anon <3 · 2mo
sorry if my grammar is off huhu. i'm a bit late to the party, but. my take on how hnmng open up about their feelings is almost similar to yours. to me, jsvng is the type of person who can get an intrusive thought out of some nonsense. like a movie, weather, phrase or even a glass of water on the table? it settles in him with a clump of associations that don't sort out well. he locks the feeling inside, but like a gel balloon, it fills up, absorbing things from the outside world until it's in the air and becomes too much. and then the tipping point. the balloon bursts and everything falls out, falling to the ground in a split second before he notices. when mnho gets an intrusive thought, it doesn't come out of nowhere; this thought comes out of doubt, fear or anxiety that something must be going wrong. you know, like he has a red sign that goes with it, and the sign only lights up when it's triggered enough to pull this thought out of the dark closet. and the moment the number of red lamps around that sign can't get any more, mnho exhales, "okay, this one is really there, and i have to deal with it because it makes me too vulnerable." and then he expresses those feelings in five words, because more would only make it more confusing 🙂↕️
ah, i totally get what you mean! my take on your version is jsvng is such a poet, you know? he’s an artist through and through, a writer, and so he’s bound so find love in the smaller, more mundane things. which works wonders when it comes to writing but can be quite problematic when it comes to realizing that you have feelings for your best friend, right? it’s all these things piling up inside of him until he bursts, like you said. i do think that the bursting comes easier for him than it does for mnho — yes, it’s messy, and it feels quite chaotic, but jsvng is a very expressive person even when he doesn’t mean to be. he can cry or he can ramble or he can even raise his voice, and he finds his words, eventually, no matter how painfully awkward they are to say out loud.
mnho, to me, on the other hand, has such a grasp on his own life and the way of things that it’s the disruption of that order that tips him off balance. it’s as you said; once the doubt is planted, he’s too self aware to just ignore it and move on as if everything is normal, because he /knows/ that something is wrong. but knowing it doesn’t always mean he can do something about it, and so he does everything that he can to deal with it internally. surely, if he thinks it over enough times and rationalizes it as much as he possibly can, the problem is bound to disappear eventually, right? except jsvng never stops being there, and his feelings never stop growing, begging to be heard, to be acted upon, and this goes entirely against mnho’s nature, the way he likes to live his life always keeping one hand on the steering wheel. i Love (!!) that thing about expressing his feelings in exactly five words because yes! even if he eventually has to sit down and talk about what’s happening, because the consequences of not doing so weigh out the consequences of doing it, he’s still going to only give away what he absolutely has to — you know how singers need to learn breath control, which means not just to take no more and no less than the amount of air that you need, but also to know how to measure your exhales, the way you let it out, careful so as to not run out of breath mid-sentence or come out too strong when you don’t mean to, in an attempt to get all of the air out quickly? i don’t know if that makes sense, ignore my now-retired musical theatre student geeky self, but. yeah. yeah!!
