Yep. Shitty.

I'll have what France is having.

Idk, I have no idea

I'm sure Google is working on an algorithm to raise our babies and parents will start being fed to lions to entertain the wealthy

I'm not sure how this works in the US, but in Germany you have the right for parental leave of up to 3 y per child. You will not get payment but your job is secure. In case your original job cannot be covered for that time it might be given to sb else, but in case you return your employer has to offer you the same type of job with the same salary. Germany is actually not doing enough here, Denmark, Netherlands, France, Spain and Sweden do much more. The US ranks last in an internalional list here in an EU comparison.