For me it wasn't really a single moment where it all became clear. Since I was in school I never really felt particularly attracted to girls, but I figured I was too young and that was just something that'd happen later. Same with TV characters, where I would often pass up the girls when they showed up like, in bikinis and stuff and would pay attention to the boys instead.

These were all things that happened subconsciously for the longest time without me really trying to think what they could mean. I come from a fairly religious family as well, so the idea of being gay simply was unthinkable. It wasn't something I was programmed to ever consider.

Then I started frequenting fandom forums online where people shared stories/headcanons, and I really found myself gravitating towards the yaoi stuff. The idea just felt nice. The stories felt compelling. I started to fantasize about them. You wouldn't believe the mental gymnastics I had to make to convince myself I was straight, but I did.

It wasn't until I made some good gay friends online that I actually put the pieces together and realized that many of the things I was going through, they were going through as well. Everything just made so much sense.

To an extent I kinda regret that it wasn't something I had the opportunity or tools to express or understand while younger. It was a long journey but at the end of the day I'm glad I made it there.