Hi River,
I actually wanted to send this to your dm but I’m too shy… so I hope you still check your retro and that this letter finds you well 💌

Tbh, I don’t know what happened behind your last tweet, and I’m so sorry that you had to experience all that :( I genuinely hope everything will get better for you

River, I hope you know there are so many people who love you and your writing and would never take it for granted. We miss you—I miss you—and I want to personally thank you for giving us a chance to read your masterpieces. I can’t fully express my gratitude for how your writing brings me comfort in a hard and often cruel world. Your retro answers keep fueling my love for syongnen, and you always do your best to talk to us, share your ideas, and explain the thought process behind your stories—all the detailed glossarium and commentary. I’ve always admired your passion for the things you love ☹️❤️‍🩹

Parting with you and your work truly feels like a breakup, one I once thought even time couldn’t mend. For me, it came with the five stages of grief…

Denial. At first, I refused to accept that I’d lost the most respected syongnen writer, the living legend—the “look, we have Goregrief on our side” that all syongnenists will always love and be proud of

Anger. I cried real tears. I hate SM so much for putting us in such a confusing situation that keeps hurting us and the members. I lost so many people I love in the fandom, I lost you, everyone’s grieving, and I feel this open wound in my chest that I don’t know how to close

Bargaining. I kept thinking, “He’s just taking a break. Maybe he’ll come back when things get better.” I still think this way, even though you’ve said you’ll never write about them again. I wondered if I should ask if you’d consider putting your work up again, maybe on Ko-fi because I know I’d buy it in a heartbeat, even though converting my currency to USD would burn my savings. I’m glad I stopped myself and my intrusive thoughts.

Depression. I feel so lost because I took comfort from your writing. I can’t count how many times I visited your profile, reread your works, and read through your retro answers for all the anons. I began to question myself: why didn’t I express my gratitude sooner? Why didn’t I download your work? Why does the world have to work this way? Why didn’t I tell you how thankful I am for your existence?

Acceptance. Eventually, I’ve come to accept that people grieve and mourn in different ways. I understand that this must have been a hard decision for you because, as you said, it’s painful for you too. I’m glad you chose to save yourself and put yourself first to keep going with your life. You did a great job, and I wish you all the best for your next journey. I hope the world will be kinder to you ❤️‍🩹

I’m glad that in this lifetime, the universe let me meet you, even if it was just for a brief time. All of the thousands of words you shared with us for free, the character lines I still can recite to this day, will be beautiful memories I’ll love to revisit for a long time.

River, people here talk so highly about you in a language you might not know, in private spaces you might never see, and in our hearts, which are hard to translate into words. You may never see us, but you are so, so, so loved—I hope you know that. Thank you for everything, I love you and will always miss you 💖