Hallo.... Ummm. I have ruminated on this question for a while, as, naturally, it's a sensitive subject. I like to be honest about my experiences and feelings when I can (hence... why I discuss being ill at all, haha) but I also like to maintain a degree of distance when brushing up against the Super Personal. For both privacy and comfort and... well, I'd never want to say something that creates the wrong expectations from me. Typically this is why I dislike labels as a whole... A mix of self-consciousness and not wanting to create a ton of assumptions. I feel like presenting self with 'I am [x]' immediately creates a ripple of questions, like 'in what way?' 'but how much?' 'he was [x] all along... so now I will associate him with [y]!' ⬅ I really do not want this......... I prefer to be imbibed moment to moment as an individual. I would like it to be that, if you're invested in WHIM lore, you uh, learn organically over a period of time he be certain ways... Ya know? (´ε｀ )

..... *plink* ummmmm. But I understand you earnestly want to know about me, which is totally fine!! I just wanted to preface with alla dat... and reassure that I'm answering to my comfort level. So let's not worry~ ｡◕‿◕｡

So the short answer is... yes. I would say that I am disabled... A part of me really resists the reality, because I feel like a liar, like it is wrong of me to say it... But on a sheer pragmatic level I can understand it is what I'm going through. Like even if I resisted saying it here ⚊ I'm literally dealing with paperwork that terms me as such, HAHA... My current weekly routine is booking appointments and meeting with like 5 different medical professionals... My wife is now my Adult Escort. Sooo like, a rose by any other name, is all it'd be. :B I'm working on accepting it is my current status... and that, I've always needed a lot of assistance, and I've been living a compromised life, for the most part.

Historically, I've always used art/writing to express this through characters. I both connect strongly to characters that are very ill in canon, and project some of my own traits for fun. A real mix, I would say! (ˆ𐃷ˆ) I feel verrry strongly about Homura and Amane both having congenital heart conditions... The way this impacts their psyche from childhood is something I want to really emphasize and explore-!! To the point where, I do quite dislike mundane AUs that remove this as an aspect of their character... Does not feel right to me, to create a canon where they are 'normal people' who have no struggles. Is totally missing the point-!! How boring... I'm OK with wanting to strip a world of magic/supernatural elements, I just dislike the magic fix-its that come with it... IF you want a Homura that never becomes a magical girl, she should always be ill-! If you want an Amane that can survive childhood without Tsukasa's sacrifice, then he should slowly recover-!

My predilections are such that I naturally like hurt/comfort, angst, whump... I do fetishistically enjoy hospital settings, medical treatment, the individualistic symptoms of different types of ailments, things that arise since birth, or from a traumatic incident, or contracted... chronic, acute... Soo, if anything, I prefer to increase the intensity of the disability when possible. I do not want characters to Get Better ⚊ what a far too convenient solution...! And how boring, and unrelatable... I don't want Tavros to get robot legs, I don't want Ed to get his arm and leg back-! *traps them in wheelchairs!!* Isn't it a much more complicated struggle to have to accept that you might never 'get better'... you might never be able to just be 'useful' or 'strong', or live life like everyone else...? Someone like Sunny won't just 'grow up', being less mentally ill isn't an option for him. What if he NEEDS to be babied, have his hand held through everything...? What if he just can't do school-??

Not only is it a more compelling struggle to me, but I like the commitment that presents on the caretaker's end... To accept the unconventional, to tailor their life around the other... To be needed so endlessly and wholly. Of course, I don't think of the caretaking one as always perfectly able and well-! I like to care for my Avvy as well, after all... in what ways I can. It's about helping one another... filling in each other's gaps. ❤‍🩹 So, I think it is important that both characters be unfit for society in someway, unable to be normal, acceptable, in some crucial way... It is an escape for the both of them.

Also worth mentioning that we take turns with who is the Sick one... remix the situation in many ways... I do not always Need MY character to be the one who is explicitly more ill/compromised. I enjoy stepping up as the caretaker role, being older, more competent-! After so many years spent together, I feel like we've really had infinite moments of passing the baton, doting on one another... So it's fulfilling for me to perform as caretaker. I'm quite grateful that I can explore that side of me respectfully, acknowledge how I enrich my Avvy... (I feel like WHIMs tend to be more nefarious when they are less nerfed... I see her as more pure of heart, while he is more like some terrible dracula in a cape locking her in his mansion........)

Returning back to the topic of our real life dynamic, ummm... Gosh, I couldn't possibly list all the things Avvy does for me... I like, everything, she's the sweetest girl in the world, accommodating my slow clumsiness... I can lie in bed while she brings me water, all my meds, tucks me in for a nap... and while I nap she'll make me a special meal and fix it up way nicer than I ever asked... greet me lovingly when I wake up, talk to me sweetly... She always checks in on me and notices when I'm starting to seem Off, she's so attuned, truly observant.... Able to comment on things I'd never notice and, find my bad habits sweet or funny... It forces me to hate myself less, and feel less humiliated by my inability to do so much. It can't be soo bad if my wife sees me as such a lovable thing lol.... sigh....

I feel like there's so many anecdotes of me, like spilling, breaking, dropping things, and just sitting there crying while she takes care of it all around me. Avvy's dealt with my barf and boogies and tears, applying ointments and powders and special soaps. She's the only reason I can have long hair without it becoming a matted mess... She scans my art, organizes my desk, ties my shoes... I really couldn't be a fraction of myself without her help. Hence why I emphasize all the time, how she is amazing and I owe her everything... It's no joke... I couldn't list a single person who has done half as much for me. I was a neglected child so I feel like by now she's easily done more basic care for me than any adult did for me when I was little.... And, she's incredibly gorgeous and 10000x more charming than anyone HAHA...

Whenever I reflect on it all, I get like... *smiles placidly* uahh, what am I even coping with... My life is pretty great...... Basically getting cookies and milk brought to me, and RP'ing getting cookies and milk brought to me. The ultimate cope.......

Well, I hope any of that was educational/interesting/etc.! ♪ヽ(･ˇ∀ˇ･ゞ)