Oof, going for the complicated questions first thing in the morning. I’m not sure if you are asking about gender as it relates to me specifically or as it relates to society as a whole but I am going to answer for the former as I don’t feel qualified to talk about the latter.

I was assigned male at birth and that is the designation that I use. I think over time the meaning of that designation has faded. I’m not really interested in doing things just because they are typically male or discouraged from doing things because they aren’t. The decision is more just, is it me?

I imagine living alone for over a decade has influenced that. Don’t really have a choice about which household roles I perform. Also my parents never seemed to be that worried, I had both action figures and a cabbage patch doll as a kid for example.

I do appreciate the privilege I have in this as not everyone is so free to pick and choose their gender roles. I also acknowledge that my appearance, clothing style and interests would typically be described as male which makes it easy to go “I don’t care about gender” but that is what it is.

In closing, there’s a male label attached to me but I don’t worry about it too much

Complicated. Oh so very complicated.

Somehow I don't even know where to begin explaining. Partly I'm like a cat that touches water with their paw and shakes it off in disgust, only the water is gender. Partly I'm like a cat with catnip, only the catnip is gender. Sometimes gender feels like the silliest thing in the world and sometimes it's everything.

So yeah, if we think in terms, I'm genderfluid and genderflux, as in I feel like I switch between genders and also how much gender I feel. But I also don't really know what those genders are and they often seem to contradict each other and I can feel several at the same time. The past few days I've been feeling slightly more femme and I always get imposter syndrome on those days like, did I imagine all the other stuff? Maybe I just am a lady? And then it switches again and I'm like someone please remove my boobs and also I need to look like David Harbour now.

Mostly I've just come to describe myself as non-binary because I can be pretty sure at least that much is true. Sometimes I use queer as a catch-all term because it describes both myself and my interests, which again is a whole other saga. I have never nor do I believe I ever will manage to answer the age-old question of "do I want that or do I want to be that?"

At some point I was dead set on finding a box for myself but like with most things, I got tired of it because I just couldn't fit anywhere. So nowadays I just kinda try and float through my changes without paying them too much mind. I'd still want to present more masculine on most days but like I answered in another question, the way I'm shaped makes that nigh impossible. So yeah. Complicated. And also, it is what it is. 🤷‍♂️