hiiii marcie i love your videos <3 as for your question, i had to think back a bit, i considered this to just be stated as canon outright? the ep 8 manga, and one of eva's lines in ep 7 tea party at least from what i remember heavily implies it, but i guess it is just that; heavily implied. either way i've always considered this to just be straight up canon :') and yeah it makes me want to tear my hair out (/positive) it perfectly shows how self sacrifical eva can be for the ones she loves, not talking about something so deeply traumatizing to anyone (not even therapists, just in case) because she cannot risk it being spread and ange finding out. instead she just writes it in her diary, to keep herself not only somewhat sane, but to keep herself remembering, as she likely began to forget what happened due to trauma (i think the manga at least implies this?). obviously, although she cared for ange, her grief (and from what i remember, her illness as well) eventually overtook her and twisted all of that into something horrid </3