i also believe in lovey dovey cartman! not just cause of his established obsession with kyle but because he's already been shown to be lovey dovey with his other partners (heidi, yentl...) but i think EXACTLY because it is kyle that it wouldn't be just limited to over the top affection (or else the relationship wouldn't work on the long term).
the thing with cartman imo is that he deeply believes himself to be unloveable and so when he finds someone that's willing to give him a chance, he represses himself/his personality so as to present himself as someone worth loving. with kyle, well, kyle has already seen the worst of it. he can't fool kyle, kyle knows the real cartman. so in a way i think that would work to their advantage. there's no need for pretending from either side. they can be simultaneously loving and honest to each other. and truly, i don't think they're capable of holding back the genuine irritation they draw out of the other, it's part of the attraction hahah

damn i never thought about that before....i'm a firm believer that kyle can't quite enjoy cartman changing unless he's the one providing/participating in said change so what i imagine is that kyle would've initially been cool with this new cartman but progressively he would've gotten bored and started theorizing that cartman is just pretending and hasn't actually changed. just waiting for cartman to screw up so he can point out how much of a phony he was. you know, just usual kyle stuff.
you know what would be a fun alternative though? if kyle got to be the one disciplining him, like going tsst! at him and watching cartman grovel in submission. i think kyle would enjoy effortlessly making cartman behave which again goes back to my idea that kyle wants to be part of any progress in cartman's self or it's a bust

If we're talking about ship fantasies I think it'd be amazing to get a third timeskip where the main cast is reuniting once again. Kyle comes out of the car with two children, one is a brunette, the other a ginger. Hugs Stan, Kenny, and they catch up. When they're doing a toast for their new lives, Cartman walks in, bringing a couple of bags with him. Kyle berates him for being late and Cartman replies that he was buying something for the party. They start arguing and everyone is caught between rolling their eyes and laughing that their dynamic remains unchanged despite the years. Suddenly, Cartman leans in towards Kyle and you hear a smooch off screen, complete with the shocked reactions of the cast and the kids audible disgust. Suddenly Kyle looks at the time and say they gotta go because they have an urgent engagement, Cartman grumbles but accepts to leave the food with everyone. As the Kyman family rush out of the door, Stan and Kenny gaze at each other in shock. 'Did they just- "Stan starts, only to be cut off by the FINAL SOUTH PARK CREDITS. This will never happen it's just funny to imagine the show joking with the idea KYMAN CANON until the very end.

But if you mean realistic stuff then I unironically think an absolutely godtier ending for me would be Kyle killing Cartman. The show ending with Cartman feels poetic and fitting to me and Kyle's life wrapping up with his death, too...
Another option that I think would be sweet as hell would be something akin to the Stand By Me ending lol...I just want the main 4 to stick together...

i agree! i don't think butters is just his lackey. it certainly started like that but their relationship has definitely evolved over time. there will always be a power dynamics component i think, mainly from cartman's side (however we saw him pleading to butters in s20 to stop being so mean about heidi lol) but i think there's more camaraderie between them than in the early days where cartman wanted to humiliate butters or used fear to make him obey. it might also be because cartman has changed and butters too, he's definitely less innocent than back then.
and yeah omg i can see it, i definitely think they text a lot and butters would be the first person cartman told about his crush on kyle. i'm 100% convinced of it. if there's anyone that knows cartman's dirty little secrets it's butters because, for some reason, his well-meaning nature tends to make cartman believe that his confidences are safe. also because probably no one would believe butters since they consider him an idiot haha. i can also imagine them having sleepovers often where they gossip like little idiots over pizza and marathon shitty movies
while butters has been known to side against cartman, i DO believe that cartman himself doesn't see butters as a danger. in most cases anyway. kyle even went to cartman in wieners out to essentially ask him to talk to butters so the idea that cartman is the one that can subdue butters is a general perception. butters is definitely a wildcard though but the important part here is that cartman finds him mostly harmless so yeah i'd agree he feels safe with him
i love buttman too...i think they both kind of have a crush on each other they don't really acknowledge...

this is a nuanced subject imo because i don't think it can be a straight yes or no. i think kyle did believe he liked her, and he probably developed a crush on her eventually, but i don't think he took the time to examine WHY he had these feelings or where did they come from. because, and i dont think this should be a controversial take, nowhere did we see kyle interested in heidi BEFORE she started going out with cartman. i don't remember them having a meaningful interaction between them in all 20 seasons of south park before heiman but suddenly she becomes of interest when she gets involved with cartman.
to me, kyle saw in heidi 2 things:
1. a person he could relate to: someone who despite everything keeps showing cartman compassion and thinks he could eventually change. therefore, she was someone he could bond with. 'in a way, we're all going out with cartman...'
2. a damsel in distress, a victim waiting for her knight in shining armor and what is kyle if not a willful martyr with a hero complex? heidi was an opportunity for kyle to do what he does best: help those in need
like that, feelings started to be had in kyle's head, but not without the influence of his relationship with cartman. this is all happening in relation to the complex dynamic he holds with cartman. kyle wants to be the good to cartman's bad. he wants to help a girl whom he can simultaneously project on and become a savior of. and i'm not saying this like, kyle is a monster or whatever...i just think he's gone through a Lot and this was him trying to cope somehow.

mm I think Kyle would be a bit at disadvantage in the sense that he could not lose his temper as he usually does with Cartman. If he throws hands at Erica then he'd be seen as evil, no matter what Erica has done, because she's a girl. So Kyle's personality would have to be slightly less snappy for the dynamic to work. I think a good reference is Haruhi and Kyon from Haruhi Suzumiya, except this Kyon is angrier hahaha. When I rewatched the anime I kept thinking they were het Kyman.
From Cartman's side I think her attraction would be more obvious because (heteronormativity) it's more socially acceptable for a girl to like a guy than for a guy to like a guy, duh. So her teasing would be less confusing.....to everyone else, of course. For Kyle she's still an obnoxious girl that likes to ruin his day and he has no idea why.
so yeah I think their dynamic might mellow out a little because of gender/society lol but that's what's interesting about putting Kyman in different dimensions! The core stays the same but some outer components are changed

an idea I've had for the longest time is that cartman moves away from the town for reasons (liane found a better job someplace else, a bigger house, better prospects for Eric, etc). Kyle is initially incredibly psyched about it, thinking that his life will finally be peaceful, joyful even, without having to deal with cartman's schemes and such. and at first, it really is great for him, he wakes up happy everyday, full of energy and enthusiasm. his grades go up, maybe girls are paying more attention to him, hanging with Stan and Kenny has never been more fun.......but then...weeks go by and everything is the same. everything is static. it's like he's stuck in a loop. there's no surprises, nothing that makes his days different from each other. everything goes right but that's it. it's predictable and it's boring and it's actually making Kyle start to lose his goddamn mind
so after a lot of pondering and existential crisis he decides.........to get cartman back. and at first because he's an emotionally constipated son of a bitch he convinces himself it's for the town because people are starting to become aware of how monotone their lives actually are. so, being kyle broflovski, he's trying to be the hero
but then when he tries to convince cartman, turns out cartman is doing well on his own and isn't really interested in coming back. he's made new friends, he's seemingly well-adjusted (mayhaps he has a crush and it's going well?). he's even started to conclude that this is for the best and it makes Kyle so angry, so fucking angry that this guy is one upping his self righteousness that...he blurts it then and there. he confesses the truth: it's not about the town, it's about Kyle. he needs cartman. he hates not having someone to fight with, someone that makes him lose his temper. but most of all he hates not feeling genuine fun anymore. he wants cartman back not for a cause, but because he's selfish and misses his frenemy. and that honesty catches cartman off guard, as he lets himself be dragged by Kyle back home. the moment they're back in South Park they start arguing again except now, for the very first time, they both know they're enjoying it.
so essentially this would be like a counter part to smug alert (and maybe even a nod to post covid with cartman becoming a better person when he leaves sp) with Kyle having the realization this time. I need it badly

2 moments!!
the first one was watching smug alert as a kid. i hated Cartman up to that point. always getting on Kyle's case, always trying to hurt him or kill him. hated that guy. so the reveal that he didn't actually hate Kyle but enjoyed his company hit me like a cold bucket of water...the dramatic lighting when Cartman saves Kyle, I remember thinking 'oh shit, this is serious'. and then his little smile after getting Kyle back and resuming their regular dynamic...I was a kid, I didn't do shipping...but it did something to me for sure...something I would later in life understand...
the second one was a few years back and what dragged me back into the fandom. I was tired of seeing people online rag on South Park (lol) so I picked a random ep to confirm I still loved the show. Fate had it be 'It's a jersey thing' and I was reminded of how funny I found Cartman and Kyle's dynamic. But when Kyle turned into Kyley-B (against his will) to save Cartman, I felt a cold chill down my spine. I was like oh no, oh no I can't be doing this now....but then fucking Cartman had to pinch Kyle's cheek and call him his little monster and it was sealed for me. I felt the call of OTP

oh shitt uhm uhmmmmm uhhh jk i actually replied a tweet about this recently?? .....behold, my top 5 kyman episodes EVER

1. wieners out: seeing kyle in utter shock over cartman and heidi's relationship changed me rabbi cartman voice it really changed me for the better. i thought kyle would be celebrating that cartman was off his hands or whatever yet instead he was appalled, speechless. instead of trying to be glad that cartman found some solace after what his friends did to him, he tried to call for the old cartman to return. truly a milestone in kyman history
2. smug alert: cartman progressively realizing that his life is not better without kyle but WORSE. cartman going to insane lengths to get kyle back, to save him from death because he needs him. cartman finally understanding that he loves having kyle around even though he's unable to express it to the guy in question. the inherent emotional constipation in his affection for kyle...poetic cinema
3. it's a jersey thing: first things first as a teen i loved watching jersey shore, it was such a fucking garbage fire show. so just the premise was good enough in itself but then they had to make it fucking gay with kyle saving cartman from sexual assault (can you see a pattern in my choices) and cartman calling him his little monster?? i will refrain from calling them slurs but bear in mind i am thinking about it
4. post covid: hope the specials count as episodes cause this actually ended up. fully remember standing there all sweaty and smiling like an idiot because trey managed to make kyman even more brutally compelling than i thought it was ever possibly. showing us the boys in their 50s, cartman having undergone a full transformation and thriving with his jewish faith while kyle is a total loser that still thinks cartman's world revolves around him...post covid kyman you will ALWAYS be famous
5. tonsil trouble: this one's such a fucking classic and may i point out that its one of the few episodes without b plot??? kyman's conundrum is the whole story in this episode. what a banger to start season 12 with. the underlying joke that everyone thinks theyre couple because they both have aids is so fucking fantastic and i've rewatched kyle beating the everloving out of cartman more times than i can safely admit. everytime this episode is on tv i sit back and get ready to enjoy one of the greatest moments in american television

hard question.....in my heart i think it would have to come from kyle because he's the one who would be most reluctant to the idea of cartman and him being in a relationship. considering cartman has toyed with the idea for his own benefit (tonsil trouble/cartman finds love) i think any resistance, if at all, would be easy to overcome. but kyle, kyle, kyle.........he would have an existential crisis over it. just the idea of realizing he has feelings for cartman would put his world upside down. he might need therapy for that alone. but acting on those feelings???? that's a whole other ballpark
so the world needs to push him to it, imo. a situation where both of their lives are endangered would make him snap out of his denial because he doesnt want to die without having lived his truth (being in love with cartman). alternatively, cartman's life being in danger also would be good because it would dawn on kyle so hard, that he doesnt want to exist without his fatass. that he wants to be with him, that cartman completes him and the threat of cartman being gone is setting off the alarms in his brain
jealousy is also a good one to make the possessive beast in kyle react...i think generally anything that poses a threat to his coexistence with cartman could be an effective trigger for kyle to finally want to claim cartman for himself
im doing the equivalence of kyle confessing = kyman dating because, again, i really think he has the upper hand when it comes to an eventual relationship...and i dont think there'd be a big gap between proclaiming his love and getting together. kyle is gonna take SO LONG to shout his feelings. but when he does then hes gonna assume the consequences, even if its the last thing he does. cartman is something kyle has never fucked around about.

omg 😳 yandere kyle anon found me! i don’t wanna disappoint but i take my weeb shit super seriously so i’m gonna get technical real quick: a yandere is a sweet and loving person that turns violent and murderous over their love interest.
now, do i agree with kyle being able to commit violence and murder? yes indeed. the end of obesity just showed us that.
do i think kyle would commit these acts for cartman? if pushed enough, he would, i have no doubt. kyle is fucking feral
but do i find kyle to be a sweet and loving person? well…i do think he’s capable of sweetness…and being loving…but they are not the first things that come to my mind when i think of him you know?
i can absolutely imagine him killing someone for cartman but i don’t think he would do it with heart eyes or an infatuated smile. i think kyle possesses a grounded type of violence. that’s not to say he is not violent, just that in his mind it’s rational and justified rather than unhinged and manic. it’s definitely a matter of perception though! but i think it’s important to take in consideration haha
tldr: i definitely think kyle would go far for love, just not in the way of an archetypal yandere