thinks,,, we like to think that pandasal tatsumi's response after getting fucked up in reimei was to just repress any sort of sexual desire he might have had. he probably avoids that sort of thing like the plague and doesnt engage when its brought up. it shifts when he meets mayoi tho bc then that desire starts bubbling back up and hes so disgusted with himself for feeling that way but Repression is a Bitch so its just such a strong feeling that he cant help but ignore.

theres this one manga we like where a character goes "i dont hate having sex with you, i just hate myself after" and we think thats so him with mayoi... we think its fun to think abt him being simultaneously grossed out and incredibly into having sex with mayoi

AUHUHUGHUHGUH,,,, i feel like ive seen that first one before,,, ITS SO GOOD himeru noticing kanames tummy growing and learning that its tatsumis and still having to face that fucking guy everyday knowing he got his precious kaname pregnant.. if i were meru i would kill him Truly.

(this next bit is from dan hes the pandasal tatsumi ceo)
i like thinking abt tatsumis pain being the result of him never learning (or being taught) to process any of his problems or emotions in a healthy way, so all he knows is to repress them. and he's gotten really good at it! it was a lifelong issue for him, but we think it especially kicked his ass in highschool since what happened was kind of like in obbligato? where he was trying to change the system of things since there were rampant issues with bullying, maybe corruption in the admin, etc etc, and the end result was him earning the ire of so many people that he ended up getting gangraped for it </3.

as the son of the church of his local community his family has a reputation to uphold, so we like to think it ended up getting covered up, and his parents are very asian-core "get over it" type of people so :shrug: i think the closest thing tatsumi here ever had to a support system was kaname (who is alive and awake in this au btw, hes the music teacher at mayois school) but he ended up pushing him away after everything bc he was ashamed to be around him as someone so "dirty."

i like imagining the self harm thing as a kind of cycle for him. he probably accidentally cut himself one time and was like "wow...." then started doing it on purpose. his cycle is like "wow this is so sinful im never doing this again" --> "its all getting worse, everyone hates me i should DIE" --> mental breakdown --> self harm. i think if someone ever sees hes the type who'd just prefer they not be acknowledged at all lol (he'll still overthink them thinking hes terrible and horrible for doing that later tho)

transitioning to him liking mayoi bc she's seen him at his worst and still likes him. loves him even.. he probably thinks she's the closest he'll ever get to actually feeling the unconditional love of god. probably puts her on a pedestal as someone pure, perfect, angelic too. he knows what he's doing is wrong and will probably only hurt her in the long run, but the alternative is not having her in his life and theres no way hes ever going back to that - 🌱