Nameless Grub · 21d

Thanks for introducing me to the word anhedonia. My body and soul and brain and heart have felt as if they're made of stone for most of my life. There are memories of brief flashes of laughter and comfort but my inner most self has always felt like a strange kind of unmoving fullness. I still feel emotions but it's mostly the painful ones. I do aspire to feel the brightness of your writing and feel real love eventually. Idk thanks a lot.

i really feel that. anhedonia has been one of my biggest problems my whole life. if it's never safe to have emotions, the body trains itself out of them. isolation can do the same thing. lack of exposure to the thing that “awakens” you.
i hate that numbness so much–to not even be able to feel sadness is the worst. i’m grateful for pain if it’s the kind where the feeling can pass through and be wrestled with. it took a lot of time and experience to figure out what makes me feel things and i’m still working on it forever.

i hope you find the things/ways of moving that help. love is real and worth fighting toward <3

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