Currently i am torn apart between non-binary and agender bc both feel like something pretty darn close, i just do not know which one 🥲 ik agender falls under enby umbrella but like. I want a specific label dang it!

I think 2 years ago i stumbled across the fact that i might be not as cis as i thought for my entire life and that was honestly so tiring at the point bc back then barely settled on the fact that im actually an acespec lesbian for the fucking second time (another story ig). Literally "aw shit here we go again" moment. I tried neoprns along with my birth gender prns in english, and also started trying they/them in my native, also still keeping my birth gender prns. I slowly kept they/them + neos. Last year i was identifying as demigirl, but this year my chest dysphoria (afab btw) started to getting worse along with my appearance concerns. Like i literally started to care so much. Not even funny. All that pointed out that even if i like being more on a fem side of appearance, im not a girl. Not even a demigirl. Just a keeature.

I live in an unsafe place. Not only queerphobic household, but the entire fucking country and government. I can only access online transitioning. I have no fashion sense and experience in picking/styling clothes. Also dysphoria hits hard sometimes. Also explaining shit to my cishet close irl friends is scary af.

Tldr i didnt overcome shit. I might be a silly keeature online, but, like one non-binary (seemingly afab) youtuber said, "i probably would be a just weird girl to you", and that is painfully true in my situation, especially irl. I just have to live the rest of my life with that ig. Unless i can find a wife online and maybe make it my way out of the country. jk im horrible as a lover even without this selfish plan. do not recommend.

Btw i dont even use they/them irl when i speak bc my native language is gendered and if i slip somewhere unsafe it might cause so many problems 😭😭 i really should master the way of speaking with no pronouns at some point.