there's very rarely an actual good excuse, but I will say that the explanation for my doing so with so many people lately is when my physical and mental health both take a nosedive, I really just fall off the ball with all of the social responsibilities that I myself had set up with others and then turn inwards, or only keep to a very small handful of people. I haven't been very active at all in most servers I've joined, or even on my main account in so long either.

with the shortage of my meds these past few months, I'm just always fatigued, struggling to conjure and organize my thoughts, struggling with time blindness, and procrastinating can make keeping in consistent contact really difficult. it's frustrating to feel this burnt out, yet have nothing to show for it at all, as if I'm burnt out just from existing... these things, plus the shame of falling off of socializing with people I care about, can make me feel like getting back into contact after such an egregious amount of time in between may end up making the other person even more upset and disappointed with me, and so I get stuck in this mind swamp that causes me to put it off even longer, no matter how much I do want to. it's hard to explain because it's irrational thinking one can get stuck on, and it's frustrating that knowing it's irrational doesn't make it go away. so... often, it's not on purpose or something the other person did, but it's still really unfortunate and I have sadly lost friendships in this kind of self-sabotaging way. when it's really bad, the thinking will turn into some bizarrely "noble" idea that distancing myself from someone is for the other person's benefit in the long run, whether that's even true or not. if anything, this stretch of time has highlighted that I still have a lot to work on and things I need to take responsibility for.

I'm sorry for pretty much using this ask as an excuse to vent...! 😖💦 while there are other possible reasons why someone would silently distance themselves from others, these ones in particular are just the ones I've been struggling with very badly these past several months.