Mostly online ones, yea. I don't talk there much though cuz I don't really feel as comfy talking about my experiences since I'm still permaboymoding. But it's nice to hear different stories and experiences and relate to them to some extent! But there's def a difference between a "women + trans" space and a TRANS space & I feel way comfier with the latter. The latter doesn't make me feel that there's a "right" way to express my femme gender.
I've never encountered a "women + trans" space IRL, only online, and I wouldn't personally use one myself. I think that phrasing is based on the assumption that trans men aren't really men, so I wouldn't want to participate in a group like that. The ideal space for me would be one specifically for gay trans men (by which I mean Homosexual Gay, not Pansexual Gay), because I feel like I don't really relate to straight trans men very well, so a mixed trans group would probably not be that useful to me. In general I think I'm in favour of smaller, more focused/narrow groups, rather than larger catch-all groups.
I have not personally encountered a 'women + trans only' space in real life but I have heard about them and seen pictures of flyers, emails, etc. advertising them online. I would never access one because it clearly hasn't been created with someone like me in mind. I feel they are spaces of good intent and ignorance with a high risk of unintentional harm.
What does 'trans' mean in these spaces? Do they mean all AFAB people? If so, I find it insulting to be hypothetically included due to my genitals. Perhaps it's meant to be for nonbinary folks who were AFAB. In that case is it not wrong to insinuate they are always 'woman-aligned' by including them in 'women +' spaces? Or maybe it's all nonbinary folks regardless of genitals, expression... or all trans people anywhere on the spectrum. But would that not be unfair to women who want a space away from men, who may now be sharing a space with trans men? And does that language 'other' trans women who are women and not just trans?
I have an issue with ambiguous language like this because everyone can interpret it differently and it can lead to confusion and hurt and invalidation. Perhaps I do not like the insinuation that being trans means you are 'non-man' and thus qualified to share spaces with women and trans folks who need safe spaces.
I wouldn't feel comfortable in a space meant to be occupied by women, women-aligned, woman-adjacent, etc. folks. I don't belong. I would perhaps feel better in a temporary space meant for non-white trans masc people, because in spaces curated for the overarching trans community, I feel our experiences are vastly different because race impacts so many facets of our lives and changes how we interpret our trauma, our joy, our relationships, and how we express our trans identities.
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