Sounds like you've given a lot of thought to these questions, so I suppose the only other question left to ask is: Do you feel you have supportive, healthy, and adequate outlets to discuss these topics?
I really appreciate your candid responses here, but I also recognize that random strangers on the internet may not be able to provide everything you need. You seem super awesome and cool, and I just want to make sure you feel you have enough people in your life who care about you the way you want to be cared about.