i really wish i knew 😭 like i said it confounds me and the conclusions i’ve drawn left a bad taste in my mouth, like if no one debunks that it has even minimal to do with my being of a gf stan (manageable rlly. trust me. no seriously trust me) i will Kill Myself. but my current theory stands at attributing it to my tunnel vision for markren because what i digressed from that statement was even though i can stick renjun next to virtually everyone and scribble their names with hearts, i’m still very much faithful to markren. at the end of the day, every other ship is an excursion and i’ll find my way back to them and it’ll feel like home like no other

so there’s that and i just think there’s something about renjun in particular and his effortless compatibility with people that enthralls me. it’s intuitive the way i’m rooting for him to find love and be loved in and out of fiction. not to say i don’t feel the same for and i’m not rooting for mark, but it’s a brand of adulation i have almost exclusively for renjun

it’s all very visceral and superficially touches sound reason so i try not to mull over it too much. i know it’s not an isolated case though bc i can name a couple people who feel the same way and honestly it all comes down to feeling. that could possibly be your case too (except it’s with mark) like it’s just natural when it comes to him and not with renjun which is not abnormal nor reproachable in the least! it just so happens to be like that and maybe we don’t need a tangible reason for why that is at all. tbh i’ve come to terms with it (tho i know it’s not that serious 😭) but it gets dredged up every time a mark/member interaction blows up or is the most celebrated homosexual activity of the week and you can’t revel in it bc your brain is wired weirdly like holy shit let me in!!!! but most of the time i’m just like… eh. anyway. i’ve got bigger problems to fry

but yeah. i think that suffices it (altho suffices is kind of overselling it) i hope it answered ur question! if you wanna tell me your experience feel free to 🥺🩵