Not a question but I just want to see what you think of my thoughts

Nikolai’s one true fear is loosing control everything he does is to be able to control himself and finally be free yet why is he so attached to Fyodor?
The same man whose ability is to take over others bodies taking away not just their lives but ability to control their own body.

He’s like a puppet master one that pulls the strings of not just the body he possesses currently but also Nikolai’s heart. Nikolai hates it yet cant help but be enamoured by him he cant help but feel so attached to him even when he believed Fyodor was gone for good he couldn’t let go of his feelings.

Why is he so relieved when he sees that he lived? Why does a spark light up in his heart for a man that controls others and him?