One last post. Apologies that I went back on that word, but this is the very last one.

I’d like to say that Norton and I are friends again. There’s a lot we’ve talked about, and we’re growing together continuously. I debated making this post for a long time because I do not want to weaponize my friendship with her or make it seem as though I use her for self gratification; Norton is dear to me and I’m so glad she has taken a chance on me again! Being able to get to know her all over again and learn on this journey with her is amazing.

My point isn’t expressing that my victim has forgiven me and therefore am absolved of any wrongdoings I’ve done [I was never a groomer or shotacon in the first place, so…], but rather that I WAS wrong, and I did do hurtful and wrong things, but that doesn’t change the fact that change and growth is something we are all capable of!

If possible, I’d like to be made in contact with the owner of Tumblr.com/Shotakoa, so they can update that blog with this if anything. But I also understand that for many I am not deserving of such. That’s okay. I just wanted to let this be made clear in some way, in public, while I work away at my rentries.

I still don’t want to be in the public eye again, especially not any time soon. I’m not joining public spaces either. However, I’m not as paranoid as I was when I made that first post.

Thank you to everyone who read it and reads this one. I will continue healing, and I’ll continue moving forward. May you all do the same.

Hi. Since I’m back “online”, I thought I’d say a last couple of things.

Really, I’m not ‘back online’ at all, nor am I trying to “rebrand”, as apparently people have been claiming. I’m not trying to have a presence on SNS at all. I’m not making any more public accounts, I was going to delete my Tumblrs but I have some things I’d like to keep archiving, so once I can finally archive those, they’ll be gone [Mainly graphics, plus I think MOGAI archival is very important and I want to keep my terms somewhere safe]. No one should have any worry that I’ll ‘come back’ in any capacity, because I’m not interested in content creation or SNS at the moment. I’m only making rentries because I’d like to keep my URLs and making graphics is still a hobby.

As for anything previously on this account — I saved everything I needed to save. I also saved what Norton told me, so that I can remember it and think about it [ A lot more, but proof ]. Deleting it isn’t an attempt to cover up anything I’ve done or run away, it was simply because I’m no longer the same person I was when I started this account two years ago.

The last eight months, I have been thinking deeply on the sort of person I am and how I have affected those who once knew me and currently know me. I fully admit I was manipulative, neglectful, self—centered, rash, ill—tempered, and two—faced. I fully admit I mistreated Norton while he(? Apologies, I don’t keep up) was age—regressed. I don’t have an excuse for that, and never did. I won’t say I groomed him, after many conversations with my therapist and showing her directly what Norton has said, because that would’ve required planning, secrecy (Many people daily saw the mistreatment—even abuse—I put him through), awareness and time I did not have. We had a six month gap in our friendship due to events in January 2023, and even then I had a curfew of nine p.m., his age regression wasn’t something I could’ve planned or incited due to it being because he integrated with a different alter, and more, but I’m not here to talk about what I’ve discussed in therapy. Norton's free to think of my abuse however he’d like, that’s not my decision to make, I was simply clarifying this.

I’d like to apologize to Reona here too. I had falsely claimed that she had spread dangerous pictures of me. It’s important to note that I fully believed she did when I had said it. I did not learn the truth until police were called to my house and they had gone through my device. I apologize for the stress I caused Reona due to my paranoia.
As for the one who actually spread it; I wasn’t going to press legal action even if I could, and you shouldn’t worry about your parents being aware of anything you’ve done. You’ve broken my trust, but that was my fault for being so naïve. I’m sorry you had to be involved with me. I hope you’re happy, lemon.

While I was gone, I had gotten a crush confession. It seems stupid to mention, but I want to respond as they seemed to hope for one. To them: This is a firm rejection. You had hoped to be friends, but that isn’t possible. I’m sorry, and I hope you’re healthy — I’d speak to a professional about the reasons why you crush on people, since it’d only put you in danger.

If anyone wanted to speak for any reason, I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I’m putting a hard foot down on any sort of communication or building a community. To past and ex friends, thank you for the memories. To past and ex members of any community I was part of, thank you for helping me grow my skills. Thank you to everyone who taught me a lesson.

Finally, I’d like to give back to the community a little bit. I made a playlist — Zhebelev’s Day In RecoveryLand — with the purpose of sharing songs that helped me learn something / I had previously gatekept. I’ve been thinking of adding a list of manga I previously gatekept (The theme on Engagekiss is “Until Your Sword Breaks”) but that will take quite a while. I am going to make a rentry with a list of both of these things. They’ll be on my more popular URLs, so I won’t need to announce them or anything. I know I’ve turned over a new leaf and I don’t need anyone to believe me.

I think that’s all. I won’t be using this as a social media and this will be my last public appearance ever. Thank you for reading.

JUMPSCARE! This came in just as I logged on … I might do Galentine’s thrifting with my friends again this year 💭 Obviously, I’ll spend time with my lovely partner & boyfriend & husband ♡︎ Though I do wish more people would ask me to be their valentine … Le sigh.

I’m expecting new Kokoa art ++ a confession, perhaps … I had a dream someone specific confessed to me on my birthday, but that didn’t happen, so I’m holding out hope for Valentine’s. Don’t be a coward (Even though I’m especially fond of pathetic traits)!!! Confess to me!!! (lighthearted joking, of course…)

Do you have plans, little bug 🐞? I hope your days go lovely for you 〜 ♪

Thank you so much 〜 Today’s been such a lovely day for me!

I went to my favorite restaurant in the whole world, I got my tattoo done (Censored for privacy!), I watched Pearl with my mother and had a hard heart~to~heart with her (I’m legiterally Pearl), I got my day~of cake (Since I’m getting another for my birthday), and I finally got access to my checking account❕ I got so many drawings from online friends too, and well wishes from family. I’m greedy, so I’m dealing with some feelings with loss, but overall today has been such a magical day, and I wish it would never end!

I’m happy because everyone loves me!

Miss Zhebbie’s 🍒🤍 Thrifting 1️⃣0️⃣1️⃣ !

I wanted to make a little post with my thrifting tips & tricks since I know many like my sense of style & what not, and it’s good to buy second~hand then giving into fast~fashion demands! ☝🏼

〜 Before you go thrifting, especially if you believe in manifestation, I recommend making a pinterest board or collage with the type of styles you like and things that you’re looking for. I feel this always heightens your chances of finding something you’ll like and it’ll give purpose to your search!

〜 Check tags & be in the know of fast fashion brands — what’s the point of getting it if it’ll just be low quality and won’t last long! In a similar vein, check for stains and rips, especially on light colored clothes.

〜 Do not buy for the sake of buying — make sure you’ll wear it! If you really know you want to wear it but don’t already have something in your closet that’ll go with it, then see if you can find a matching piece. It’s such a shame to buy something that’ll just have to be resold.
↖️ In this vein — upcycle! Learn how to sew, or find a friend who enjoys it and give them your ideas for what to do. Admittedly, I have many “passion projects” sitting in my closet at the moment — clothes I bought that I see potential in upcycling but don’t have the means to yet — which isn’t an inherently bad thing, but it can be if your closet is only ‘what-ifs’!

〜 It’s best to go thrifting on weekdays (Thursday/Friday especially) and in the morning — no one has the free time to go then, so most things have been untouched. Always keep yourself up to date with when your local thrift shops restock as well!

I hope this helps somebunny 🐰 out there! The most important tip I have is to have fun! ♡︎