i got both of your asks, so i’ll just paste the other here for reference since i’ll answer them both here

“(previous anon) also like... especially having an "established identity" y'know... i dunno... whatever!! i'm gonna look back at myself in 10 years and laugh at how dramatic i am, but for now i have a lot to learn and think and do. especially do. :,^) thank you for listening…”

i think i’ve mildly talked about my past internet history? but i don’t know how in depth i’ve gone, and that was long and long ago, but maybe it would help you to hear about my experiences since it sounds like you were in a similar situation i was in years ago...

this was really before proship/anti discourse was widely popularized in the terms they were. i was in a very weird sect of the mid 2000s internet where there was fanwank but not fanwank as it’s known today. when discussing it with friends, i think i unknowingly fell into a friend group that was predominantly fancop leaning. as teen through young adult you could have qualified me as an “anti”. i didn’t send people threats or harass them, i was just fucking obnoxious lol. the very stereotypical grandstanding about how i wasn’t some weird gooner who loved incest or lolishota online. the funny thing is that i was incredibly into drawing guro/violence, but isn’t that how it goes. super comfortable with guro and violence, but incest….yuck! (LAUGHING!!!!!)

i was mildly aware at times i liked “abnormal” things but, put it to the side. i remember watching gravity falls for the first time and thinking mabel/dipper were cute. i also really liked mabel/bill/dipper. and then just kind of buried that LOL…mob psycho was a big one too. covertly would look up reimob and ritmob art…this is what i mean when i say i was annoying. a lot of my issues with fiction were from all the stereotypical things. trauma, being a dumb teenager, being scared of sex, being insecure in myself, my sexuality and my gender…huuugely i was scared of sex because i did not realize i was experiencing dysphoria to be perceived as a girl in intimacy. a lot of things clicked into place when i realized i was male but that wouldn’t happen for a few more years. i could not be sincere with who i was so of course i could not be sincere with what i liked. or sincere with anyone! i was insecurity and raw nerves.

there was a time in my early 20s when i did realize that i did like these things but…what to do about it. by that time my friend circle i (at least presumed) was all people who staunchly hated these things. and this friend circle and way of thinking had been part of my life for years so i assumed well…this is it. and then a friend dmed me saying they had a secret ship they felt they couldn’t tell anyone. i asked what it was and it was a twincest ship. and that was the beginning of the end LOL, because i immediately thought “oh well you are my friend and i know you aren’t a bad person. so you are just my friend who likes twincest”

but…that still didn’t change much. i basically changed my mindset to “well i know these ships don’t make me a bad person but i can never air this out in public so i’ll just keep all of these worms in my head and then one day i’ll day” which is INCREDIBLY melodramatic but that was where my frame of mind was at. here lies peach, who went to his grave with his secrets (shipping age gap and incest). funnily enough, around this time, i started to realize a lot of my friends did actually have problematic ships and ship things and i reached out to them, so i started to form a sense of kinship since they were very surprised i was chill about that. but a lot more were very much not chill about it, and starting to get a way about it that made me very uncomfortable.

it’s worth noting that i did, over the years, try ways to reach out to other people and express myself. i had accounts where i changed my style, i had fic accounts…but they still weren’t the free places of creation. i felt anxiety about my style being recognized. my creating was still restricted by fear of judgment.

…and then one day, when i was trying to find any distraction from living in a hell hole apartment i could not escape even when sleeping on a couch, i watched jujutsu kaisen…and goyuu broke me LMAO. i just had such pure, adoration and love for them…i felt suffocated trying to hide art of them in another style. i realized i didn’t care what people thought of me anymore. i loved drawing and i loved drawing what made me happy and i didn’t want anyone else to stifle my creativity.

on my old art account i tried a controlled burn. posting the most tame, chaste goyuu art to quietly weed out people. but i realized it was stifling me to feel like i was fighting against a current and space i no longer liked, and it was an account formerly tied to when i briefly did art professionally for a living. sooooooo i deactivated my 5+ year twitter, instagram, my entire professional art web presence, and i went full ham here. to my surprise, a lot of old friends refound me. i never regretted it for a second. the pure JOY of drawing whatever i want, shipping whatever i want, and being surrounded by people and friends where there isn’t judgment.

you can take my advice with a grain of salt because i don’t know you, i am a complete stranger…i don’t know if these friends you’re referring to are irl friends, or online friends… but in order to have sincere friendships, you need to be sincere. if you’re cultivating a presence where people can’t tell if you’re a happy pervert, the happy perverts can’t find you. you have to be vulnerable! i simply don’t have friendships where people would judge me for my shipsbecause…i wouldn’t be able to maintain friendships with someone who would scrutinize my characters based on the toys i play pretend with on my playground. we just simply would not be compatible in a friendship. i’m a very low maintenance person when it comes to friendship but one of my ground rules is that i’m not friends with people who judge others for their taste in fiction or their kinks. that judgment usually comes from insecurity and feeling entitled to the business of other people, and people who are insecure in themselves in that way will try to make it someone else’s problem…no thank you!

from how you talk it sounds like you’re reaching a point where you’re realizing your values and what you want out a friendship may not be compatible with the friends you have…so maybe that’s worth introspection? even if these are people who don’t ship or engage with fiction in the way you do, are these people who can still embrace you and be your friend…and if they can’t, how are you going to make peace with that?

anyways this is all very longwinded but i’m a chatterbox so i assume that’s expected lol. i wasn’t openly a happy pervert and took me years to reach the comfort level i have now, but it was worth it. if i knew then what i knew now i would have probably made it happen sooner.

you’ll never regret being sincere. it doesn’t make it harder to make friends if you’re sincere, it only makes it harder for you to interact with the wrong people. even if you just make a burner account to engage with people-if you are sincere, people will find you. so many friends i made on an old burner are friends i still know and have even met irl or sent mail to.

all of this happened to me 6-7 years ago, and i can laugh about how dramatic i was now. i hope you can do the same someday too.

full disclaimer, i only attended kink clubs when i was single, and since i’ve been in an exclusive relationship i don’t feel a draw to go to them…but that’s because for me, going to a kink club was always a sexual activity with the intended purpose of cruising. even if i was learning things like impact play or shibari, it was also with the intent of scoping out hookups.

my boyfriend and i match each other’s freak in being aggressively horny and monogamous LOL. we had all of the long extensive talks about what we both wanted out of a relationship, what our hard lines drawn in the sand are. neither of us has anything we’d get out of going to a kink club together.
i got my hoots and hollers out for a year and then i was domesticated…well maybe not domesticated but now i’m only feral for one person. feral wifeguy 4 feral wifeguy.

but that doesn’t mean monogamous couples can’t attend kink clubs, i saw quite a few within my time attending them!
i know in some kink clubs they even designated different colored wristbands to signify whether you’re open to play with others, only playing with your partner or open to making friends but nothing else.

a good starting point would be talking with your partner to see what both of you want. are you monogamous but open to sexual activities with other people? are you also sexually exclusive but want to go specifically for a class/to learn more about a specific fetish or kink?

in the case of the latter, i would recommend making a fetlife account. if there’s any local kink clubs in your area, chances are they’ll post when there’s certain nights or themes or even educational/demonstrative classes. if you and your partner are monogamous and sexually exclusive that might be more of what you’re looking for, but these sorts of resources can also be found online too!! it really depends on what kink you’re looking to know/experience more.

but above all else…talk, talk talk!!! you can never over-talk what you want with your partner, especially when it comes to sex and kink and attending a kink club together. what are you comfortable with, what are your hard no’s, what do you want or not want out of being perceived (as a couple and individuals) by other people.
i think so many issues in relationships !!especially!! with kink and sex come from people not talking about these things thoroughly…it may be uncomfortable, it may feel weird to navigate, but it’s better to be upfront about what you like and at the worst, feel a little uncomfortable to reach greater understanding and avoid serious upset later. you won’t sound “mean” or be “no fun” for saying “i will never do [x] and i don’t want to see either of us doing [x].” you don’t need any reason behind not wanting to do something other than “i don’t want to do this.”

there’s really no wrong way, everyone has their different comfort levels…i have friends who are monogamous and only open to fooling around with other people if it's with their partner. i have friends who are monogamous but open and play separately. i have friends who are open and polyamorous. and then there’s people like me who are monogamous and exclusive. your experience will be unique to you and your partner but so long as you communicate and meet each other both ways you should be able to have fun together!!

awww thank you...this is really touching TT i try to balance talking about my daily/personal stuff to not clog anyone's feed, so it really does make me happy to know my little life updates can have a positive impact...if it offers more reassurance, i am friends with many lovely feminine trans men like me. we are out there and existing!!

it depends on what you mean by 'working adult life'? i assume you mean professional/career wise, but you can always specify if i'm off the mark. when it comes to being a feminine trans man and the workplace, i'm not "overall" out. at my previous workplace i was fortunate enough to be in an almost entirely queer environment. even my coworkers who weren't some flavor of queer themselves had a gay child, or queer friends. so i revealed this to them once i felt comfortable they were people i could entrust with this information.
i am by default usually not 'socially' out at work, or...general walking life, unless i am comfortable disclosing it. to me it has never been a pressing matter to pass all around. i went on hormones for a little over a year so i do have some tells that usually just make some people think "...what is this weird pretty thing??" in a way you'd view a bird. not malicious but sort of confused/intrigued lol.
i think it depends by and large on where you work. if i was in a more conservative setting i would probably have girlmoded more and never brought up my gender/etc/anything. it doesn't bother me to girlmode, it feels like bugs bunny wearing dresses...yes he's giving very girl, i sure am lmao.

so i guess my advice is ymmv? to me i always know the people i love and care about will know and understand, and if i have to hide my queerness in a workplace, that would not be me being any less authentic or true to myself. i think that would be important questions to ask yourself...are you the sort of person who can handle being in a job where you may have to girlmode, or is it a non-negotiable that you want to be out in your work environment/the former would trigger dysphoria or immense discomfort? neither of these are wrong answers since everyone has their own comfort levels. and you might not know what your comfort levels are until you step into multiple workplaces. IE i could girlmode at an office where not everyone would share the same views as me but like...i wouldn't be able to work at a church.

it's very scary but i think the more comfortably you get acquainted with yourself the more the answers will come with time. there was a huge period of my life where (I DO NOT THINK THIS ANYMORE) i used to think being a feminine trans man was dooming myself to a life where cishet people and other queer people would be doomed to misjudge me. i could no longer lie to myself about very much not being a girl but historically the way i carry myself has triggered other trans people since my dysphoria doesn't present itself in the same ways. it was very melodramatic lmao "yay i'm a feminine trans man and that means i'm doomed to be misunderstood and unloved <3"
anyways that is very much not the case. i've had a nice apartment with a chill cishet roommate for 3 years, lovely friends, different hats for different jobs i like wearing, and a boyfriend who never forgets to remind me what a pretty lovely boy he thinks i am.

if you have any other questions, you can always ask me! if something is tmi i would simply say i wouldn't be comfortable answering it but considering i've talked about my previous experience with kink clubs / sex and other tmi topics i am very hard to ruffle. but i do hope it helps to know that living as a queer adult and especially a feminine trans man is not a detriment and we do have very fulfilling and rich lives outside of work and in, too. :3

with juntoge - probably something classic horror or easy to wear. because junpei loves horror movies i think she'd get a bit excited, then ambitious, then overwhelmed and burnt out by her own ambition, and also realizing this is going to mean people perceiving her... things like that that don't phase inumaki because he would go along with whatever she said or whatever he thought was funny. so they might do an homage to more classic horror (sadako vs kayako, frankenstein, the invisible man, cabinet of dr caligari) ...something where they can dress up but junpei doesn't have to wear anything that would make her feel too self conscious or too visible.

choita:...i think yuji would find it fun to dress up with his friends. and says choso doesn't have to dress up, until 1. he realizes choso might creep people out if there's just this intense staring man following him and his friends and 2. choso says he'll agree to anything yuji wants. i don't know if they would be matching but i think yuji would try to choose something for choso that covers his intense stare LMAO...and then gives up when he realizes choso seems just as intense when he's in a faceless costume clenching his fists and standing there.

might as well do my other jjk ships now LOL

yutarika: i think it would be cute for rika to be 'visible' on halloween so people just think she's an elaborate puppet...i actually don't know if yuta would dress up. he might if inumaki or yuji coaxed him into it, but i think he'd have fun just seeing rika get attention.

hiita: in a modern au i think they'd be the couple where even when staying at home yuji would dress up...but in canon.....i think higuruma would feel weird. i think he's already very conscious that he's old enough to be yuji's dad and he would die inside if he was out with yuji and someone did mistake him for yuji's father. or he'd tell yuji "i'm dressed as a murderer...[wearing normal outfit] see?" some sort of dry self deprecating answer. he would fold immediately if yuji wanted him to but i don't think yuji would want to make him uncomfortable either, so their middle ground in canon may be a costume they only wear at homebase in each other's company. i do think higuruma would make a cute grim reaper so maybe yuji would be his angel lol.

oh so many things...when i first started jjk i had no idea who junpei was so her entire character took me by surprise. aside from my soft spot for characters who love movies i think it was just...everything about her and her story. her passion and escapism into violent horror movies as a balm over the loneliness and harassment she received in real life. feeling parentified in her relationship with nagi but also feeling like she has to shield her mom from what's happening to her at school. there was something innately queer about all of it. becoming a target of her classmates because she's the weird aloof classmate who likes movies. presumably she had friends in the movie club or at least people she was friendly with, which makes it all the more sad that they disbanded/left when they realized she was the target. wearing her dead mom's jacket when she goes to exact revenge on her high school bullies...her shikigami being moonjellies when the moon and ocean have very feminine themes. i feel junpei's arc is when gege really came into telling more of the story he wanted to tell instead of a typical shounen, and i think it was yuji's first heartbreak...junpei died, her mom died. no immediate family contacted them. no one cared enough to wonder where they were and accepted at face value that she "moved". sukuna laughed about the insignificance of a life he'd remember forever. so it's everything about junpei while she's alive and what haunts yuji after her death...heart breaking seeing the ghost of junpei's narrative pop up so much even towards the finale!!

it's going to sound really funny what my other secondary and tertiary ships are with junpei aside from juntoge...mahito/junpei and sukuna/junpei. with developing any ship dynamic i'm just prone to daydreaming? like if this was a show/movie, i try to imagine how it would play out. with juntoge it started as a joke in the sense of "lol i like both of them why not ship them / no but actually how would that work" ...with mahito and junpei i think canon is a good base. mahito is really like the older adult 'friend' junpei hangs out with and she says mahito is great and fine but she really doesn't have any solid answers for why mahito doesn't seem to have any friends aside from her, or any friends her own age..i think mahito/junpei is like a cat toying with a mouse and accidentally killing it.
sukuna/junpei was inspired by a one off comic i saw of sukuna bringing junpei back to life (after i finished its alive LOL) so...i think i can talk about this idea because the odds of me drawing it anytime soon are really low. i saw it being a one off doujin idea where like it's alive, sukuna brings junpei back to life, but junpei has some sort of dream connection with him. so every time she falls asleep and dreams sukuna toys with her until she wakes up. she never remembers any of this upon waking, only when she's dreaming. and sukuna, the "where are all the women and children" guy, starts forecefemming her and torturing her that way. very sadistic because junpei doesn't know how to react to this and how to separate her feelings from what sukuna is doing to her. she hates it and she feels horrible but something about it excites her. in waking life she starts to become more withdrawn, tired...yuji is worried. she seems even worse. i think this one could only have a bad end where when sukuna is bored the only mercy he grants is junpei dying in her sleep...it would be a bad end cherry on top of a bad end sundae. if mahito is the unaware abusive boyfriend sukuna is the intentional and calculated abusive boyfriend.

what i hope to see from fandom isn't...anything in specific? i love junpei love! i really love when people draw curse junpei and make her cute or like a little mascot..i'm a little skittish at times with seeking work outside of my own because i've had bad experiences in previous fandoms where some people who were fans of my work would cross lines and start imitating my art, and my personality, down to copying my profile layouts and exact photo headers...it soured my relationship with a lot of previous ships so i'm very protective of myself with what i have now. i don't want that to come off as snobby so much as...a skittish animal who will grab a few bites of food and then dart off. really, any love for junpei makes me happy.

thank you for the ask and nice words <3

this is not goofy at all ;-; juntoge are very dear to me so hearing they resonated with someone makes me really happy...i feel junpei is very used to being othered. she already thought the idea of someone seeing herself in an intimate setting would never happen so dealing with everything mahito did is like (in her mind) "...great." more baggage. even before she was a jujutsu sorcerer she didn't consider herself normal. but inumaki coming from a family of outlaws and his cursed speech makes him no stranger to an unconventional upbringing. so everything that happened with junpei doesn't change his view of her, just adds more perspective to some of her mannerisms...yeah, all these things happened to junpei. this is still the same junpei he always knew! that's that.

thank you for the sweet words <3 it's hard to say if i set out for my art to feel any sort of way since it's mostly > possessed by an idea > need to draw idea > it is drawn > yay!!! i drew it > possessed by an idea > repeat sjfhsk but. i like the phrase comfortable. it makes me really happy when people have said the way i approach ero art, the kink or taboo has made them feel comfortable. i guess if i had to put a vibe to it i like that my art has the feeling of an odd but nice stranger you would feel comfortable approaching.

YES!! VERY MUCH SO!! these are not ALL my favs but i’ve watched quite a few new movies this year so i can’t possibly list all the ones i liked >_<

liquid sky (1982): a movie about genderfuck aliens trying to study the human orgasm. oh and one of the alien’s bodies kills someone whenever they orgasm inside her. really funky synth beat, good 80’s fashion, also it’s a movie about sex and death and aliens so what more could u want!!

starship troopers (1997): this had a revival showing at a local theater, i saw it with my bf who loves it and playing helldivers 2, the game it was based off of (i only know about hd2 what i do from him…i’m not a gamer U_U) but this was really fun. good political satire that aged well LOL. glad i got the experience to see it for the first time in theaters!!

mishima: a life in four chapters (1985): movie that is a fictional account of yukio mishima. nationalist who was very much the definition of “killing myself to own the libs” and paul schrader does (imo) a really good and colorful dive into showing his life and descent into ego and madness.

sada (1998): a fictional account of sada abe, who became a celebrity in japan after strangling her lover. made by the same director who made hausu and has all of his trademark crazy collage effects.

solaris (1972): a psychologist goes to another planet to investigate mental problems, discovers the water on the planet brings out repressed obsessions. basically a look into how little you can know about the people you love, i love andrei tarkovsky’s work and this was rly rly good

honorable mentions you should also check out: merry christmas mr lawrence, penda’s fen, ganja & hess, mandy, talk to me, death in venice, who’s afraid of virginia woolf

thank you <3 i can be asked about juntoge anytime, i love them so much...hmmm as for dynamics off the top of my head...

this is a little cute/sad but i think junpei would become more conscientious of her self loathing habits around inumaki...she has very low periods where she thinks about the people she hurt at her old high school...she can't distinguish herself from a bad person when she Is the bad person, in her mind. contrasted with inumaki who we're given enough information about to infer that one of the reasons why he's in such control of his cursed speech and so considerate around other people is because he may have accidentally hurt someone he loved when he had less control as a child.

i don't think inumaki would say anything? it's in his nature to impose his feelings on others. but i think when junpei found out more about him she'd feel embarrassed/foolish/horrible etc... "oh my god i've spilled my guts about how much of an awful person i feel like i am for hurting people to...the guy who has hurt people. does he think i think he's a monster. does he think i'm judging him. does-" <- extreme spiraling LOL

it'd teach her to be conscientious in the sense of maybe these are thoughts inumaki has had to deal with about himself, even if they're not exactly the same scenarios...if inumaki loves her so much, there must be something about her worth loving. and so on.