hi sammmmm!!!

my ideal kyman date for them? I'm pretty simple. I like them going out for a nice meal, something they've planned for in advance. Kyle's hopeful heart is out of step with his logical mind. he tells himself tonight will be different. they'll go out, eat, have a few glasses of wine maybe, go home and have sex, brush their teeth and go to bed.

but that never happens because he's dating Cartman and Cartman always finds a way to turn a simple dinner into a catastrophe. they have a loud argument at the table (Kyle gets hard about it) or Cartman organizes some elaborate and obnoxious romantic gesture (Kyle does not get hard about it) which turns into a loud argument at the table (Kyle DOES get hard about it). OR Cartman starts having a loud argument with the couple at the table beside them because they told him to shut the fuck up, and Kyle jumps in because nobody yells at his man except for him (Kyle gets hard about it).

so they drive home, and Kyle's got this begrudging boner the whole time and Cartman's like, "wasn't that great, babe? why don't we do that more often?" while Kyle's white knuckling the steering wheel.

then they have really insane sex involving props. they don't go to bed until like 3 because Cartman insists they doordash something after. Kyle forgets to brush his teeth, wakes up three hours later for work still pissed off and horny.