Brave Anonymous · 3d
I listened to the song you recommended--Angel by Joy Again. I haven't spoken to you in a long time, so I can't say if it's truly like you or not, but either way: it is a wonderful song, thank you for showing it to me. I really like the intro and the instrumentals, it has a very interesting rhythm to it.
Have you made friends offline? I'd like it if you were able to live a fulfilling life with friends around you, physically being able to be there and bring you joy. It's easier to re-learn things, I think, when you feel safer knowing there are friends who will defend you.
It's okay to talk about your experiences using my letters, I think it's wonderful. I want to know you as a person. I know you have grown and changed, and how I feel about "you" is more fixed on the person you used to be. I want to have the opportunity to know who you are right now, as well.
I will extend your apologies if the opportunity comes up, you have my word on that. I avoid bringing up old scars to my friends, but, if there ever be a time where you are brought up again, I'll remember to inform them of your thoughts now with as much justice as I could extend in your name.
Feel free to tell me anything that you feel like is on your mind right now, I can still follow your train of thought pretty well. Would it benefit you to tell you who I am? I fear you won't remember, but if it would make you feel more at ease, I will. --The Sun
Joy Again is bittersweet to me since an old friend -- a policeman, or perhaps a white guy, if you were around that inside joke era -- introduced me to them. Song and Dance is a great goodbye album and it's allowed me to move on from a lot of things. ^^
I have a lot of IRL friends! And we hang out often -- thrifting, Halloween, sleepovers, the beach! All things I couldn't do when I was lonely. The past February 25th, when everything happened, I was at a fair with them. On the 27th, I had told them about everything and expected them to avoid me, but they didn't, and we're closer than ever. I love my friends ^^ A recent source of anxiety is that we'll drift apart once we graduate, but I think what matters is that I'm much more comfortable socializing ... I think I'll be able to make friends easily once I go off to college thanks to them!
Right now, I'm thinking about how happy I am that tomorrow's my mom's birthday! I bought her gifts for the first time -- earrings and a necklace that I felt fit her and her style -- made her a playlist, drew a portrait of her, and wrote a note. I'm afraid that she won't like them, as my brother bought her something much more expensive than what I had, and she seemed to be very happy with his gifts as he chose to give them to her early ... But I didn't saddle her with these feelings, asking the rest of my family what they thought and they assured me it's intent what matters and my gifts fit her.
Speaking of: the relationship between my brother and I is much less turbulent these days. It doesn't undo the fact that he never apologized for what he's done to me in the past, but I think he must heal from his own old wounds too, just like I had to, and as an older sister, I should be more patient with him.
While I was still dealing with my problems post Feb. 25th, I got very strange and threatening letters ₍ᐢ. ̯ .ᐢ₎ That sounds random but it's related! It wasn't only that, people contacted my mom! One of those being an ex-friend, who ... I can't entirely blame, because I'm sure they deemed their actions justice. But I had known them 04? 05? Years, and they were definitely around when I spoke about how my brother would beat on me and his verbal abuse -- I would never go to the authorities on him, and I made endless excuses for him, but he was still abusive. This ex-friend told my mother they were scared for my brother! As if I was the sort of person to hurt him in any way beyond banter. It made me feel sick!!
Don't worry about the letters by the way, we went to the authorities (Though they didn't do much) and they eventually stopped -- I guess they got bored, because I didn't whine about it online? It didn't affect me too much, since I'm used to being stalked ... Which is a bad thing to be used to!!!
Point is, I guess that ex-friend reaching out in that sort of way made me realize what a monster people felt I was -- and who was I to deny them that perception? And it made me stop wallowing in self-pity and get things done in spite of myself.
If you want to tell me, you can. I don't mind. I am highly curious and nosey of course. But you know what they say about curiosity ₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎
Thank you for letting me ramble. ♡
