Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It took me some time to get through all of this, but I did want to address your thoughts as directly as I could. I’m sorry that haters have made it hard for you to enjoy one of your hobbies, it really is unfortunate that people need to be embarrassed of their interests and kind of act like this.

“Have comments affected you to the point of not wanting to read one manga or another from the same author?”

I’m used to seeing people be incredibly Loud and Wrong about my favorite media, so I suppose I’ve built up a tolerance. For example, one of my favorite manga is Harada’s Nii-Chan (which definitely gets that “Not Like OTHER shota yaoiz” treatment), which I was so shocked by the kinds of comments people were posting in a kind of “did we even read the same story???” That I wrote a blog post to share my thoughts.

I do tend to avoid popular media, not necessarily on purpose but more because I kind of know my interests and my tastes and I don’t really feel like going out of my way to check out something for the sake of popularity unless I am sufficiently convinced, either by friend or fanart or a good review. If said media has a Toxic and annoying fandom, I’m also more likely to ignore it, but it depends like I said if I can get a good word in.

This is a bit easier for me because as you know, I’m a pretty Problematic(tm) artist who likes reading and creating the Evil power difference Rapey tropes and fictions that these guys are sooo afraid of, and it’s laughable to me that they are so hateful and scared of—what? Something that comes out of my pen? That comes easily out of my huge horny brain? I’ve spent the past few years pretty much carving out my own space in terms of my friendships and audience, after kind of separating more from those more anti, “BL-critical” tiresome spaces, and it’s great to be able to feel relaxed online and be able to trust people around me won’t be acting insecure like that.

I empathize with people who have frustrations with finding media that they like that suits their tastes–even for myself, I don’t really like most commercial BL, or movies or books for that matter, or even lots of common/popular “problematic” tropes that circulate a lot. But also I don’t make it everyone’s problem.

Tips for Handling Frustration:

I get annoyed a lot, and I do understand the frustration and urge to argue and fight when faced with inflammatory comments like the ones that you shared. Hell, I used to get some anon sending such inflammatory comments and tweets DIRECTLY to my inbox for several months, saying all sorts of things. It feels bad to hear such insulting things, and of course the human impulse is to want to defend yourself or talk shit back to them. Hell, even when I was writing this, i was on twitter and saw some really annoying comments on a post and got mad about it, but then I decided to do my strategy… of. Taking a breather. Closing the tab, and looking at something else (in fact, I’m supposed to be writing a paper right now haha, I don’t have time for this drama…)

Ultimately, I think it’s good to have perspective. there’s always going to be endless amounts of people commenting saying the most Wack Stuff Ever, on twitter, in yaoi comments, on facebook, in real life. If you try to fight one person, even if you “defeat” them (and what would a “defeat” even look like? Sending a Sick Burn? Them deleting their account? What would feel Victorious?”), there will just be more losers to argue with forever and ever and ever. To me, that’s a real waste of short human life that I could be using to be fujoshing out. It’s different of course, if the person you’re arguing with is a friend or someone you have an actual, real relationship with, but if it’s complete strangers commenting… they’re just randos who are Loud and Wrong and goofy. So if I see it, I guess I just kind of… process it as Social and Cultural data, I guess, and try not to pay attention to it.

I think it’s a natural feeling to want to defend yourself, or defend a piece of media you like from someone being really mean and unfair. But unless it’s something like an accusation directly being aimed at you, I feel like it’s not worth it to engage directly and get your hands dirty there, since the end result won’t be something of value to you. Would you respect these people’s opinions in real life? I respect them as human beings, but even as a fellow human, I’m not obligated to give their thoughts my time. It’s easier said than done to say something like “Just Ignore the Comments”but it really is vital and necessary to mental wellbeing, and if other people’s random opinions are having such an affect on you, it’s a good idea to maybe take a step back for your own mental health.
And I guess it’s necessary not just to ignore such people, but do the opposite—actively seek out people who ARE lovers of works, who are positive. If you find someone writing a good review of a series you like, give them a comment with your thoughts. There’s this therapy concept of defining what you can and what you can’t control … you cannot control what other people’s opinions are, you can’t control what they comment, but you do have control over what you choose to engage with, and you shouldn’t feel bad to STOP reading things that are upsetting to you.

For example, When I had my annoying retrospring anon, they would snd me lots of inflammatory comments and tweets, and for a while I tried to archive them as “proof” to address later or something, but honestly it just made me feel bad, so I deleted them all, and I’ve lived so lightly since.

I would also suggest, if you don’t do it already, finding a creative outlet. It doesn’t have to be drawing or writing fiction, but it can be writing short reviews, making lists of something you like, organizing and categorizing them. Some people I know who get tired of more western-style discourse are motivated to learn Japanese, so they can read manga directly. If you can’t find an analysis of a story that you like, try and write one up of your own—make a blog, or a zine, and share it with others if you feel comfortable with it. I think finding that kind of outlet is important, because it can channel energy into making something that has a definite end or finish point rather than engaging in something that will always be endless, like fighting against the waves. If you invest a certain amount of time into doing something like making a drawing, or making a list/spreadsheet of favorite works, or writing a review, or researching more info about your favorite authors by the end of the time you will have an End Result you can be happy with.

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I do want to address briefly some other comments you made earlier, about moe/bishoujo/girl and erogedepictions—I actually do think like you said that eroge enjoyers are definitely a lot more relaxed and less stressful, but yeah because a work is heterosexual, there’s a lot less pressure for it to “represent” queer experiences or be “fair” etc in the same way, since people already kind of view it as “degeneracy.” I will say there ARE plenty of women who criticize and have criticized hentai and anime/manga sexualization and depiction of women and girls over the years, there is QUITE a lot of discussion and discourse about it from feminist circles, and a lot of condemnation of loli/lolicon otaku culture that has an obsession with feminine characters and cute designs but who make works with misogynist plots or assumptions etc. It’s another side of the discussion, i think. There are even discussions about yuri and how there are women who aren’t as into the moe-style of various yuris, even if the stories themselves are mature.

However, I do think you’re right in that such criticism tends to come more from “outside” the culture, and those who are enthusiastically reading the eroge generally are not dissing it. I think for BL because it is a “dirty” genre, too queer and non-het for mainstream, too “unrealistic” for Good Gay Representation, too feminine and “woman”-tainted for certain Gay Men…it’s a paradox of being highly successful and commercialized, but also constantly disdained or spoken of in terms of embarrassment. However, in a way I think that freak outsider status is what gives it room to be a bit more indulgent in its “embarrassing” aspects more than other genres, which is something I really like about it, even if I find a lot of it Very corny.