Ah im like. struggling a little bit with this. i will take your observation as it is and try to respond... its true that i kind of only care about my own take, but i think many ppl are like this.. many people who make things? i was set free when you learn how to talk about what i like and dont like, and why.. so you can like compare it to other people and have a conversation that way. to avoid the type of conversation that is like "i think this sucks" and have one more like "this is not for me, because..."
as for the connection, its not really that i dont want to connect with other people. its that i have a tremendous difficulty with it... and i want to change, i need to learn to connect with other people more, to survive. to be honest though, i dont really know how to change and i dont know how or why im failing to connect with chat. probably for the same or similar reasons that im failing in the first place, i am unable to evaluate this from my own perspective.
i could be wrong too but, i feel like a lot of people just do stream for like,. smalltalk? i dont know how im supposed to get deepr with people. am i supposed to talk more about my feelings or ask about others feelings? i find feelings are difficult to talk about, as they are to convey with art. so that could be part of the reason..;; i have to wonder also, if you came to other streams? or maybe just one recently.. were you here for a while, thinking that what i was doing seemed pointless?
i do want to connect with people... i want to collaborate with other streamers when i can, but i find planning really difficult and feel like i have little to offer as an entertainer. but it is fun for me to stream anyway, even if i cant do it for long, or its just some small talk. its just a little bit of a hangout. like, in real life i have friends that i cherish really dearly but i have to make an effort to see them, i have to go against my nature which is rotting away indoors doing nothing and talking to no one. when i think about how i made many of my friends online, it was through other friends or sometimes through a fandom, when i was posting a lot. i dont post much anymore bc its just a different environment, and im not active in any fandoms. so maybe you feel like there is no proper avenue to get to know me, which may be true. but to be honest, i also did make a friend through streaming, so that is possible to happen, if we are like, on the same wavelength enough... like i feel like everything for me happens super slowly. because i cant plan and im always fighting against this urge inside to isolate. and like, im being really honest with you right now by saying as much,
i feel like i suck at streaming, which is most likely true,
but i really like getting to use a virtual avatar, and being able to talk to people online,
about things that i could never talk to anyone irl about, because my interests are too obscure. like it ,,, its really good for me to be abel to do that.
i also like to help people if i can, in the case of art streams, and id like to help with whatever i know or just let people know if they liked my art and wanted to know about my process at all.
its possible that i will never improve.