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⭐ serious weakness faq
https://xrafstar.monster/blog/serious-weakness-aftermath
⭐ selected letters + archive will be placed here
https://xrafstar.monster/codex/me/letters
512
when i was a younger kid (10-13) my dad would take me out on late night 4 hour drives during which i would stare out the window into the darkness. i got a tingling sensation of anticipation staring out into the dark, like the universe was going to reveal some big secret, play it like a special card. the thrill of this would give me an erection and chills/goosebumps all over my body, and in retrospect i wondered if the big secret was revealed to me after all in the form of learning how to mastrabate. this hyperspecific moment in my psychosexual development is what a lot of your works bring me back too, and i jus wanted to say thanks for the cosmic wonder boner nostalgia.
perhaps a stupid question as i don't know or understand anything about music or sounds but i was wondering how you did the speech sounds in maggot therapy... the discordant droningness is like what i hear in my head when i think of trying to give my characters voices lol
not stupid at all. maggot therapy uses a similar technique as SUNSHOWERS--it plays sounds when they talk, at a rate of 1 sound per x characters. but it wildly varies the pitch beyond what is usually seen in games that use this technique--and uses sounds not normally used for that purpose. together, this creates the eerie reverberation...
so in gamemaker terms:
random_pitch = choose(-0.1,-0.2,-0.3,-0.4,-0.5,-0.6,-0.7,-0.8,0.1,0.2,0.3,0.4,0.5,0.6,0.7,0.8) // every sound has a random pitch
audio_sound_pitch(our_sound, 1 + random_pitch); // we add it to the baseline pitch of 1, making it lower or higher
audio_play_sound(our_sound,0,0); // sound is played, and might overlap with the other sounds as this script repeatedly fires during dialog
in rpgmaker, it requires no code. just use one of several message plugins that play dialog sounds, like Yanfly's Extended Message Pack 1 for MV or KC_TextSounds for MZ, and make the pitch variance (and pan variance if desired) as big as you can, and disable sounds resetting after dialog.
basically, whatever you're working in, find a way to rapidly shift pitch, and use the right sound, and you're good! thanks for enjoying the voices, it was one of my favorite things :)
We've talked about the connection between "Your Mother Has Fallen Out of Love with You" and S3 of "Cunt Toward Enemy" (a youth being put in a box by a father figure, symbolic or literal), but I only just realised that the narrator of "protection from gravity" also talks about putting his abuse-object in a suitcase when going places. Just wondering if there are any deeper connections here. Also, we need more stories about boys getting boxed.
I had a dream last night that borrowed a lot of themes from your work and also had a character in it who was you! You were giving me constructive but extremely brisk feedback on a story I'd written which was like space imperial torture set in a Mario Odyssey subarea. I looked down at your legs and you had a layer of stubby feathers coming in like you had recently moulted. I was staying at my old music teacher's house and he kept interrupting to make us listen to his shitty Logic beats and offer excessive sympathy for whatever must have happened to make our stories "so sad". You realised you didn't have to be there and left. Old teacher had some sourdough garlic bread in his kitchen which he had explicitly told me he was saving but I gifted it to you in the doorway on a savage impulse of justice because your time had been wasted by this strange situation.
Old teacher came into the kitchen and tried to kill me for my ingratitude and appropriation of the bread, he had a knife but I stabbed him pre-emptively with such force that he could not even complete 1 stab of me only deliver an agonisingly slow shallow wound as the strength went out of his arm. His house was on the top floor of a shopping centre and I escaped to the lower levels.
I thought that I should probably call my current music teacher, who is nice and helps me a lot, then realised that my phone was still in the house and I didn't know if 2-3 gut stabs with a short blade was enough to bleed out from after 20 or so minutes or if he would still be alive and planning my death. I thought of luring someone who could go into the house first and get lurched at in the dark while I retrieved my phone. I found someone sweet who I went to school with but the dream deleted her. Then I was back on the silent threshold of the house with one light deep inside, not knowing if the guy was waiting for me and feeling like my life had to be over regardless but I still really wanted to call my other teacher. My wound hurt a lot for a shallow wound. Thanks for the textures!
what a wonderfully described dream...you capture the feeling of dream violence / emotions so well.
space imperial torture, stories "so sad", savage impulse of justice, fuck i do like garlic bread, thank you! could not even complete 1 stab of me...dream deleted her...
i love it! 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 5 stars nightmaren approved! ✌️
Not sure if this has been asked before but are you okay with people writing fanfic about your works? Just wanted to make sure
played and loved sunshowers! will you ever revisit these characters again? even if it's just in a sort piece of work! i love them both so dearly and i need to see more of them!
thank you so much <333 i don't plan on revisiting them HOWEVER their DNA is in existing and future characters and i consider it all to be part of the same bug clone vat slurry. so the spirit the rhyme the echo will live on in a form that cannot be sued by Denny's Corporation. there's a bit of Cancer, a bit of Rubicon, a bit of my unfinished dark fantasy brothers story. as they say, the wheels of incest turn slowly, but grind exceedingly fine. so happy to hear your love, have a nice day! 🙏✨
there is A question b u r n i n g within my diaphragm such that my lungs smell like sulfur the likes of which krakatoa could not produce. how do you pronounce oenone
i feel weirdly represented by cancer prize being a coprophile. in my times being a sex freak online it always has seemed like poop is this forbidden frontier. like all other "gross" body fluids are fine to get horny about but poop is just, quietly ignored or sliced off into an alt account or questionable sites bc even these alleged no limit sex freaks can't handle Looking at coprophilia let alone being into it. anyways. thanks for the poop !! 💩✨️
yeah its funny how people who wanna have a radical edgy sex identity can be squeamish about bodily waste. menstruation too! it gets to their deep personal hangups, and symbolizes loss of status. that's why people are so vocal about making sure everyone knows they aren't gross. and that's why disease/deformity/filth is so fun to write, and makes for effective horror. it has to be personal, invasive, and most of all, real. agonizing digestive issues or mindbreaking periods are part of people's history, and the taboo denies that history, burying it with all the other embarrassing childhood stuff. it goes back to ancient religion and governance, the pan-global stricture where menstruators had to isolate themselves, and faggots were associated directly with the intestines/"a foul smell". The Hindu feeding of cow urine and dung to the sodomite (an exciting cross-reference with the Tahmuras myth retold in Perfect Tense: Maggot Therapy, where the hero fists the ur-sodomite Ahriman and his arm is rotted by anal contact, until a cow urinates on it and heals him), or the Arda Viraf’s snake that enters the anus “like a beam, went in and came forth out of the mouth…This is the soul of that wicked man, who, in the world, committed sodomy, and allowed a man to come on his body; now the soul suffers so severe a punishment.” And who can forget Fernando de Alva Ixtlilxochitl’s account from Mesoamerica: “the one who functioned as a woman, who was tied to a post, they removed the entrails through the lower parts”, or the Nahua definition: “SODOMITE, CATAMITE. Corruption, perverted, excrement, dog excrement, feces, infamous, corrupt, vicious, mocker, scoffer, provoker, repugnant, loathsome. He fills people's noses with the smell of excrement. Effeminate. He passes himself off as a woman.” there is something egalitarian about the intestines, a fecal faggotry transcending front genitalia, accessible to everyone. so the androgyny of sodomy appeals to my fluid worlds.
anyways, thank you! I love when people chew on my art at the freakiest, tapeworm level. Cancer is my baby. and there is something charming about it…there are many stories with him that don’t involve shit, but it’s a good turd of damocles to keep the normies in line. got some good ones on the way, hope you’ll enjoy them! eat shit…and live! ✨️
named my friend's Lovense toy Insul your work is a great inspiration to us xoxo
do you get to kiss brother in sunshower [importan!t]
sunshowers runs very laggy on my computer :-[ is there something i can do to mitigate that? never had this problem w/an rpgmaker game before
Have you played any games by Parun (Heisei Pistol Show/Re:Kinder)? it seems like something very in line with ur work, big hallucinogenic nightmare stock asset wonderlands with emotionally tormented effete boys and horror movie schlock gore and meditations on love. Has a similar essence in terms of how they write about tragedy, I feel like there's a quality of "abuse hyperreality" in their art as in yours of like, some terrible event(s) cycling through your head over and over and distorting into something different, like, becoming cartoonish or dreamlike but still horribly texturally real, and infecting ur fantasies and the world around u. something like that.
I have played these! I didn't finish them because I was dealing with some shit at the time but I appreciated them a lot. stock asset wonderlands...tormented effete boys...abuse hyperreality...I like that. rest in peace parun ;;
pEoPlE jUsT nEeD tO hAnG iN tHeRe In ToUgH tImEs SoCiEtY iSnT tO bLaMe YoUrE tHe PrObLeM
have you heard of neospring (the retrospring offshoot)? might be a good replacement inbox once this one is finally sunsetted
i just finished angelbride after long anticipation, and i am absolutely delighted. the little choices were a great touch, i'm a huge fan of the more pious options. i'm feeling all sorts of ways about it and i want to make more people read it
have you ever read kami no kodomo by nishioka kyoudai? i just remembered it and then thought of you,(there is feces and guts, perversion, violence against children, violence by children, and so on,)
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