I have been reflecting in my journals on what my purpose is for years without really coming up with an answer. I once went through over 200 "core values" (the stuff that's usually for businesses) found online, reflecting on them one by one to pick whatever made sense to me, and came up with that thing, but it didn't really stick. Now it got to the point where the next time I feel ready to think deeply about my life, I'll ask myself why I can't find what really drives me. I'm really just going through the motions without having much hope in my future, and the best I can do is to forget both my past and future and act like everything is fine and my life makes some sense when it just doesn't.