complex. i use to act like my sense of self has been crafted in allegiance with my supposed social deficits, so i got attached to my loneliness. letting go of that to actually be close to the people i love means abandoning a way i held myself together, which is painful but deeply necessary. i still struggle to be sympathetic to the version of me ive been at my loneliest and most antisocial cuz that person sucked, but i do not this that person sucked cuz of some kind of deficit that was fixed. i found a more or less coherent way of dealing the social world in front of me which left me feeling bad but being functional, which worked until it didn't, and served me usefully until it didn't. i don't want to be so attached to that way of surviving any more.

on the bathroom object: love them when they don't give me terrible headaches, any kind of vasodilator (baths, alcohol, viagra lol) is a migraine trigger for me; on the musician: i fell in love all over again with romaplasm this autumn and that was such a joy, it is the perfect album to be in giddy love to; on bath, the place (i will never get used to England in the 'state' position i would always just put UK. weird fidgety annoyance with usually Americans writing UK place names): it is a bizarre city that i take trains through very regularly so im reminded of its architectural weirdness all the time. beautifully picturesque setting, magnificent stonework, absolutely dead inside. Bristol makes much better use of all that bath stone, we have a local vernacular style where they use shale or cobble for walls and finish details, cornices and important facades with bath limestone. it's called Bristol Byzantine, it's very odd and Orientalist but very distinctive. im a big fan of seeing it around my home so much.

gooootta be violet, but esp with vesna in tow. i know she is going to be one of many truly evil creatures along the way but none are as sharply working in the same muck. astra is a minor deity, arby 1 is a major deity, norn isn't even a villain. violet is looking at spreadsheets and negotiating contracts, she is shipping personnel and guns and vegetables. she is making the world move to her will in the most mundane ways possible and it is according to the most evil, violent, grotesque logic it could possibly be performed. vesna is that will made manifest, and also her top. 'tcatgirl chaser esoteric nazi' is so unbelievably majestic as a swing i have to respect it. anyone can think up a superhero, writing violet requires rare conviction.