Complicated. Oh so very complicated.

Somehow I don't even know where to begin explaining. Partly I'm like a cat that touches water with their paw and shakes it off in disgust, only the water is gender. Partly I'm like a cat with catnip, only the catnip is gender. Sometimes gender feels like the silliest thing in the world and sometimes it's everything.

So yeah, if we think in terms, I'm genderfluid and genderflux, as in I feel like I switch between genders and also how much gender I feel. But I also don't really know what those genders are and they often seem to contradict each other and I can feel several at the same time. The past few days I've been feeling slightly more femme and I always get imposter syndrome on those days like, did I imagine all the other stuff? Maybe I just am a lady? And then it switches again and I'm like someone please remove my boobs and also I need to look like David Harbour now.

Mostly I've just come to describe myself as non-binary because I can be pretty sure at least that much is true. Sometimes I use queer as a catch-all term because it describes both myself and my interests, which again is a whole other saga. I have never nor do I believe I ever will manage to answer the age-old question of "do I want that or do I want to be that?"

At some point I was dead set on finding a box for myself but like with most things, I got tired of it because I just couldn't fit anywhere. So nowadays I just kinda try and float through my changes without paying them too much mind. I'd still want to present more masculine on most days but like I answered in another question, the way I'm shaped makes that nigh impossible. So yeah. Complicated. And also, it is what it is. 🤷‍♂️