so this isn't something i'm super read-up on, but i don't think the concept of romance was invented for these reasons -- if we mean romance in the sense of wanting to find someone to spend your life with and spend happy moments with. that has been something that women have sought and found in each other, even, for a long time. that's not inherently heteropatriarchal. romance as an INDUSTRY, romance as something with certain beats and milestones that need to be met -- that was though, for sure. so i think it depends how it's being done and by whom.

like i'm not going to tell women what to read, but i do think the romance genre definitely falls under this. even if it's under the guise of fantasy, there's still a whole subculture of women reinforcing heterosexual norms to each other. the subject of interest and desire is heterosexual relationships that follow heterosexual expectations. i feel mostly the same about m/f shipping, but i can admit there's some more possibility for more there.

i genuinely believe that gay shipping is something very different. i know we joke about it but i do actually believe that fujoshi culture is a form of feminist sisterhood. you have an entire subculture that overcomes geographical and language barriers that's made up of women creating for each other and celebrating each other's creations. in f/f, it's entirely woman-focused. and sure, in m/m, there's men being focused on, but women have removed themselves from the pool of romance options for them, effectively opting out of fictional heterosexuality.

also, importantly -- shipping isn't always about romance! or at least not the happy end kind! quite a few ships out there have shippers who see it as stuff like doomed relationships or exes (or could-have-beens) who will never get back together. i think that's definitely more complicated than the romance that gets peddled to women.

i'm not going to go into how m/m or f/f can ~subvert~ typical hetero tropes because i think that's probably exhausted by now lol, but basically, imo, i get what you're saying but a) "wanting to think about relationships between two people" is universal and deeper than Romance-the-gimmick, and b) fandom shipping in particular creates woman-centric spaces that purposely turn away from hetero romance.

that said, i think if it's feeling like this for YOU, it might be good to step back from the shipping aspect! maybe you want to focus on the familial or platonic relationships in the media you're into, and those matter too! (i may be a shipper but i love those other relationships in the background and giving thought to them!)