☆ · 27d
Hii, Ate Chin! Ranting lang, sorry na agad if naging ranting place 'tong retro mo, huhu. I wanna stay as anon kasi, but at the same time, have someone to talk to.
I don't have the need to make myself(irl self) known that it's screaming like, "it's me who has THAT problem" to people I know.
I just feel disappointed, enough to feel like crying po. It isn't a competition, but the rankings and the winnings just get to my head, is all.
Let's call them A, B and C. All of us did our best for the event, and we know that to ourselves too. It's just, B keeps winning/having a place in all of the events that it feels like A and C are getting overshadowed. Not really, I think. It's more of the fact that B can do it, and A and C can't compare when it comes to people's perspective/thoughts about our overall divisions.
Division A and C are proud of B, yes. Because they are a part of it, but I can't help but feel bitter kasi parang kine-carry ni B 'yung division ni A and C, na parang our efforts didn't matter. And the one time we won, there was no special awarding and it feels downing lang tlga, Ate Chin :(
And maybe, i'm also jealous about how division A and B was blessed with a tight-knitted bond agad, and here I am with my division C. We don't have any group pics as a documentation on what we did. I feel like a bad person comparing my division C to A and B, but we don't feel like a team, you know? We are supposed to be a team pero I don't feel it po. No sense or vibes ng camaraderie katulad ng kay A and B, especially kay B po. Parang wala akong maipapakita na picture na sinasabing "eto 'yung pinagdaanan namin as a group. We've come so far." I feel like our efforts and pagod for the past months wasn't worth it, enough to be recognized that we did our bestest effort as the division C.
I feel bad for thinking that when all they did was show how they've come so far, and how grateful they were in their post but I just can't help the bitter feeling :(
Sorry again for rant, Ate. But if you're okay with it po, any thoughts?
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well, I just wanna say, and I say this to everyone na nag ra-rant sakin, but whatever you're feeling is valid, don't ever think na hindi kase you're just a being, you feel. It's valid kasi it is true na you guys were a team yet you feel left out, they bond well samantalang Ikaw, you're just there and that's now how it's supposed to be. feeling that way isn't wrong, accepting that you're feeling that way is not wrong either. just go on, damdamin mo muna.
I don't know you personally to come into a conclusion as to why this a and b got closed that fast and you didn't, all I know is whatever this is that is happening, it gets to you because it's serious, it's something personal and I guess it gives me quite an idea of what kind of a person you are. you care.
about the winnings/rankings, again, I don't know you, so as a and b. but them (b) winning or placing on these events all three of you participated and did well to, is impressive of them, syempre di ko sya kinakampihan, because to people that don't know what's happening b is impressive that way. but again, you know that it's okay to feel disappointed, to yourself or to whatever you're feeling disappointed at, kung feeling mo mas deserve mo o ni a yung award, that's ok! kung feeling mo may mali, that's ok too. that's not being ambitious or how other people address it kase Ikaw mismo sa sarili mo ang may alam nyan, kung sinasabi mo lang ba yon out of contempt or you're actually feeling that way.
all in all, anon, just let it all go. if you feel like crying, do so. ilabas mo lang lahat, it's ok to not be ok nga daw diba. if this is not what you wanted to hear orwhat you wanted me to say sorry na agad HAHAHAHAHA but yeah, it'll be ok.
