hi bwue!!

I've talked about craigman a little here:
https://retrospring.net/@shortkingkenny/a/111259398637500498
but I'll elaborate because my thoughts have changed and expanded!

I don't see Craig and Cartman having a relationship at all. it's a purely sexual arrangement and a short lived one at that. it's intense and entirely on Craig's terms, but Cartman likes to believe it's on his.

Craig is a sexual obsession for Cartman. not the same kind or as delusional as the one he has with Kyle, but rather one born of envy. Craig has a lot of what Cartman wants or already believes he has but isn't acknowledged for. he's well-liked socially despite being an unpleasant dick. his family isn't doing great financially but not to the point of mockery like Cartman and his mom. he's friends with the richest kid in school, the class comedian, and also Clyde, whereas Cartman is stuck with who are arguably a bunch of outcasts. he's weird in a way Cartman thinks should make him an outcast too, but somehow it doesn't.

most importantly though, not only is Craig comfortable and open about his sexuality, he's accepted for it and I think if Cartman and his fat naked cupid headmate were to ever figure themselves out, he would be met with ridicule over it, which is a product of his own doing but nonetheless.

so basically Craig pisses him off and he wants to fuck him about it. he can humiliate Kyle to scratch that itch with him but he can't humiliate Craig. what can he do? rip on him for being gay? in his yaoi loving town? no.

and while I still agree with what I said before, that Craig likes guys a little off their rockers with big personalities he can disappear beside, I think with Cartman specifically there's the added bonus of putting a guy who never learned to shut the fuck up in his place. their "dates" amount to little more than Craig checking them into a seedy motel and fucking Cartman into a useless puddle because neither of them want to be seen together in this way. maybe they order a pizza and chat a bit. despite everything, Craig does find him funny and charming. he's got a nice butt. that's about it.

they're just not right for each other as a couple. it's not that Craig can't handle Cartman—he loves Tweek after all, who has his own set of challenges—it's that Cartman doesn't have much to offer Craig to make it worth the struggle. meanwhile Craig is too apathetic to challenge Cartman in the way he craves. they're both romantic people who love love, but Cartman wants grand sweeping gestures people write songs about, and Craig wants communication and understanding that Cartman wouldn't grant.

but the sex is great!