i don’t think peace exists if you are a good person. Kwame Ture once said “peace is the white man’s word,” and that quote changed how i saw things from then on. however, i do think that the joy we find in the things we love and the people we love are fundamental in our strive to liberation and revolution. we’ve been conditioned to think joy is an optional part of life, that we will still be able to function without it but we cannot. i don’t know if this helps at all and i’m truly sorry you’re feeling so lost and scared… i was feeling a lot of that especially at the end of last year. but my most helpful advice to you, is to turn that fear and sorrow into love for your community, and convert something paralytic into something catalytic. we cannot do this without community, we cannot resist without joy.