ahh thank you for your message. i think this is something similar to like, being able to see two perspectives at once. i can understand many behaviors through the emotional landscape that creates them, people who externalize their emotions, because i internalize my own. i direct everything inwards and avoid contact, where a lot of people seek it out. i understand the needs and wants that lead to the seeking completely, but because i stay internal, nothing happens. this is related to feeling no sense of agency in my own life. for many reasons, it came to pass that i felt nothing i could do would ever change anything in my life and i would be completely at whoever or whatevers whims. i cant assert myself, i can barely understand myself as a person in the same way that people around me are people. i can barely integrate my understanding of myself into the world, let alone make decisions asserting anything. does this make sense? in the way that i have completely gone inside, mentally, and dived down as deep as possible into there. and tried to fill my needs and wants from inside, futilely. all the emotions of others who have interacted me become understandable like this. like im making an effort as much as possibel to understand them bc my everyday is a state of perpetual confusion and bewilderment with being human and needing to interact with others. like complete alienation. also in the sense that, the fujoshi needs to understand the emotions of the seme and the uke to weave a yarn. to play both roles. if one is missing, the work feels hollow. if you spend a lot of time fantasizing, you can just understand so many emotional reactions people might have. its like only when i have time to fantasize that i understand. and even then, my understanding is a fake one that comes from within, i cant truly understand anyone elses feelings, but at the same time, i have this sense when i am doing well that i am one with the world, i am within everyone and everything around me, and i belong here.