Even the beginning of the new chapter is devastating, having Jake dress up and think about his previous life, how he's so used to the expectations and demands, the way he's still putting everybody else's opinions above his own. Also a side note, I love your descriptions of Jake, the details and subtleties. He really is ethereal - it's interesting how Jake only seems to think of himself like that when he's made up and dressed up like he was taught. Him seeing Heeseung reminds me a little of their wedding, but the comfortable closeness they share at this point of the story makes it so much better. Also as a Heeseung biased person, I'm in love with his dangly earrings and every time you mention them in your fics, I smile a little, just because. They really are so sweet together, the compliments shared, how Jake notices that being complimented is not something Heeseung's used to... and well, that's about where the soft things end.

Even in this conversation scene, where nothing "bad" has happened yet, Heeseung's hesitance towards the conference, how he's still trying to wiggle out of it, it already rubbed me wrong while I read it for the first time. And oh, especially on a re-read of the chapter, the "YOU are expected" hits so hard. It also hurts, literally gutwrenching kind of pain, because Heeseung knows. He knows, he's expecting that something will happen and still clings to that avoidance, the hope that nothing will actually go wrong and he can keep the all the bad stuff to himself. Knowing that Heeseung is withholding information on purpose right now, I feel for him, I definitely know where he's coming from, but god, was that a bad move.

I'm definitely coming back to Heeseung in this rant, but for now, the whole Lee family dynamic is really interesting. The way they're introduced in the earlier chapters makes them seem important, but the two most recent chapters kind of break that facade, from the intergenerational arguments to the way they're not actually as well-off as I expected them to be. Heeseung's behaviour already spoke of this in the beginning of the story (and honestly, so did Jake's fbi level of information gathering and how it brought absolutely nothing up), but these few chapters and learning that it's all mostly glitz and glam has been eye-opening. Heeseung's father is a really interesting character, especially because he really isn't just a bad father. I have to read the whole thing again asap to properly make my connections, but for now, Heeseung's father is someone trying to keep everything together, running smoothly, and there's no place for emotions in that equation. From what I've noticed, there's a very basic distinction between Heeseung and his dad, that being that Hee is mostly driven by his emotions while his father is much more logical? He has a business, he has a son that isn't meeting his expectations for that business and with the added pressure of new opportunities stemming from the deal, it's all too realistic that he'd snap at anybody and everybody and I like how you handled that particular situation. It would be all too easy to let Jake and everybody else write him off as evil business man and be done with it, let everyone just straight up bad-mouth him the second he's out of earshot. But Heeseung still tries to defend him, Jake is bothered by his behaviour, but he doesn't disrespect him. Jay who is frustrated is trying to talk sense into Heeseung who's too kind for his own good, but it's not a complete 180 from everyone the second Hee's father insults Jake. It's a difficult line to balance with an unlikable character and you're doing it like a pro. On that note, yet again, this is a re-read thing, but most of the things Heeseung's father says about Jake hit so much harder after seeing the end of chapter 8 and knowing the context behind them. For that same reason, I can't quite applaud Heeseung's brother for trying to "defend" Jake with the comment about being late. It seemed sweet at first, especially combined with his apology to Jake when it doesn't go the intended way, but considering Heeseung's brother most likely knows about everything, the "we’re only anticipated because of Jake" comment just rubs me wrong. There really are so many little hints sprikled in throughout the story and they don't seem out of place, Jake is the Songbird, but what we expected and what we got, it's so much worse.

There are the few little heartwarming details in the drive scene, like Jake working overtime to keep Heeseung's lips in one piece, Jay just being a great friend, the hand holding. But on top of that, yet again, Jake is thinking about the expectations, about the unknown, how he really is just out of the loop on everything. Jake's complete lack of support system over his entire life is sad, but especially so after the marriage. Really, the only person so far who's not holding back with him is Riki, but Riki can't be everywhere and just like you said in my last ask, all of the boys are aware what Jake was bought for, at some level. For the deal, the whole arrangement between the Lees and the Sims, I definitely thought it would be something much more personal at first, but knowing that the deal has been in place for generations makes so much more sense. Jake is definitely the more famous one between him and Heeseung and current time Lees would have little to bargain with in order to get the merger in place if that deal wasn't already there. On one side, it's sweet that they weren't just out for Jake specifically, but the other side is so much worse, knowing that Jake is actually just a bargaining chip for both the families, not just his own.

Lee Jaeyun ruined me, just as oiil's Jake Lee did. Just so you know.

The entire time I was reading this chapter, I was basically holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And oh boy, did it drop. The conference scene had me tense as hell all throughout and please, know that this is a compliment, it made me sick to my stomach. The blatant way everyone sees Jake as an object is so sad to witness. There's the badge, how he doesn't even get called by his own name. The strange looks, and even before shit hits the fan, all the unwanted touches, it's just awful. This is exactly the epitome of humanity seeing something untouched and needing to get their hands all over it. It's one thing for the "accidental touches" to be due to the crowded space, brushing shoulders with someone and so on, but people touching his lower back, it already made my skin crawl. Between all of this fun stuff, it's sweet to see Jake so dedicated to learn more about the trade, paying so much attention to the speakers and listening carefully so that he knows what Heeseung is passionate about. I genuinely do not know how to feel about Namjoon and Taehyung. It's mostly how the entire conversation with Jake feels so stilted, just very polite, careful. Obviously, this is the first time they've met, so just knowing each other's reputations would make an encounter awkward, but it just feels a little strange. It's a nice scene overall, Jake is excited, he's happy to meet them and obviously, they're happy to meet him too, but yet again, there's the layer of "they know something you don't know", which applies to both Jake and the readers, that adds a certain level of sadness to the whole conversation. Also Namjoon and Taehyung's reactions when Jake jokes about them being his suitors, just ouch.

Lo and behold, we get to The Scene(TM). Jake getting grabbed, knowing the whole story of his relationship with touch, how new it still is, that one act alone sets the whole atmosphere for this scene. The disregard for Jake's personal space, how the man is unwilling to let go of him and feeling him up even though they're in public. The punch in the gut kind of feeling I got when no one looked back at Jake, this scene felt like the climax of Jake being considered an object to the general public. There's been plenty of build-up to it, sometimes subtle, other times very obvious, and this moment, where there's dozens of people witnessing what's happening to Jake, the fact that not one of them other than Heeseung are willing to do anything about it is horrifying, especially with the sudden realization that comes to Jake. I just want to give that boy a warm blanket, some hot chocolate and hover protectively so that he can cry it out in peace. The most painful thing about this scene for me is Heeseung. He comes to Jake's rescue, he punches a guy in the face but maybe it's just me paying too much attention to a relatively small thing, but knowing that he shoves Jake away and lets him fall instead of making sure he's okay first, it hit hard. Then there's Jake who's left on the floor, dishevelled, hurt and confused and literally publically humiliated. Him running away, the only thought being that he needs a private place to throw up so he doesn't make himself look even worse, it's so sad. My chest hurt reading that scene. The part in the garden is just insane. Jake crying, Heeseung wanting to console him, I've been expecting the "Don't touch me" eventually, but knowing that it's coming took none of the impact away. Jake breaking down the second Heeseung obliges broke me too. What's even worse, he craves the comfort he's gotten used to over the past days, he wants to hold onto Heeseung and lean on him, then, on the way to the car, all the way till they're in front of Jake's cottage. He wants the comfort and there's Heeseung who wants to help, defending Jake to the conference guests, it's sweet, so sweet, but oh boy, is it incredibly painful when he admits he knew about everything all along. That whole conversation, the silent confirmation, knowing how much worse things could've been if Heeseung didn't join the negotiations (although for now, that's just the readers pov), Jake calling himself a whore. And how true it is that no matter how that situation was handled, there was no way to do it without some kind of fallout, some kind of trust breaking. Oh my boys, I can't wait for you two to be happy together, but there's so much work before that. Jake crying himself to sleep is a slap in the face kind of ending to the chapter and I couldn't imagine a better one for this situation. (Am I a sadistic evil being when this and the ending of ch. 3 of oiil were some of my favourite parts of your fics-)

This is way too long already, but I've been thinking about your Heeseung a lot lately and how incredibly well characterized he is. He's kind, sweet and caring and has a massive hero/self-sacrificial complex that seems to ruin his life on every turn. It's interesting to see how split he is between what he wants, his own desires and the need to do what is "good for everybody". It's Heeseung in oiil ready to give up his own happiness and trample all over his feelings for Jake when Sunghoon shows up, it's Heeseung in But no one's supposed to, where he fucks up massively and instead of having a proper conversation with Jake that highlights both his own fears and his concerns for Jake, he just runs away and proceeds to make peace with Jake never coming back to him. Heeseung in Take me inside, too wrapped up in the notion that no one can truly love him, so he just decides to run and bear the pain of his emotions, of his potential hunger, scared that Jake could "end up" like Sunoo. Santa Baby Hee, who is so in love with Jake (and in my opinion with Riki too) that he's willing to let them both go rather than see either of them hurt? And oh, I can't wait for the eventual confrontation in omfbt, because Heejake there are literally a five course angst meal. I just love your Heeseung, the man who is consistently willing to die for his lover, but is also too wrapped up in a strange kind of self-loathing to see that he's loved back the exact same way. Jake telling him he'd choose him again if he could only for Heeseung to not believe him, how he'll defend everybody around him because they have their reasons to be mad, but he won't stand for a single mistake on his own part. Forever bearing all the bad things and sheltering Jake from everything that could hurt him to keep him safe and happy while he's suffering in the background. I just can't wait for the moment it gets through his thick ass skull that he's loved and appreciated and that he deserves to be sad and angry, but that he can lean on others too. My thoughts are honestly incomprehensible at this point, but I just thought you should know that your Heeseung is so precious to me? Even if he's a complete idiot at times. Just for that, I'll be re-reading omfbt in the upcoming days, I miss that Hee. And the bomb-drop of a confession in chapter 7.

I feel rather unhinged during these rants (why are they getting longer, dear god-), but I need you to know that I appreciate you so much, Kas. Your fics give me something to look forward to, whether it's the weekly updates for July Flame or just the knowledge that something new is on the horizon, even if there isn't a specific release date. Your writing makes me so happy and I haven't been disappointed once, with any of your works I've read so far. So I hope you don't mind me just spilling out the entire contents of my brain here once in a while, but I'm just really happy you're here. I'm sorry you haven't been doing all that great lately, I sincerely hope that turns around asap, but until it does, just know that I'm cheering for you from my little ask box here <3
- 💫