(This contains spoilers for my Chanlix fic 'I Saw This Really Cute Guy at the Grocery Store the Other Day')

Hello again! Honestly, you're very real for saying that you initially started the fic because of the smut tags lol. Extremely relatable.

As I was writing and posting the fic, a lot of people in the comments were also speculating that Chan was more aware than he let on, so you definitely aren't alone on that. In the planning stages, I did consider having a big twist of Chan secretly being a stalker himself, but I decided against it because it felt so obvious as a twist, you know? My way of subverting expectations to make the story more unique and interesting was to make Chan, the victim, be an abuser rather than someone to feel too sorry for. I didn't really intend to set up a false plot twist like that lol. The 'signs' of Chan knowing more were either intended to be abuser red flags that Felix fails to pick up on, or Felix misunderstanding/not comprehending things properly due to his semi-delusional state (like the fact that he actually trashed Chan's living room way worse than he remembers, for example). Most of Chan's weird behavior is justified under the light of simply being attempts for control over Felix, like seeing how far he can push his boundaries (the steak), or just 'smaller' acts of abuse (pinching Felix to force him to talk about his traumatic parents' deaths). Most abusive relationships tend to start with these smaller, somewhat justifiable acts that are often overlooked by the victim and others. Since the fic is from Felix's pov, I think his nonchalant attitude towards a lot of Chan's doings kinda made some aspects seem smaller or less wrong to readers. No one has ever mentioned the pinching, for example, but I actually intended that to be foreshadowing for Chan's escalating violence to come in the next chapter.

Ngl there is a little more than a bit of myself in Felix, but I'd rather not go into detail lol. Felix is pretty detached and cold to others in general, but when he's in love/obsessed with someone, he exhibits more of an anxious attachment style. All of his problems stem directly from his traumatic childhood and adolescence. Another thing that I think was glossed over by readers is that Felix seems to have addiction issues with both alcohol and sex. The hints toward alcoholism are tagged but subtle because his mind actually becomes so filled with Chan that he begins to neglect everything else, including his work, which he has a passion for. I think the sex addiction is more debatable, but even Felix admits to himself that it's probably excessive. There is also a mention of using spit for lube, and Felix grimaces because it reminds him of his teenage years - ofc this is up to interpretation, but it could allude to painful, possibly less-than-consensual encounters. Basically, Felix has loads of trauma that he doesn't even fully recognize, which in turn makes him more susceptible to being a victim of domestic abuse.

Sorry for going on and on, but I'm really glad you shared your thoughts with me!! Thank you, and I wish you the best too! 💙