So the entire bit is that despite his intelligence he's acting like an immature teenager, so I had to actually make him talk like a shitty toxic teenager specifically.

So for each bubble (each given with a very literal translation) and then how I rephrased it:
-"Lmao big talk from someone with 0 kills" -> "Zero kills and zero bitches lmao"
-The garbage weapon is pretty direct, I just inserted "tier" bc 'garbage tier' sounds better to my ear
-"To the asshole who's spawn-camping, hurry up and [BLEEP]" - > "Hey, spawn-camping asshole! How about you go [BLEEP]" [literally what he says is 芋ってる, which is slang that means spawn-camping]
-"Your playing at amateur commander is boring, shut the fuck up scrub" -> "nobody asked you to backseat, you dumb fucking NPC!" [he uses a slang term for someone gives unsolicited advice in a video game, hence backseating. I changed it to "fucking NPC" because he says "scrub" a lot and I wanted it to not get so repetitive, lol.]
-"Pleaaaaaase go home, shitty scrubs, lmao" [as in "stop playing this game"] -> "Please fucking uninstall after this game, lmao"
-"Scrub lmao" -> "Scrub lmao"