i dont know.. i guess there are some red flags for me.. ill preface this by mentioning that im an extremely private and solitary person by most standards. so on the rare occasion i became close to someone, it was different every time. but people who are really intense right off the bat are a red flag for me. sometimes you can be passionate with another otaku, this isnt what im talking about. more like when they share a lot abt themselves, prompting youto share, showering you with praise and affection... sending super long ass messages about feelings and stuff. at first it feels really good to get attention, but they always have some ulterior motive behind this. you can be vulnerable to this when youre lonely and feeling misunderstood, whcih is sometimes me. but everytime i talked to a person like this it ended in disaster. related to that is people who are really sensitive or taking random shit personally or needing reassurance all the time. it stresses me out and makes me think i should be doing the same with them, which i dont wan tto do. so it becomes, as said in japan, mendokusai and id rather be alone type of situation. so a degree of emotional distance for quite some time is needed before we can really become friends, and 100% of the time its forged in the fires of fandom for something, becasue we are revealing a lot of ourselves and being vulnerable, but also playing, and also not being about ourselves or each other, so its safe. friendships are important to me but i wouldnt say theyre important to the world that much, the world wants you to place lovers and family above friends, and most people follow this closely. my freindships are important to me. but i rarely talk to my friends directly at the same time. its a situation where we could hang out anytime with no problems. but as with all relationships, i am passive. its hard to make friends everywhere but id say the bar you have to clear as a foreigner in japan is higher than what i experienced in the US by far. but i didnt have many friends in the US, either. the only friendships I have are online.