I look out into an endless city of strangers. I hear nothing but echoing white noise and I feel numb. Every day is just as empty as the last. Begone the stars, as they fade from the light pollution. Becoming insignificant. Are they still there? Does it even matter when we can’t see them anymore?
I look up into the desolate sky and I internally scream out. The only time I allow myself to stop. Of course, the Moon never answers. I feel the autumn dusk and sometimes I wonder if the breeze reaches you. I wonder if you hear me over the white noise. I wonder if you feel cold. I wonder if you close your eyes the way I do when in a sea of strangers. Are you still there? Does it even matter when you don’t love me, Dad?

Haha… I don’t think any of you cheaters fully grasp that cheating wasn’t just you finding someone beautiful/handsome, smart, funny, and fascinating. That was just attraction; what you had with your current partner is something real. This wasn’t even in the same dimension as any of that, of what is now, to me, “the usual stuff.”.

What it was is this:
For a fleeting instant, you were feeling something you’d never felt before. Something so rare that you feel you could have gone through several lifetimes and yet never experienced For a fleeting instant, without you even knowing or trying, that brief attraction made you touch the universe.

And? Is that fleeting attraction enough to hurt someone who loves you wholeheartedly? It is terrible to know that they gave their heart and unconditional love to someone who abused their trust and took their love for granted. And it is equally terrible to know that they will never know if things would have been different had they met you earlier and made you fall madly in love before you met the person you cheated them on with.

Pertama lihat Bibianne pas Bibi masih jadi bagian dari circle Erstwhile, salah satu manusia unik yang gak ada duanya. Sering ketawa sendiri kalau lihat respon dan interaksinya yang aneh-aneh itu.

Bibianne is someone who will sit late at night with you at the kitchen table, binge on snacks, and listen to good music. She is someone who will spontaneously say, “Get up; our cars are gross; let’s go clean them. Now.” and she somehow winds up making you do yard work because it has to get done and it’s better to do it together. Someone who can make the most of a trip to the grocery store because being an adult and doing adult things is only miserable for miserable people. She’s a happy person all around. She will remind you that life doesn’t have to be miserable. Life is not miserable. Life is what it is.

1. Zyrk & Tamie: mereka dulu ngadmin berdua tahun 2017, lalu ada member sok tau yang menawarkan diri untuk bantu ngadmin, eh diterima, and the three of us has been inseparable since then.
2. Angie: dikenalin Zyrk karena dulu Zyrk naksir berat hahaha. Makin dekat lagi karena sempat suka hal yang sama dan buat project di tahun 2019, makin banyak ngobrol juga dan jadi sedekat sekarang.
3. Astrid: karena pernah ada di project yang sama juga, Angie yang ajak dia masuk di project itu (2021 ya kalau gak salah?). Benar-benar gak pernah expect bisa sedekat ini sama Astrid karena dulu selalu mikir our personality clashed—because of how similar we are—but look at us now.

Karena sudah kenal luar dalam, secara in-character maupun sebagai penulis dengan mereka berempat, I’m immensely comfortable being around them.

Mantan jadian sama teman sendiri gak masalah sih, we dated because I know they’re a great person, justru malah bagus karena jadi gak terlalu khawatir teman sendiri akan memulai hubungan dengan orang yang gak tau gimana sifatnya.

Kalau untuk jadian sama temannya mantan, selama sang mantan gak masalah then I’m also okay. I may be okay with my ex but he/she might not be okay with me. Gak mau memaksa dia untuk menerima keadaan yang dia gak suka, jadi kalaupun ada kesempatan dekat sama temannya mantan, Nic akan meminta tolong orangnya untuk memastikan ke temannya dulu apakah dia mau menerima hubungan ini. Karena, kalau kami sedang bertengkar pasti dia akan kembali ke temannya, kan? Temannya sudah ada lebih lama dan lebih kenal dia jauh sebelum dia kenal Nic, so it’ll be better to keep your friend rather than keeping me.

First impression jujur gak begitu ingat karena kita gak banyak ngobrol di agensi anu, akhir tahun 2018. Jadi dibanyakin current opinion-nya aja, ya?

Have you ever met someone who is just so genuine and different from anyone you’ve ever met before? Someone whose worldview leaves you feeling shaken to the core, and you find yourself wanting to be better because of them? And it isn’t really even a crush, but you can’t help but think they're beautiful because their soul is beautiful, and you want the world for them because they deserve it. This happens to me when I look at Ms. Naradilla Kiara Shailendra. To think something as simple as a few conversations with someone could ever have such a profound impact on anyone’s life. It sounds crazy, but that’s what she does. She also cares so much. She makes those around her feel at home. She makes them feel loved and important. She’s quick to befriend others, despite their mistakes.

That one time this person fed off my vulnerability, they lied, and lied, and lied. They know it hurts me but still do it anyway, then proceeded to say, “It hurts me that I hurt you.”

Being the stupid ‘bucin’ that I am, I was at war with myself. I hate them, and then I love them still, and then I decide I never want to see them again, only to then beg the universe to see them one more time. How much I miss them, how much I still love them. And I wish I’d heard the same, but I don't.

I was told that I was always begging for their attention and that I was embarrassing them for trying to defend them in front of people who talk sh*t about them.

They cheated on me, they said, “Nothing to worry about; they’re too crazy to handle. I knew from day 1 they’re wild, have crazy attitudes, are super jealous, and just high maintenance all around.” But they do FaceTime each other naked and do stuff, and got together just a few days after we broke up.

Ultimately, I know loving them would do much more harm than good; there’s a reason we’re not together anymore. They hurt me in ways I’ve never been hurt before, so even if they still cared for me, I’d always be struggling with the thought of whether or not the bad outweighs the good.

Crazy to think all this happened just last month.