Oh yeah I play regularly... Frankly, if I didn't like to play it, I wouldn't bother with the character aspect. I think so much of being drawn to making OCs is imbibing the game over time and playing dress up with the dollies... I do not really care much at all for the NPCs, so really the meat of the experience for me is playing and daydreaming about what my characters can do.

At the moment, I'm not playing So Much, it kind of waxes and wanes. I have a month or two where I fixate and play lots, then cool down and play more idly. I played the most recent splatfest! Though I haven't been so active lately, cuz I already completed this season's catalog, and I'm eager for it to swap to one I haven't 100%'d...

I like to play various weapons, I wouldn't say I especially main any 1 thing... I get into moods and pursue something for a bit. I'm Just OK at most of them. I'm the worst at precision/heavy weapons, and best with lightweight / generally 'balanced' things... I prefer to hit and run, rely on swim speed, always be moving around and out of reach. I think the weapons with my best performance are like, the jet squelcher, the mini splatling, and the dark tetra dualies. Jet squelcher is predominently what I like to use for various modes of ranked... looking over my history on the ninty online app, that has the highest percentage of use most of the time. So that's the closest to my 'main'....

I like that the jet squelcher has a good range, decent firing speed (not too slow...), isn't super heavy. Lets me mow down others at a distance, push forward when I need, retreat easily... For regular turf, I do prioritize ground coverage more than conflict of any kind, I like meandering about and filling space... Ranked, I'm more of a support role, but I'm proactive with riding the tower/carrying the rainmaker/punting for the goal in clamz. I'll do what I fucking Have To... Meanwhile, I love the mini splatling because you can walk around nearly unimpeded when firing, great handling!! I'm a bit frenetic in the match so I like being able to swivel quickly and fend someone off.... Splatoon is often breakneck, I feel like I need an exit strategy always. I feel like the mini is GREAT for clamz also...!! Dunno, have the most fun with it! Combine with swim and run speed and it's like HUAHH here I come-!! Pitch that gd football. As for daulies, you can imagine I really enjoy the 4 dodge rolls, and the firing while you roll... pew pew pew. I'm of course prone to rolling in terrible directions, but it's highly stimulating as a mechanic. When dualies debuted in Splatoon 2 it was immediate love~ I would say it's such an iconic weapon for one of my OCs bc I played as her predominently for Splatoon 2's debut. I really enjoy it's design-!!!

As for other weapons I really stand by... I love the luna blaster!! I just love how it is Shapes... My favorite and probably only blaster I can really use well, my best friend for tower control often!! I want to gnaw on the orb that comes off the main body...

Carbon roller and big swig are so fun for turf! Roll around and paint the ground baby! I used the carbon a lot when playing the first game. I just love to run fast... I used to not really appreciate the ability to squish opponents with rollers, but more recently I've come around to it, with the flingza. I think it just took more fine-tuning of my gear and raw practice to compensate for the lack of speed I enjoy... It's really good for specific tri-color maps though :U

I'm less adept at it, but I really love the tri-stringer, it's so good for salmon run! Can take out so many boss salmons... I think it shines best there, able to assist with so many ways, in different modes, and... Ah, I'm more embarrassed but I also really like it visually, I guess it feels like it's uh pushing what can be an ink-based weapon... in a way I enjoy though... Firing sharp darts of ink into enemies at a distance is cool... I like bow & arrow in video game, uhh, my Link brain really stimulated by it or something, so I must simply likey... I guess, I'm often into the debut weapons... *scuffs shoe*

And most recently, I've explored using some sloshers, specifically the explosher... I've actually found that it is QUITE FUN! Despite it kind of going against the things I noted previously, with being bad at heavy class weapons...! I think the mobility of a slosher kind of helps, I have a better time gauging the 'arc' and distance, instead of the straight-shot of most blasters/chargers... I've had some good times playing ranked with the explosher, specifically tower control, and a few instances of splat zones (my least preferred mode but! I still play sometimes...) I think it took watching more 'meta' videos and genuinely grinding to get better at this one, so I'm a bit more proud of where I've landed... I played a looooot, of splatoon a few months ago, so I had time to practice...

Salmon run is such another beast, so my preferred weapons there vary... Oh but of course, explosher is a great one there too. I much prefer using chargers in this context, all ranging from squiffer to e-liter. It feels really good to down boss salmons closing in on your team...! I also prefer brushes here. It's of course an ILLEGALLY MODDED DIRTY WEAPON but I can't get enough of the grizzco roller... It's a faaaaaast car! 🚗💨

So yeah I like to play, I... really, really like to play...! It's nearly been a decade since the game's been out and I've played every installment. Honestly it's unique, since I generally really hate, co-op, MMO, and shooters... They really solved all my gripes with those things... If all the avatars are slutty lolishotas and we're playing with Doohickeys blasting slime at each other... then. All is well... :) Also it's so silly and bright and colorful, just how I like it!! Yay... (and uh, no one being able to say anything other than OOMI... squeemo! really helps too LOL... baby proof the game for me pls...)

Somehow splatoon really has this sweetspot of being stimulating gameplay and then cumrotting me idly about the world... Let's me daydream between those matches... A good synergy between these things. くコ:彡

In the 'starting point' of their canon, Harpoon is unaware of her obsession, wholly. I would say he is distinct in that he completely avoids social media, is not motivated whatsoever to partake of it... He uses the internet in a very clinical way, to research upcoming events, make necessary purchases for weapon maintenance, etc. Hardly superfluous with it. He also is chronically unable to reflect, kind of a perpetual motion machine... I've described before that, once the match is Over, it stops being of any important to Harpoon. So he wouldn't go out of his way to search himself online and see what people are making of him... negative, positive, doesn't matter, he won't pursue it. I think a fellow X-rank team member could Hold a phone in front of Harpoon's face, say it's footage of him, and he would still check out. That match is over, why would he care... -_-

As for Ruki, it's not a hobby of hers she goes out of her way to disguise, but she also doesn't advertise it, in general... She just wants to live her life, buy her footage, make her videos for her own sake... When she starts to interact with Harpoon, she is (correctly) assuming that he has no idea what she does... because, otherwise, why would he speak to her... (own self-consciousness.) It already feels like an act of charity that Harpoon lets her interact with him, as such a lowly nobody. Over time, she'd also get a sense of his disdain for how inklings behave at large, the kind of individuals he can't stand... So, she especially doesn't want to come off as a desperate fangirl, vying for his attention She's ah, trying to engage with him Intellectually... Not draw attention to how she's starstruck to meet him, how she's uhh, pouring over clips of him obsessively and expressing herself through her cringe music...

In Ruki's defense, they really do have a chemistry that is authentic, so it would really sting to have that undermined by the existence of her edits... But um luckily that is not what happens ww. It varies, depending on the context of when Harpoon sees them, but we have explored it through a variety of ways. If it's earlier in their dynamic, he has more of a 'distant' reaction, like... 'Oh, huh, I didn't realize'... Usually I think of Harpoon being invasive enough as to, wordlessly pick up her phone as she sets it down before running to the bathroom or something. Scrolling through her stuff mindlessly... He might, encounter that he's her phone background lol, of see creepshots of him in her media. Running into her compilations on her account, seeing that there are several, notes this... Maybe, quickly notes her username, to look up later, setting her phone down. Then exploring her account...

As I mentioned, he's not the most reflective person, so it all comes to him slowly, a trickling curiosity, that Ruki does this... His hindbrain would process, she's obsessed with me... Which would corroborate from her behavior already. She does fawn after him... He's just been slow to really register what it all 'means'... I don't think Harpoon is uh, able to point blank think, 'she has a crush on me', but the compilations express a sort of interest in him that is appealing... Doesn't damage his view of her at all, instead, he'd just want to learn more about her. I think he can marvel at her ability to turn match footage into something actually worth rewatching... Transformative... Glimpses of the past that he's forgotten, recaptured, recontextualized...? (Space alien brain...)

It would make Ruki feel Peeled Alive to be confronted about it, but after the initial humiliation, I think they can have earnest discussions about what she does, her methods... and they can wind up uh gassing each other up, as Harpoon puts more flair to his performance in matches, buys her footage as a gift, prompts her to make compilations For Him...

[taps mouth] Ooh, there was an instance though, where Ruki's private compilations that she makes for herself, were erroneously publicly uploaded, and she's bullied about this to hell and back... These edits being ah, more obviously loaded in nature, alluding to her crush... but upon running into THESE, Harpoon would dumbly feel horny about it all. The framing of him as this menacing, dark figure, haunting and stalking... He likes that... of course he does... He would feel seen for his efforts on his self-image. His integrity... he is Not like others... and she's right to fixate on that, to want to narrow the experience to only that... (and what he cannot consciously understand is that he's rawly attracted to Ruki, so it's like learning a hot person thinks you're hot...)

Many splinter timelines of these events... In some, they collaborate on videos together, filming one another... Harpoon jerks off about it lol... In natural Harpooki fashion, it becomes as direct as Harpoon filming him brutalizing her directly, handing the camera to her in the middle of it. Scary scary footage of girl being assaulted... but it's ah, beyond a dream come true for Ruki... worth all the previous agony and humiliation... And, she gets to be the obsessed over subject of the video as well... >///<

[he does a hand wave to indicate, disclaimer that this is all just personal taste, et cetera...]

To parse out what your question is asking, you're wondering if I ever like non cis boys in pairings...? And the answer is a bit muddy, since in general my handling of gender in HCs or OC making is kind of fast and loose. I like to deconstruct what it even means to identify as anything in fantastical worlds, or places where society has little bearing on one's sense of self... Like in Adventure Time, in the land of Ooo, so many years past human society, where any individual SPECIES feels ambiguous at times, I think it hardly matters... and everything is so insular, you can have a very conventional normie city of horse people with their horse wives going to horse business office. But then down the creek there's sentient slime that doesn't reproduce sexually, having a symbiotic relationship with a colony of mutant fish with a hive mind, and you're like ... [shrugs shoulders] What's our barometer here,,,, As such, I like to do away with labels a lot of the time, as much as I dislike interacting with society at large and prefer characters to eschew it, resist, runaway, not be able to really stand it...

So a lot of the time, I guess I wouldn't even bother using the label 'cis' for a character in worlds like that, as much as I wouldn't use 'trans'... It's not a factor. My dream demon sphinx sona isn't cis, even though he's always perceived himself as 'he' and has a cock, because. He's a reality bending dream demon sphinx and he simply EXISTS with a divine arrogance. He wasn't designated anything at birth. He wasn't even born. Do you follow...

That's just a general fly by about my preferences. ¯(°_o)/¯ As for narratives etc. where human concepts of gender are applicable, I play in the space sometimes. In Dipper's case, I do HC him as dfab, since him and Mabel seem closer to identical twins (which other in the fandom have felt, hence it being a HC that's circulated around.) However, I ultimately want to see Dipper reconnect with girlness... come back to it, celebrate it with sister. The appeal, to me, is that Dipper is rather young and still figuring self out, and even in canon is struggling with harmful concepts of masculinity. I feel like it'd be the most fun/satisfying to unpack that, not have to meet those expectations... (and fwiw I would want this to be the case even if I thought of Dipper as a cisboy.) Another instance of shifting through identities is Taako, with Angus being the instigator for that. More shenanigans based, but I like to think of Angus at first thinking of Taako as a beautiful lady elf, but then having to walk back that perception, but then... again, interacting with this when attraction/intimacy etc. comes into play. Miss'ing and ma'am'ing when horny lol...

Which is a good segue into discussing the fetishistic elements of this all. I enjoy when a character is the catalyst for another's shift of identity... Like, someone rising to meet the other's taste, a kind of submission...? Willingness to be anything the other wants — but I should emphasize, it's not meant to greatly upset or contort anyone's self image. (So I'd draw a distinction from the like, humiliating aspects of force fem/sissification etc.) I prefer it to feel like, a natural evolution, becoming all that they were Meant to be... [laughs] I think girls are hot so, I want "becoming a girl" to be a very hot, sexy, celebrated thing!!!! (｀∇´)✧

This fetish trickles into other circumstances, ships, in various ways. For example, in HxH, I like Killua to be a cisboy who is very, terribly dysphoric about his body, and it's kind of up to Gon to have a super simple outlook on things, inclined to think about things akin to animals in nature, breeding etc. Which would lead to him treating Killua as 'the female' very naturally. It feels like it's just in Killua's Nature, he's quite girly isn't he ? and he doesn't seem to like being a boy ? :0 [incredibly childish way of seeing it all, but one that forces Killua to feel like 😩 Yes master... Since the world has all kinds of crazy magic, I imagine this escalating to Killua being given a pussy and really enjoying that experience — but neither he nor Gon feel like it's important that pronouns etc. change. He's just... Killua. So that's a pussyboy situation that I dabble in. But I can't call it a trans thing at all lol it's more like hentai nonsense... with some emotional severity ?? I suppose.

Just trying to list various examples to paint a picture... Like, I enjoy thinking about Yuri from YOI with pussy when paired with Yuuri, but that's a case of just liking to genderbend, so it's an AU where Yuri is a girl... There's no identity being imposed or contemplated at all there, it's just ummm imagining a heterosexual couple. But since I don't mod Yuri's appearance at all, visually it's a pussyboy thing, but also I think Yuri looks like a girl so it's kinda like . Or is it . Who can say......

[sitting here, thinking...] uahmm I do just like out of context, one off porn where this is at play, like. I can just see a drawing of Tsukasa with a pussy being fucked by Amane and I'm like 🥴 heurr, nice... Whatever magic etc. that lead to this, I will accept it. Nice image 👍👍 hot, sexy, love to see my waifu's pussy get slammed 👌 I'm complicated until I'm not, really. Mostly though, I really want the subjects to be feminine, attractive, and Avvy-adjacent enough for me to lurve... There's lots of boys I don't have any desire to see as pussy boys bc I don't have need of their, pussy, LOL... It needs to uhhh be hot and serve a purpose...... .. .. . 👉👌

Hallo.... Ummm. I have ruminated on this question for a while, as, naturally, it's a sensitive subject. I like to be honest about my experiences and feelings when I can (hence... why I discuss being ill at all, haha) but I also like to maintain a degree of distance when brushing up against the Super Personal. For both privacy and comfort and... well, I'd never want to say something that creates the wrong expectations from me. Typically this is why I dislike labels as a whole... A mix of self-consciousness and not wanting to create a ton of assumptions. I feel like presenting self with 'I am [x]' immediately creates a ripple of questions, like 'in what way?' 'but how much?' 'he was [x] all along... so now I will associate him with [y]!' ⬅ I really do not want this......... I prefer to be imbibed moment to moment as an individual. I would like it to be that, if you're invested in WHIM lore, you uh, learn organically over a period of time he be certain ways... Ya know? (´ε｀ )

..... *plink* ummmmm. But I understand you earnestly want to know about me, which is totally fine!! I just wanted to preface with alla dat... and reassure that I'm answering to my comfort level. So let's not worry~ ｡◕‿◕｡

So the short answer is... yes. I would say that I am disabled... A part of me really resists the reality, because I feel like a liar, like it is wrong of me to say it... But on a sheer pragmatic level I can understand it is what I'm going through. Like even if I resisted saying it here ⚊ I'm literally dealing with paperwork that terms me as such, HAHA... My current weekly routine is booking appointments and meeting with like 5 different medical professionals... My wife is now my Adult Escort. Sooo like, a rose by any other name, is all it'd be. :B I'm working on accepting it is my current status... and that, I've always needed a lot of assistance, and I've been living a compromised life, for the most part.

Historically, I've always used art/writing to express this through characters. I both connect strongly to characters that are very ill in canon, and project some of my own traits for fun. A real mix, I would say! (ˆ𐃷ˆ) I feel verrry strongly about Homura and Amane both having congenital heart conditions... The way this impacts their psyche from childhood is something I want to really emphasize and explore-!! To the point where, I do quite dislike mundane AUs that remove this as an aspect of their character... Does not feel right to me, to create a canon where they are 'normal people' who have no struggles. Is totally missing the point-!! How boring... I'm OK with wanting to strip a world of magic/supernatural elements, I just dislike the magic fix-its that come with it... IF you want a Homura that never becomes a magical girl, she should always be ill-! If you want an Amane that can survive childhood without Tsukasa's sacrifice, then he should slowly recover-!

My predilections are such that I naturally like hurt/comfort, angst, whump... I do fetishistically enjoy hospital settings, medical treatment, the individualistic symptoms of different types of ailments, things that arise since birth, or from a traumatic incident, or contracted... chronic, acute... Soo, if anything, I prefer to increase the intensity of the disability when possible. I do not want characters to Get Better ⚊ what a far too convenient solution...! And how boring, and unrelatable... I don't want Tavros to get robot legs, I don't want Ed to get his arm and leg back-! *traps them in wheelchairs!!* Isn't it a much more complicated struggle to have to accept that you might never 'get better'... you might never be able to just be 'useful' or 'strong', or live life like everyone else...? Someone like Sunny won't just 'grow up', being less mentally ill isn't an option for him. What if he NEEDS to be babied, have his hand held through everything...? What if he just can't do school-??

Not only is it a more compelling struggle to me, but I like the commitment that presents on the caretaker's end... To accept the unconventional, to tailor their life around the other... To be needed so endlessly and wholly. Of course, I don't think of the caretaking one as always perfectly able and well-! I like to care for my Avvy as well, after all... in what ways I can. It's about helping one another... filling in each other's gaps. ❤‍🩹 So, I think it is important that both characters be unfit for society in someway, unable to be normal, acceptable, in some crucial way... It is an escape for the both of them.

Also worth mentioning that we take turns with who is the Sick one... remix the situation in many ways... I do not always Need MY character to be the one who is explicitly more ill/compromised. I enjoy stepping up as the caretaker role, being older, more competent-! After so many years spent together, I feel like we've really had infinite moments of passing the baton, doting on one another... So it's fulfilling for me to perform as caretaker. I'm quite grateful that I can explore that side of me respectfully, acknowledge how I enrich my Avvy... (I feel like WHIMs tend to be more nefarious when they are less nerfed... I see her as more pure of heart, while he is more like some terrible dracula in a cape locking her in his mansion........)

Returning back to the topic of our real life dynamic, ummm... Gosh, I couldn't possibly list all the things Avvy does for me... I like, everything, she's the sweetest girl in the world, accommodating my slow clumsiness... I can lie in bed while she brings me water, all my meds, tucks me in for a nap... and while I nap she'll make me a special meal and fix it up way nicer than I ever asked... greet me lovingly when I wake up, talk to me sweetly... She always checks in on me and notices when I'm starting to seem Off, she's so attuned, truly observant.... Able to comment on things I'd never notice and, find my bad habits sweet or funny... It forces me to hate myself less, and feel less humiliated by my inability to do so much. It can't be soo bad if my wife sees me as such a lovable thing lol.... sigh....

I feel like there's so many anecdotes of me, like spilling, breaking, dropping things, and just sitting there crying while she takes care of it all around me. Avvy's dealt with my barf and boogies and tears, applying ointments and powders and special soaps. She's the only reason I can have long hair without it becoming a matted mess... She scans my art, organizes my desk, ties my shoes... I really couldn't be a fraction of myself without her help. Hence why I emphasize all the time, how she is amazing and I owe her everything... It's no joke... I couldn't list a single person who has done half as much for me. I was a neglected child so I feel like by now she's easily done more basic care for me than any adult did for me when I was little.... And, she's incredibly gorgeous and 10000x more charming than anyone HAHA...

Whenever I reflect on it all, I get like... *smiles placidly* uahh, what am I even coping with... My life is pretty great...... Basically getting cookies and milk brought to me, and RP'ing getting cookies and milk brought to me. The ultimate cope.......

Well, I hope any of that was educational/interesting/etc.! ♪ヽ(･ˇ∀ˇ･ゞ)

Oh sure... 9.9 I could drum up a summary of sorts, for my HCs/concepts for the Kuroki sibs. It's true that it was a passing fancy, but in the month or so I spent innit, I did romp around... Had fun, stimulating thots.

When I had first started watching/reading Watamote, I had done so out of simply curiosity to see more of Tomoko. It was a rather casual curiosity... I didn't expect much, I just wanted to learn more about what made her waifu material. Naturally, I had seen art of her over the years, and I mentally categorized her as being a type of girl like say, Konata from Lucky Star. I figure she was a lazy otaku, perhaps with more of a shut-in flavor. Was quite surprised she was far more miserable and unwell than I had the impression of — like, a social reject, anxious to the point of paralysis when talking to others, bitter, self-hating... But most shocking was that she was VERY, VERY HORNY like listening to yandere audios and playing otome games... Far more explicitly horny than I could have expected, so like, her desperation to stop being unpopular is a lot more about wanting to get laid... Which is so real for a teen girl fkfjshsfhh...

Part 2, I was unaware Tomoki even existed... and. Well. The way she sexually harasses him was rather appealing to me kfkf... so I started having investment in the two as a ship. At first it was frustrating that he was a stick in the mud, not playing along with her (I have a low tolerance for shitty boys...!!) But, that was quickly remedied when that he absolutely adored her as a child... To the point of, wanting to marry her, and wanting to get kisses from her... This new fact really shot through my brain. IIYARGHHH...!! What a thing to be true, about a boy like Tomoki... He appears like such a 'normal boy', irritated by sis, wanting her to leave him alone and stay out his room, just playing soccer or w/e. But I think it's genuinely more complicated if he used to be very close to her, and had a wee little crush...

Actually, an important detail is that the two have only recently drifted this apart from one another, so there hasn't been this much friction for the majority of their childhood! Tomoko reflects that they were playing video games together still, about a year before the start of the manga (iirc...) Recent developments... slowly petering out. It's kinda fascinating, they're not exactly like two siblings who have been at each other's throats for years...

Another thing of note: Tomoko was a very good big sister, once...! She was caring and attentive, playing with little Tomo-kun... He loved her for a reason!! With only a year apart between them, I imagine she felt like his best friend... In general, Tomoko bemoans how life was simpler and easier for her in the past; she did not always struggle with speaking to others... I figure her threshold is more suited to grade-school work/engagements... and as her peers mature around her / expectations increase, she is floundering underneath the pressure. Ofc another layer is I think puberty has made her crazy, basically immobilized with a desire for sex, while also unable to overcome how difficult it is to even exist now... As much as Tomoko has become more selfish, and poorly behaved, I feel like I understand why... After all, she still tends to get along well with young boys. T_T It's a 'loser' trait of hers, but I find it cute, and it makes me emo. She's got a very specific skillset.....

Likewise, even though Tomoki acts harsh, pushes her away, I kind of pity him to a degree. I feel like he once had all of Tomoko's care and attention... but as she aged, it fizzled out, and she became obsessed with other things, locking herself in her room for hours, on the computer all the time... She is uncontrollably teasing and pushy, wanting to use him for practice to improve speaking to others... I think he starts to feel like 'a means to an end' for her, which is very painful... and, embittering. I guess I kind of see him as a boy who was 'rejected' by his crush, who still has to Live with his crush, who minimizes the significance of their relationship, unknowingly... I think he used to be more reactive and emotional, but shut down, out of self-preservation, and is now a stone-wall when being called a siscon, or asked to show his cock. He kind of has to... kill, all the preciousness held between them, and go, whatever . We're not little kids anymore. So, it's fine. I don't care . [lays it all to rest...] [heart... encases in chains...]

It just so happens that his aloof, disaffected swag, and severe gaze draws in a lot of intrigue. Which leads to being seen as handsome, sports star... But er, I think Tomoki is amusingly irritated by the attention he gets; it is no great boon to him... He's a surprisingly passive guy, and he lacks motivation seemingly, to do much... A normal boy would be more proactive and cashing in on the social clout, would be making attempts at having a gf?? But he seems to have negative interest in any such thing... only doing 'the bare minimum' and getting by. Listless in his own way, but more dead-eyed about it, and able to perform 'well enough'. I think he detaches from everything and doesn't inhabit his emotions and thoughts very much at all anymore... Which is easier than being emotionally wrought, like Tomoko is. She is desperate and needy, vying for a solution to her misery... Which is challenging for Tomoki. He doesn't want, nee-chan to, greatly suffer, either, he's just... bitter. She really does make it more complicated by acting out tastelessly, and uhh, being willing to do things like, threaten suicide/self-harm fjfhhsh... I think he cannot remotely gauge how sincere or insincere she is, moment to moment, which makes her frustrating to give an inch...

... buuuut, Tomoko is very unwell and deprived, and I think it's fair to say that from HER perspective, everything is going well for Tomoki, and he doesn't even 'need her anymore'... It is unbelievably frustrating to her that he just brings friends over, is seemingly effortlessly popular, but not even doing anything 'with it'... Incel rage!! I think it has to manifest in calling him derogatory things like, soccer cock. And well I do think he ought to be more noble and sacrifice his ego for nee-chan's sake... She really needs the help. The fact that their mom has started to treat her poorly and dislikes her behavior sucks... Labeled the Problem Child, in a way. She's just terribly lonely... and self-hating... I really think touch, intimacy, sex, would fix her. If Tomoki thinks she's, attractive, he kind of owes her all of that,,,, but yk, easier said than done.

In the end, me and Avvy workshopped multiple situations where Tomoko ended up in a psych ward... In one instance, due to fucking around too much with self-aphyxiation, being found passed out & rushed to a hospital, and deemed as having attempted suicide. Also have explored her having a genuine psychotic break, with varying results, I know in one path she was having a major debacle with her mom and Tomoki stepped in, and in that instance got attacked physically by her (clawed his face real good, got him in the eye...) The point of these were kind of, to force Tomoki to recognize just HOW unwell Tomoko was, and how he'd have to stop being stoic if he wanted to see her better, or even be able to still live with her...

More chicanery based RPs were things like, Tomoko accidentally emailing Tomoki a piss video of herself... We prefer to work in the earlier series 'timeline' bc I do not care for when they introduce 10 random girls or w/e, but there was a scenario in later manga where some girls are over and trying to. Give him a boner but just. Can't. But we thought about this veering into actual sexual harassment towards him and his antisocial siscon ass just vomiting in panic, which leads to Tomoko intervening... and the two having to, investigate, if he has a borked sexuality or what... Que Tomoko having to introduce her brother to sex media. :) Boy has she got you.

That's just a generalized idea of it but... [waves] Hopefully fun to read... I like how unwell Tomoko is and want to give it due respect in exploration... I feel like Tomoki is maladaptive as well, and has an aching romantic heart (... buried deep in there...) which is something to struggle to unearth... It is a challenge but it is stimulating. The idea that a boy's first kiss and first wuv was his older sister and he's struggling with the fallout... kawaii. Nee-chan is a sex pest and does not think romantically so that's another issue.,, ,,, ,, You don't want her to feel validated that you are a 'siscon' because kfjdgh it's more special than that-!!!!! [cry]

Hm what else... I have thought about them at a younger age messing, but only vaguely... It's not impossible but, AMUSINGLY, I like to think their relationship was rather simplistic when they were very young, because they were both childish and braindead... I think about young Kurokis forreals just bug hunting and playing leapfrog together. LOVING to do it, play all day, eat shaved ice, but not,,, able to,,, conceptualize more... Sex pheromones not hit them yet. But hm I still think something could percolate... Middle school Tomoko esp is appealing to smink about... She's becoming chuuni after all.

That's all I have to say...! (‾◡◝)

fwahahaha I feel like you must be a new follower or something................ this is known WHIM lore. Or at least by no means a secret, kind of thing (I feel like often enough in my streams, I put on some taytay...) Maybe it seems to contrast all the indie and esoteric stuff (if you're aware of that? I'm actually curious what your impression of my music taste was...) In any case, the explanation is rather simple: I have a broad music taste, and I like many things~ (´ ▽ ` )

Before I get into what I like about Taylor's stuff, I feel like I could add some context... When I was young, I would say that I was rather sheletered and didn't have much of an understanding of what music even... existed? I feel like I only knew what played on the radio, and the one or two CDs that incidentally wound up in my position. (And... I swear said CDs were like, a Paulina Rubio album, and that album that is Disney kidstars doing pop covers of songs from their movies...? wwww)

It took me a long time to realize that you could listen to music On the Internet, and I had to be taught by a friend of mine in middle school. Said friend was a gay guy who listened to a lot of Lady Gaga, Kesha, Marina and the Diamonds etc. When I am close to someone, I tend to absorb their music taste like a sponge, so I wound up listening to a lot of pop girlie music for years. Mind you I don't bemoan this, I genuinely liked what I listened to, but I did not have a real idea of other types of music lolll... I was about 16-17 when my boyfriend at the time + his roommates happened to listen to indie rock, so I was exposed to that. I think around then, I started sniffing around 8tracks playlists for OTPs, and that'ssss when I really start sampling Weird Stuff. Like Whoa... This Music Is Different. *brain gets Slightly bigger*

Then I became friends with Avvy when I was 18 and, I admired Her so much, I absorbed any recommendation she gave me, eagerly. Compared to all my prior experiences, Avvy's music taste was soo unique & stimulating & enriching. She really values lyrics and meaning, which I had not really experienced before! It meant that when she shared me songs, it often came with notes about why she liked it, and what her favorite parts were... So there's this beautiful harmony of, my love and admiration for Avvy giving me a Lot of investment in what she gets out of the song, and the song itself is Unlike Anything I Have Ever Heard, transcendent. After so many years together, I've leeched tons of music from Avvy. So most of the Cooler, more Interesting stuff I like is because of her HAHA.

(Sorry for the ramble, I have an emotion of 'credit where credit is due'. If there is any impression of me being artful or interesting, it's really Because of Avvy. She uhh genuinely has made me a more thoughtful, introspective person. I would say she taught me how to derive more meaning from things, and how to find what it is I even like, for myself... TL;DR I owe Avvy any semblence of my maturity and eccentricness.)

Now rewind again... to a WHIM before Avvy's influence, and, also way before anyone else's influence. Placid baby WHIM listening to the radio in his room by his lonesome self. That WHIM, he just hears Taylor Swift's 'Love Story' come on, and his organic response is... 'Wow, this song is soo beautiful... 🥺 *sniff sniff*' I really just, hear 'You Belong With Me' and I'm like 'ah... I really get why that girl must feel that... she is in love........ *sigh* I want to be in love someday....' ⬅️ I almost dunno what else to say, that's how he was. I would imagine AMVs in my head for my OCs to this. Just spacing out like uhhhrhhh pulled out a ring and said... MARRY ME ahhhhhhh~ [the power of story entering my mind] ... and it's hardly changed since then, I just seem to rawly enjoy her music and lyricism. I'm a simple guy, I like hearing a girl talk about her feelings while she plays guitar. I think her songs cover a range of like... pining, longing, wistfulness.... bitter, wallowing, pettiness... playful, flirty, getting in-your-face... egocentric, crazy, unapologetic, er but also burdened with self-awarenss 'like yeah, I Suck'... I like all these emotions!! :) I am down for all of it, really.

I believe 1989 is the album where I really keyed into liking her, more consciously, not just passive radio listens. But I shrimply really enjoyed the hits from it, Bad Blood, Shake It Off, Blank Space, Style.... I guess this is when they go from being 'I Like It' to 'ughh I like it And it makes me Horny'... I'm basic lol I really enjoy the vibes of Style esp... I guess it doesn't even have to be the most relatable or relevant to my own experiences, to feel such a thing, I can just appreciate whatever Taylor is drawing insp from. These feelings, I enjoy being spectator of. Do go on about wanting a guy and taking off clothes. [folds hands.]

I am Aware of course, that many people find the reputation era very cringe, tasteless or w/e, but I guess this is where idrgaf about music industry drama, so I don't pay attention to that part... It doesn't actually matter to me what celebrities are arguing or who is dating who. I do not......... care, I just engage with music separately from that. It's either an interesting song or it isn't. I can't like research every single thing I listen to and I don't want to omg. (Because in reality I'm sure lots of music gets made surrounding drama... beefs...?? Music is personal like that... It's just a matter of how public some of it is right?) Whatever the case, I live under a rock and barely keep track of pop culture so I kind of have this blissful experience where I'm listening to End Game and I'm just like yeah man I love an egotistical boast... [is vain and egotistical myself] 🎶BIG REPUTATION!! BIIIG REPUTATION!!!!!!🎶🕺 Obviously I like Look What You Made Me Do as just, a song about being evilll and crazy (there was actually a good AMV about Fern someone made to it that I still think about...) I like Ready For It (I enjoy her rapping!), I Did Something Bad (why's it feel so good... yeah girl), Don't Blame Me (VERY FUN and again Yes... LOVE MADE ME CRAZY!!! So true), Delicate (really sweet sounding!)

Getaway Car fsr makes me so manic, I love to work out to it... Go so hard on the exercise bike to this... and conceptually pretty interesting, acknowledging the uh nature of jumping relationships, being unreliable due to having done that in the first place w this person... I respect it. Ugh I get like brain tinglies when I listen... HIT YOU LIKE A SHOT-GUN SHOT TO THE HEART !!!!!! [clutches chest...] us traitorsss never wiinnnn.... [rolling around...] Hm you know, I like musical songs because, I like to 'act out' the lyrics physically, doing hand gestures, posing my body, tuning my expression, and I definitely get this sort of satisfaction from this track....

Dancing With Our Hands Tied, another that makies me horneh... I think it's the pace and feel, makes me think about having intense eye contact with someone across a room, circling each other, lots of tension in the air.... A friend of mine put this on a ship playlist of theirs and it really spun my brain around. 9.9 Like nyuerrrrr... STIMULATES ME! On a similar note, King of My Heart has an energy like that too, though it also gives me heart flutters... 💞 Oscillating between tension and infatuation.... 💞~Change my priorities~...💞 hehhe.... Gives me major zoomies!

.... [becomes self-aware] I'm being too molecular, gomen, I won't keep doing this, because this will be a novel by the end of it... I feel like you Get the Idea now... Uhh. I really enjoyed Lover-!!!!!! Amazing album amazing aesthetic makes me also squeal and kick and binky. I made a Miraculous Ladybug AMV set to The Archer LMAO! I love soo many tracks from this album, 10/10, perfect title song too.. I really enjoyed folklore and evermore both, though I binge folklore hardest between the two. Also oddly good for doing exercise to, the last great american dynasty has that theatrical quality I enjoy, mirrorball can tighten my throat and make me feel like crying... Ugh but I must be extremely grateful for coney island bc it is a collab with The National, who I think meshes really well with her-!! (Not on her album, but their collab on the track The Alcott is also amazing. You could brand and the last thing you wanted, is the first thing I do into my body.) Um umm... Midnights, Good, overall not as Potent as some others for me, but it did give me Anti-Hero (? which might've been my most played song last year...) SO!!!!! I have no critiques. And then The Tortured Poets Department came out this year and I really liked it and binged it all! I would say the first 4 tracks are heaven I want to live in them in a loop.

So there you have it. I really like her! Really for realsies. Not a joke not a bit!! I was in the top whatever percent of her listeners on spotify one year so I got some coupon to buy a shirt from her store and I have that shirt and I wear that shirt regularly! !! !!! I do not really bother to get band/muscician tees but I would get more of hers if the opportunity came my way & the design was appealing. I don't really care about music tours but I've emotionally reblogged clips of her Eras tour. I'm so serious man I am not trolling anyone with this. Because, why would I, it's embarrassing and it makes me feel stupid LOL there's nothing to gain from such a thing............ It is simply my reality.

Destined to be a basic...

[scuttles off to resume my hibernation] 🐛

(For context, here's the ask Avvy answered, that anon is referencing.)

And also for context 2, yes, he is a Chara kinnie. We are matchies, and I do see Avvy as... my Azzy! And have for years. 🤍 [waves paws around] Ohh, but you know– it's interesting because, I got into UT / kinned Chara before I knew Avvy... So my feelings have changed over the course of knowing each other?

When I first played back in 2015, my most immediate feelings were just ones of... agony, sadness, for Chara and Asriel both. Regardless of relating to Chara, I didn't actually have much of a bias, I think I pitied them equally. Neither of them asked for this fate... And, oh, you know, it feels as though there was a lot unsaid... Could Chara really understand how much Asriel loved them? Could Asriel know what Chara really felt about his inability to follow through with the plan? Here they are, finally reuniting, both 'too far-gone' tampered beings living far past when they should... There's this absolutism in Chara's decision to end everything, simply cannot leave them to persist as they are. There's always an air of pragmatism to them, like, it's better this way. This simply made me feel doomful and forlorn.

I pined for an alternate ending, a moment where Chara 'snaps' back and crumbles to knees and apologizes to Asriel, who forgives profusely. (... it embarrasses me, but you can look upon an old drawing where exactly that is happening...) It was a meager comfort though, it kind of felt like, a fantasy I knew would never come to pass. I know like... you would think, the power of art/fandom is all about exploring possibilities, but I find that it really matters whether or not I personally believe in that possibility. It's like being unable to soothe a fear in your heart or something... *mutter mutter*

In general I would say my initial engagement of UT had this quality of... 'I'm sorry, please forgive me'. I was very lonely at the time and coming out of a bad relationship, so I think it all adds up. Some sort of endless grovel emotion. Er, but, fwiw, I always have an edgelord streak and, I was flagrantly horny for the mistreatment Asriel puts you through in the game lol, so... It's not like it was all pure misery, I had my fun when I could. There were certainly aspects of No Mercy Route that allured me... Thought a lot about the melding of Frisk/Chara's mind, as one progresses, the body feeling quite possessed, caked in injuries, own blood, and dust...

Once I had Avvy in my life, I had a more solid sense of... Security? In being loved by Asriel-? Even before we directly engaged in UT together, I think just having a euphoric love really helped unknot my brain in ways. So by ~2018 I was able to engage with No Mercy Route aspects with more flamboyance, uhmm, like moreso enjoying the messed-up state that Chara is in by it, and the interplay of them and Asriel, as they near the end. The building excitement as the underground is wiped, as they near their goal, but also Asriel's impending doom... I think I was able to fetishize the, uh, feeling of being a bear-trap for my lover. When before it felt like a curse, a sad reality. I still thought about alternate events where Asriel doesn't get killed, and the two linger and speak to one another.

More years pass... I would say the modern era is like, WOO yeah, woo, able to engage wholly with the ending. Emotions present: Lol, that me. THE DEMON WHO COMES WHEN YOU CALL ITS NAME... I think it's apt to see it as Chara's parallel to God of Hyperdeath, it feels like some peak delusion, manifest. Becoming something worse than either human or monster alike...? But of course, that was always the fate, it explains everything-!! It all makes sense... hahaha. I suppose I can more vividly feel the... hazy, hot, feverishness that comes with this warped mind, the confidence, the certainty to make the call, to kill everyone, the way this really makes sense and is for the best. =) Loving Asriel still, fond and pitying him, for what he can't help, but kind of ascended past any ability to feel things suchas frustration at him; he's a poor confused dummy. *affectionate, sweet tone...* It's not his job to understand.

It is still an easily brambly state of mind though. Chara is just er, very self-hating, even when they're wiling out, that kind of takes precedence; a lot of self-repulsion and species dysphoria that is rampant in them. I think the descent into No Mercy Route is filled with internal squabbling, reaming self, scolding self for being selfish and terrible. The initial disgust is like, look at you, you're SO VERY human, of course you would return only to cause the maximum amount of pain and misery!! A major defeat, but also an inevitability, mind breaking experience. So art of this phase is very vent-y still... but uhm, I would say with more interest in the suffering? The meta awareness that it's hot to be this crazy and that Asriel likes how scary I am lol? Or Something. *shrugs...*

I would also say that my 'what if we recognized each other and aborted the route' desires have now been shifted to Pacifist Route... I think that epiphany makes more sense here? With a less erroded mind. In the void, alone with Asriel, after the God of Hyperdeath confrontation. I want that hug to be like, reunited lovers lol, ASRIEL!!! Shrieks from lungs... I DON'T WANT TO LET GO! EITHER!!! And my newfound appreciation for selfishness means I kind of love the concept of um...? Just, letting Asriel keep all the souls of the monsters underground to power his body lol. The 'power of friendship' giving Frisk enough drive to get through the events of the confrontation with Asriel, to out-Determination him, to bring him down from his mega tantrum... but. The power of Chara's love for Asriel trumping everything, after the entire experience. Wishing to be together again No Matter What. I like how it would parallel No Mercy Route in uh, turning the underground into,, empty, wasteland, but less MISERABLY? Not slaughtering everyone but instead everyone kind of being sacrificed to bring the prince back, so him and his best friend could go to the surface together. Kind of interesting way for them to be the Angel, both saving and destroying everyone? I'd like to think everyone's wills would just be assimilated into Asriel over time slowly... Serene and peaceful end for Chara and Asriel after all their struggle, but hauntingly at the cost of everyone else ww.

↑ Tangent, but it's related to how my feelings have evolved over time. Overall... I feel less... guilt. I understand my center and focus is Asriel no matter what, so I can accept anything within that context. The world of the game kind of... revolves around, us, so. Feels fair. All the theatre that occurs is just an exploration of our feelings about one another, and we accept everything we do to one another. =) ❤️

A couple factors...! You know when I first started going by Bird, it wasn't my name IRL, but now it's been so many yaers, essentially it has fully integrated into my life... And I must say, it kind of feels odd to go by what I hear IRL constantly?? I wonder if it's just how my brain is trained but, I don't actually want to be referred to online by the same thing I hear from like, medical staff ww, it doesn't feel 'quite right'...

Though really, he is the sort of boy who likes to change names in general, like a new coat of paint. I like to have multiple names too... Lately I also like going by 雨井 (Amai), which can be shortened to Ame or Ama freely. Kind of sates my Amane kinnie brain, and is cute and flexible enough for JP spaces. He likes the thought of being called LOOM as well... purely theoretical but, he thinks of such things!

I've watched it yus, multiple times actually... I would say it is something I like to revisit. It is inspiring when it comes to like, unique worldbuilding, being immersed in something that operates with it's own defined logic/aesthetic. It even intrigues me, the way it's dystopian, well I do think that the idea of, life/self/identity/memories would be different, if bodies could be created, destroyed, transferred... I like all the ways we explore it. The planet (Apiba?) where bodies are soo commodified, obsessing on trends of the latest hot designer, bodies being constantly tossed out and rechurned into the new ones... I like seeing things taken to that extreme! It's garish and abstract feeling. Oh and of course, I like the episode itself, I do get emo about Patch's situation, poor thing... I appreciate the way we get taken through vignettes upon different planets, with different individual's lives; I think the eps that still get to me are Patch's, Chroniko's, the windmill keeper obaa-chan and her twin sons... Still work up tears over it...

The soundtrack is beautiful... The OP alone, honestly does sting my heart, both the lyrics and the visuals, hands reaching out... It's sf elegant and evocative, I'm impressed by it... Me and Avvy like to listen to the song itself ('Never') and contemplate ships sometimes, it's soo 💕💕💕 big feefees....

As for the central plot & boy himself, I think what keeps Kaiba compelling is that it's about a ROMANCE!! I do care less for the political intrigue and big space battle at the end (as you can imagine...) but Warp and Neiro's saga makes me emo!! My absolute favorite episode is simply the one where we finally get to see their meeting! The titular 'Kaiba'... Feel like I could rewatch that one endlessly!! How it all came to be... it's so sweet, it makes me feel basic... I like that Neiro named him, I like the significance of both names really... The plant Kaiba is named after itself, I believe it consumes memories, so that's an interesting in-world reason... But I like the baggage that hangs around Warp, and his position as royalty, seen as a cruel ruler of the world. The contrast of his life vs. Neiro's (disadvantaged girl...), and the way they connect while he is in this amnesiac state, very fairytale-like to me. Stimulates me... Also I feel great devastation for Hyohyo and her fate makes me a lil scream man. I wish to save her.

The style isn't perfect for me (like... the design sensibilities, a bit too Shapes and silly in ways to be like super horny for...) but it's appealing still, the simplicity, yet sense of volume, enjoyable.. One of those cases where the animation itself really makes it pleasing to watch, it's great to see in motion...

Overall, it's the sort of thing that doesn't create 'fandom' emotion, but I value it...! I like what it presents... glad it exists! It's of course nice when an anime is both visually distinct, but also relevant enough to my tastes... I think there's lots of, unique, artistic ventures made in anime, but their subjects or focus can't really hook me... So-!! Really really happy Kaiba exists and I can enjoys it! ( ˙꒳​˙ )