too! we often remember really random things in the middle of random tasks or events, so i added them as both world/narrative building AND to make it a realistic train of thought.
all of this is to say that it is intentionally sort of made to be read as like. "wonbin is the worst person in the world" throughout most of it. because that is how WONBIN thinks of himself. when wonbin describes his relationship towards tiffany and hierophant, he never mentions the times he's gone out of his way to protect them both verbally and physically when needed because he doesn't think it's that big of a deal. it's tiffany who reveals that he's protected them like that before. wonbin questions how much hierophant actually like him and their loyalty towards him because he thinks of himself as a martyr of sorts, as the most unlikable, selfish and horrible person alive. tiffany reveals that they would drop everything for him in a heartbeat. this is not to say that wonbin doesn't do things that are genuinely selfish and unlikable, but it IS to say that wonbin is not a bad person and no one in his life thinks of him as one. they get frustrated and angry with him (cough cough room 403...) but they have never thought of him as a bad person. he protects the ones he loves, he goes out of his way for them, he sacrifices so much for them. his mother has never been good or kind to him, and he decided to put his desires on the backburner for her anyway, because he deems her as more important. he does not like her, but he does love her and because he does, he will do anything for her.
i don't think anyone has caught this little detail quite just yet but it's important so. undoubtedly wonbin is in the wrong for room 403, but. when tiffany reveals that hierophant are going on tour in asia, wonbin's FIRST thought is "How long does it even take for them to get to China? How many miles is it? How long would it take for him to go home if Sungchan needed him?"
guys. sungchan did drop everything for him to fly to japan, yes, but the thing is. wonbin would have done the exact same thing. if sungchan had a medical emergency, if he was in trouble, if he did nothing but call wonbin and say "i need you" the exact same way wonbin did to sungchan, wonbin would have dropped every single thing to go to new york. fuck the tour. sungchan is more important. sungchan is THE most important thing.
speaking of sungchan - one of the very first major narrative decisions i had to make was to decide between whether i should write sungchan or wonbin's pov, but i ultimately decided to go with wonbin's because i liked the music/song motif better than a film one (i am huge on music and not so much on film, anyway). if i had written sungchan's pov, he would also be just as much of an unreliable narrator. he wouldn't have been seen or written of so tenderly as he was in wonbin's pov, because sungchan is insecure. he appears confident, and most of the time he genuinely is, but there are many, many cracks in his facade and if it was from his perspective, he would have been cracked wide open, and ultimately, i would have written of wonbin in a very tender and soft way. sungchan loves wonbin because he's a fighter, because he's extremely passionate about music and songwriting, because he does not believe in himself so sungchan will do it for him. i'm aware that it's almost hard to believe why sungchan would love wonbin and fight for him so much in comfyliar, but that's the thing. wonbin doesn't know why sungchan loves him either.
i've said this before, but it's also why i associate "touching yourself" by the japanese house SO heavily with the bus scene because it is SO sungchan's perspective in that scene. "know i shouldn't need it but i want affection / know i shouldn't want it but i need attention / know i shouldn't say it but i had to mention / it makes me wanna die, every time i have to / picture your face / i wanna touch you, but you're too far away / and when you call me, i'm all over the place now / you think it's different, but it's always the same / i wanna touch you, but." sungchan wasn't planning on taking the phonecall in a sexual direction, but it ended up that way because he was just as terrified of being honest about his feelings for wonbin as wonbin was for him. he didn't have the courage to say "i'm in love with you," but he had enough to say "i love your eyes, your lips, your wrists." there were multiple times he was trying to nudge wonbin to say that he's in love with him ("are you in love with me, maybe?" (some of the very first pieces of dialogue in the entire thing) / "i already know you’re in love with me") so that wonbin could take the burden off HIS shoulders, so he wouldn't have to muster up the courage to say it first. even in room 403, sungchan didn't say he was in love with wonbin, he said wonbin was in love with HIM. yes, yes, most of the reason why it took them so long to (officially) get together is because of wonbin and his mother, but. getting together is a two way street. sungchan had five years worth of oppportunities to say "be mine." he never did until they were both pushed to the absolute brink. he is responsible, too.
this is literally an entire essay on my own fic jesus christ sorry BUT I HAD TO GET THE BRAINWORMS OUT. nobody has mentioned or talked about this yet and it's been 2 months already so i don't think anyone has realized it and that's terrifying. thanks for coming to my tedtalk <3 thank u for reading and loving comfyliar <3 everything i write lives inside of me <3 i love u so matcha <3
how close do you think jsc and pwb are?
it's honestly hard to gauge how close they actually are just because so much of their closeness comes from offscreen interactions and when they think no one is recording them lol! i think it's pretty obvious that they consider each other friends, but how close their friendship is, i don't know! they often hang out in group settings (that's a given), but i'm not sure how often they hang out one on one. we know they eat together often, someone saw syongseoknen eating out at a restaurant once, and we know that they knew each other as trainees as well. in my personal opinion, i think they have a long way to go but i think they ARE getting there! they are together 24/7 whether they want to be or not. they're bound to get closer and they have gotten visibly closer over the past couple of months :-)
i think their bond will have the sort of renaissance that syongseok did because i don't know how long you've been a fan for, but when eunseok got introduced as an smrookie, we actually didn't know how close him and sungchan were! we didn't even know that they knew each other as trainees/in high school. they were even a fair bit awkward, but as you can see now that they're in a group again and their bond is closer than ever. we legit had no idea that they've known each other for 7 years, which is why i think that clip of eunseok choosing shotaro as his fav nct member and sungchan getting jealous from "welcome to nct universe" is hilarious now because like. DUDE!!! picking the guy you barely know over the dude you've known since high school... zero shame. those bastards fooled us all didn't they <3 (extremely lovingly and affectionately btw)
sungchan and wonbin have a history too, it's going to be 5 years this year (don't know the exact month because i don't think we know what month wonbin joined sm, if someone knows please lmk!!!) in total that they've known each other! they're a little different from 01z just because those two knew each other as trainees for around 3 years, and for wonbin and sungchan it'd be more like 1½-2 years ish maybe, but that's not nothing! it's just been a while since they've been in each other's presence, i feel like. they're definitely going to get much closer over this upcoming year as they get used to each other again because no doubt that they've changed a lot after about 2½-3 years since they got to see each other a lot i think! eitherway, i think the lack of information but the many crumbs of their relationship is what makes syongnen so inticing for a lot of people. they're fun! they're mysterious! they clearly have some kind of a history! that's very fun to explore! i love them anyway and as much as i write them romantically, i love them as friends too. i hope they eat well together :-) <3 <3 <3
just read local boy makes god series and i am beyond obsessed with it i dont think i have the intelligence to fully convey my thoughts. no seriously, i felt like you changed the trajectory of my life solely with that. also, ive been wanting to read books for quite some time and was wondering if you have any suggestion that is similar to what you wrote :)) or any personal favs would be fine too!
thank you so much for reading! i'm glad you enjoyed it so much <3 it's basically a mentally ill situationship The series. someone had to do it!
my most obvious suggestion is actually a book i haven't read! my dear dear boyjeans/brachioios on twt told me that for both of the fics, it really reminded them of "heaven" by mieko kawakami. (as a side note go read their entire bibliography of fics they're amazing i love them). onto my personal reccomendations!
if you're having trouble reading longer things consistently, then i would start off with short stories and poems. "crush" by richard siken is an obvious choice for a poetry book and i've even used someone of his lines in "in cages of desire." "kingdom animalia" by aracelis girmay is also another amazing one, i think about her poem "i am not ready to die yet" more than what is considered healthy. my favourite short story collection is "awayland by ramona ausubel. another one is "slaughterhouse" by yves olade, it's 17 pages and worth your time. here's the link for it, you don't have to pay for it but you can tip! https://payhip.com/b/RKhp
these are all novels that are between 150-350 pages: "convenience store woman" by sayaka murata, "flowers for algernon" by daniel keyes, "in the dream house" by carmen maria machado, "on earth we're briefly gorgeous" by ocean vuong, "the perks of being a wallflower" by stephen chbosky. as always, please look up any content warnings for the books themselves if the summary intrigues you and you have any sensitivities towards certain content! stay safe always. if you ever end up reading one of these, please let me know your thoughts by popping in here, i'd love to know what you think (and so sorry for how long this is) <3
Hi River,
I actually wanted to send this to your dm but I’m too shy… so I hope you still check your retro and that this letter finds you well 💌
Tbh, I don’t know what happened behind your last tweet, and I’m so sorry that you had to experience all that :( I genuinely hope everything will get better for you
River, I hope you know there are so many people who love you and your writing and would never take it for granted. We miss you—I miss you—and I want to personally thank you for giving us a chance to read your masterpieces. I can’t fully express my gratitude for how your writing brings me comfort in a hard and often cruel world. Your retro answers keep fueling my love for syongnen, and you always do your best to talk to us, share your ideas, and explain the thought process behind your stories—all the detailed glossarium and commentary. I’ve always admired your passion for the things you love ☹️❤️🩹
Parting with you and your work truly feels like a breakup, one I once thought even time couldn’t mend. For me, it came with the five stages of grief…
Denial. At first, I refused to accept that I’d lost the most respected syongnen writer, the living legend—the “look, we have Goregrief on our side” that all syongnenists will always love and be proud of
Anger. I cried real tears. I hate SM so much for putting us in such a confusing situation that keeps hurting us and the members. I lost so many people I love in the fandom, I lost you, everyone’s grieving, and I feel this open wound in my chest that I don’t know how to close
Bargaining. I kept thinking, “He’s just taking a break. Maybe he’ll come back when things get better.” I still think this way, even though you’ve said you’ll never write about them again. I wondered if I should ask if you’d consider putting your work up again, maybe on Ko-fi because I know I’d buy it in a heartbeat, even though converting my currency to USD would burn my savings. I’m glad I stopped myself and my intrusive thoughts.
Depression. I feel so lost because I took comfort from your writing. I can’t count how many times I visited your profile, reread your works, and read through your retro answers for all the anons. I began to question myself: why didn’t I express my gratitude sooner? Why didn’t I download your work? Why does the world have to work this way? Why didn’t I tell you how thankful I am for your existence?
Acceptance. Eventually, I’ve come to accept that people grieve and mourn in different ways. I understand that this must have been a hard decision for you because, as you said, it’s painful for you too. I’m glad you chose to save yourself and put yourself first to keep going with your life. You did a great job, and I wish you all the best for your next journey. I hope the world will be kinder to you ❤️🩹
I’m glad that in this lifetime, the universe let me meet you, even if it was just for a brief time. All of the thousands of words you shared with us for free, the character lines I still can recite to this day, will be beautiful memories I’ll love to revisit for a long time.
River, people here talk so highly about you in a language you might not know, in private spaces you might never see, and in our hearts, which are hard to translate into words. You may never see us, but you are so, so, so loved—I hope you know that. Thank you for everything, I love you and will always miss you 💖
don’t be too shy! it’s mostly just some individuals trying to be nasty and awful towards me for no reason since i’ve left. i’ve deleted all of them and i’m not responding obv lol
either way, thank you for reading both my works and my retro answers (it always makes me happy to hear someone considers them worth of value to read since it’s just My personal thoughts etc), and i’m sorry for all the grievances i’ve caused for you. i promise you that it’s just as hard for me and i’ve gone through all the same stages of grief. i don’t want to lose my small readership purely because of readers like you — the sweet, kind and thoughtful ones — but i know better at the same time. historically, i’ve never really known how to quit, so.
as for the kofi thing, that’s not going to happen unfortunately :,) it’d be super easy for my works to spread and i think that whatever started as free should stay free. (+ privacy concerns)
anyway, thank you. i really do appreciate this message from the bottom of my heart. i’ll remember it just as long as you remember my works, i promise that ❤️ oh and i’m aware a lot of indonesians/malays/filipinos like my works, which i’m so thankful for! i don’t speak any of the languages, but i see it and i know. thank you :-)
thank u always for sharing your talents with us! i know one day i will read an incredible novel written by you :,) i hope you stay well and healthy!
i went to your ao3 to share your work with one of my friends, and i was not made aware of the absolute tragedy that had fallen upon me. i love your work, so much. i’ll miss the days when i would stay up late just to continue reading your fics, captivated by how you write. i will forever remember the plot twist that nbmb had. i love you so much. you were my favorite writer and will ALWAYS be my favorite writer. i will read books and think “this doesnt compare to what river/goregrief wrote”. you were an angel to me. i support your decision wholeheartedly, and i will forever miss you in briizeville.
i miss talking about syongnen and yunjae lore with you
https://x.com/justlovesc/status/1850539667562840261?s=46&t=oU91A12DOCGtpm7CRB_A6g
I learned loving sungchan through your writing i hope i can see them again someday
Im crying so mych i really love yur worls esp the f1 fic and had reread it a lot it helped me thhrougj lots of thinf i respecr ur decision anr i widh youll considet ro unpriv it so i could download it to my ereader, tjank u for everything i always a bug fan of your works it hurts me losinf u and ur amazing works since im a big big fan of sungchan too i hope this wound will heal ebentually i love you inwisj u all the bst in life
i'm so sorry sweetheart 💔 i wish it was different, too. i can't guarantee that i'll put up my works again, but if i do, take comfort in knowing that's my final decision and i won't take them off again, there just won't be any new ones :-) in the mean time, i really recommend for you to read authors such as richard siken, ocean vuong, r.f kuang and the like, they really informed a lot of my writing and i inspire to be like them! i hope this inspires you to read more books and any kind of literature in general, not discourage. i wish you only the best, and thank you!
hello river im so sorry and im so thankful for your writings. thank you for being here too. i hope i can pick up your book in the future! take care <3
my river bearrrr 🫶🫶 honestly its best to put yourself first, and it was probably a hard decision to make. ive definitely enjoyed everything youve put out, and i enjoyed the vibe you had. love you so much ❤️❤️ - 🦴
it was definitely one of the hardest decisions i've had to make in recent memory, but it came to a point where i recognized that this is what i need. i still hold out hope that i'll be able to heal the wound and come back home to riize one day, but i probably still won't be writing for them anymore. it's really unfortunate. thank you for all the laughs and your kind words over the months however, i really did appreciate them :-) i hope your journey takes you somewhere with lots and lots of flowers. ❤️
SORRY IF I SEEM TO RAMBLE I JUST REALLY RESONATED WITH WHAT YOU SAID BUT. i just got into your fics right before you privated everything, and even though it was brief i was soo beyond infatuated with them. everything about your writing, i was (still am) obsessed.🥹 Love Love. i know you've heard this a million times, but you are so talented. wherever life takes you, please never stop writing. im so thankful to have been able to read what i got to. my love for riize also got me delving more deeply into hobbies i soon realized were really my true calling and i know exactlyy how you feel.. its such a bittersweet feeling now. im wishing you all the strength and love in the world from the bottom of my heart friend.❤️🫂 again, thank you thank you thank you. such an awesome writer i just know your future portfolios are gonna KICK ASSSS. i hope you do what you love forever. thank you so much for all ur super cool awesome stuff and all of the time and hard work you put into it. take care❤️❤️🐙🐙🐙
don't worry, i totally understand! that is really unfortunate timing, my bad :,) thank you so much for your kind words despite only knowing my works for a short amount of time. i appreciate it so much, you're so sweet! again, i don't know when but i may be ok w opening my works back up again and i can only hope that you'll be able to find them and enjoy them if that happens :-) it's really people like you and words like yours that keeps me going. don't worry, i love writing too much to ever stop :-) thank you so much friend! i really wish you all the best. take care as well :-) ❤️
i really wish you the best in life. your writing is a work of art that i hope takes you far one day, thanks for helping me through your fics, thanks for contributing to the community, thanks for being patient when people were assholes. you were genuinely one of my favorite writers and although i am sad, i am even more happy for the ventures that await you. as for your mental health i hope it eases out one day, and you find peace. you’re amazing, thank you again :)
:-) ❤️ thank you. this is what i mean by "i'm losing so much," because it really is sad for me to leave so much of my readership behind. but i'll never forget you! trust! i'm glad my works were able to help you. i'm glad you gave my writing a chance in the first place. thank you so much, i wish you all the best ❤️
Hi River ^^
I just wanted to say that I've been a fan of your works and I also got introguced to a number of great works through you.
Thank you for all the stories you brought to life at the expence of your own time and effort.
I shall get into reading more books now and maybe I'll stumble upon your writings again someday, in a different platform/setting REGARDLESS!
Hope everything works out for you.
For the very meger duratiom of time in which i stumbled accross your works, I think they've left quiet an impression HAHAH. And they will remain in the better part of my memory.
Sorry about the weird wording, english isnt my first language so ive yet to become a storyteller...
Whether you've decided to go on a break or leave for good, I wish you well for your future endeavors!
hi! thank you. it makes me happy that others are encouraged to read more books as it's obviously one of my greatest passions and goes hand in hand with writing :-) i hope that it will lead you back to my books... in the future... hopefully. anyway. you are totally fine, i understand your sincerity eitherway! thank you for your well wishes. i hope the same for you. ❤️
do you think sungchans eyes start tweaking when he notices how small wonbin's wrists are and how big his own hands are?
https://x.com/scwbzz/status/1845060684490604565 what if you got ran over by the syongnen bus
no king speak ur truth ollie bearman is the jsc of f1 just a happy guy glad to be there- 🦴
https://x.com/binjinsu/status/1844917449927618722 second pic im genuinely tweaking on this fri evening
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