My affinity for the teacher/student dynamic is really coming out with my latest pairing obsession, huh? 😝

Thank you for remembering this WIP! I kind of put it on pause for an indeterminate amount of time last fall, partly because I wanted more time to think on ideas to add to it, and partly because the last time I wrote it, I got too frustrated with my writing and that left a negative association with this doc. That was a little under a year ago though, and I’d really like to continue it at some point. I feel like it might end up being a bit longer than my usual oneshots, depending on what I decide I want to do with it, and I don’t have those ideas yet, so I haven’t been focusing on it like the fic ideas I do have figured out more. Alas, I am not a “figure it out as I go along” type of writer and tend to plot everything out extensively before I write.

Anyway, since I haven’t plotted this idea out that much, the following writing from my draft may very well end up being scrapped, but here’s a little bit more of this fic~

———

Yu adjusted his bag on his shoulder. “I read the book you wrote and was wondering if you had any additional reading you could give me.”

The man just snorted. “You actually read that thing?”

“Were we… not supposed to?”

“You’re what—a fourth year? Don’t tell me you’re so close to graduating and you’re still buying ‘required’ reading.”

Silence was all the reply he needed.

“Oh wow, jeez. Okay, kid—uh, what’s your name?”

“Narukami Yu.”

“All right then, Narukami-kun, let me tell you a secret. A bit too late but better late than never, I guess. Those books? We’re required to put them in as part of the curriculum. No one actually buys them, let alone reads them.”

Yu considered this for a second. It didn’t make a difference. “Even so, I like to have a full understanding of the course material.”

Adachi scoffed. “Well, then you’re a nerd. You won’t get anywhere in life by going above and beyond where there’s no actual payoff.”

“What if the payoff is a greater understanding?”

“Then you’re definitely a nerd.”

“Maybe so. Do you have any additional reading for me?”

(part 2 of question)
And another problem is that I was very rarely interested in someone. Maybe it was only twice... I mean during all this time...
I don't know what to do. I'm at a dead end.
Do you think people in reality are also the same as on the Internet? I mean in a bad way...
You can't talk at all right now?
2

I relate immensely to being upset from feeling rejected, so I’m sorry that putting yourself out there online has led to that. There are times it can feel like making the effort to interact with others is more trouble than it’s worth, especially when it leads to anxiety or the feeling of being alone/ignored. Putting yourself out there can feel draining, thankless, and hopeless, especially if you’re someone who has depression. It’s not a futile effort but I understand how it can often feel like it is.

I also can relate to that issue of rarely finding someone who truly sparks my interest. They’re certainly out there, but can be hard to find. I’m not sure if you’re primarily looking for friends, looking for a partner, or both in this case, but despite how exhausting it can be to keep trying to find someone you connect well with, I still believe it’s worth the effort. When you do find someone who gets you, it’s utterly invaluable

I think people on the internet can sometimes be harder to interact with, because if they spend the majority of their time online, they’re a bit more likely to have more difficulties with socializing. Sometimes there will be communication disconnects that adversely impact a dynamic and in no way reflect on you, but still hurt nonetheless. Many of the people who choose to avoid open, honest discussion of emotions can suffer from this, and unfortunately there are more people like that online by nature of the fact that people who dwell online are more likely to be avoiding socialization and the life skills it can teach (often out of anxiety) because it’s less direct interaction than in person and thus affords them this ability more. There are certainly plenty of exceptions, but I’ve had falling outs with people online who never learned how to maturely communicate their thoughts and feelings and instead believed limiting themselves to online interaction somehow allowed them to bypass that stage of social growth.

All of this is to say, the people you interact with online are not necessarily going to be a completely representative sample of people in the real world. There will likely be a larger proportion of people who struggle to keep up social interactions for any number of reasons (whether it be due to anxiety, a social skill they lack, or something else).

That being said though, on the flip side, I tend to gravitate towards making friends with people online more than people in person because it’s easier to find introverts who are deep and interesting people to connect with. So it can also be the case that the people you find online end up actually being less representative of the general people you’d find irl, but in a positive way

“You can’t talk at all right now?”

Since you’re anonymous, I don’t know if we’ve interacted before or not, but if so, I apologize if I’ve been distant in DMs! My life has died down a bit now but the beginning of this year was very hectic and stressful in my professional life, and the regularity of my responses to conversations has been affected. I’m able to talk but I also prioritize having time offline to myself, so if I don’t respond immediately, please do not take it personally. I’m not ignoring you, it’s just that I might be busy and finding it difficult to keep up multiple conversations in free time when I may need time to socially recharge

Hopefully this helped answer your questions, and please take care of yourself ❤️

(part 2 of question)
there were two times when two people from the fandom wrote to me under the post, but when I asked them a simple question trying to start communication with them, they didn’t answer anything, as if they thought that I would supply them with content and not tell them anything, or that I would be a fan of their content who didn’t will tell them nothing. maybe people on the Internet in general have become worse or has it always been like this? or maybe people got worse everywhere? (2)

I first joined Tumblr around 2013 or so and I think internet culture in general (on Tumblr and elsewhere) was very different back then. I’ve unfortunately noticed more of a trend in fandoms where content creators are less looking for friends and more looking for an audience. It’s tough to make friends this way when the other person’s primarily goal is getting “engagement” on their art or whatever it is that they create. I think it’s natural to want to get recognition for the hard work one puts into their craft (I know it’s something I definitely crave), but I dislike how more people are starting to view interactions with others through the lens of “this is a potential fan” and less through the lens of “this is a potential new friend”. Maybe I’m cynical because I’ve had a (former) friend like this who basically went into the dynamic with the goal of making me a member of their fanbase (and exploiting my hard work in my craft to elevate the quality of theirs through collaborations), but… yeah, it happens more frequently these days.

If I had to take a guess, I’d say the algorithmic nature of social media platforms has contributed to this a lot. People are much more focused on getting their work to be successful these days, while the focus a decade ago was much more on connecting with others in a chill, community based around meeting people who liked similar stuff.

Tumblr is actually a bit better in this respect, as it doesn’t focus as heavily on an algorithm as, say, Twitter or Instagram (the latter of which I despise tbh). But even so, I think interaction is much easier on Twitter because it’s more normal to comment, whereas most people on Tumblr communicate either directly through DMs or indirectly through tags on reblogs. There’s less of a middle ground because for some reason, people don’t like commenting on posts or even reblogging with their own thoughts. This could be because of fear of modifying someone else’s post, but it sadly leads to it being tougher to talk to people on Tumblr unless you DM. Tumblr for me is more a place where I just keep track of posts I like and occasionally post some of my own, but as for interacting with others, I don’t think it’s the ideal place. Twitter is more conducive to that despite its… current downward slope in quality 😅

If I had to give advice for making friends on Tumblr though, starting off with more subtle hints towards wanting to be friends could help rather than just DMing out of the blue. Reblog their stuff, leave your thoughts and compliments in the tags (that I can assure you they’ll almost certainly read), and just engage with their blog in a way that indicates that you find them interesting. They may check out your blog and realize by the content you post that you two have stuff in common, and might even follow you back. Most of my mutuals/friendships that started on Tumblr are kind of limited to this liking, reblogging, and commenting-in-tags dynamic, but I have been lucky enough to have some progress past that and lead to regular DMs and even friendships that have lasted a couple of years.

Sorry for the late response on this and hope it answered your question!

Oh, this is a fun story. Thanks for giving me the chance to tell it, anon!

To cut to the chase, I met my girlfriend because she wrote some really stellar Persona 4 fanfiction 😆 In a way, you were right—it was somewhat accidental (but so fortunate) that we met.

I’m someone who makes a point of leaving comments on stories whenever I can, because I know how much impact they can have on the writer. Even when I don’t think my comments could ever adequately express just how much I loved a story, I try anyway, and I most certainly felt the need to do this with her stories. With every additional chapter I read, it became evident to me not just how talented she was, but how creative, intelligent, and compassionate as well.

Her stories are very intellectually stimulating because they guide you to look inward at your own beliefs of right and wrong, who deserves redemption and why, why cruel people do what they do, and so on. And the answers her themes led to always came from a place of kindness, sympathy, and understanding. Acknowledgement of suffering while simultaneously not excusing wrongdoings. It became so clear to me that she was a mature and empathetic person, and I just couldn’t get enough of her well-written fics and the remarkable insight on life that she infused into them.

So I uh… naturally found myself writing many (often long) comments on her works. And I didn’t expect any responses. I just wanted her to know how brilliant her work was and get the recognition she deserves. But she was kind enough to respond to them, so we ended up having some interesting conversations.

We got to know each other more and more that way. But I distinctly remember the day that she checked out one of my works and… let’s just say, I was absolutely over the moon with joy when she left a comment 😭😍 I was immensely honored that a writer I looked up to so much took the time to read my work and, furthermore, actually enjoyed it. I was losing my mind a bit the night I got that email notification and read her comment!

Eventually, I followed her on Twitter, and she followed me back. I just kinda lurked for a while, too shy to DM her, until one night where I got over my nerves enough to shoot her a supportive message in reference to something she posted about that was stressing her out. This is when I realized I had a crush on her because after sending it, I was so extremely nervous (not common for me!) that I couldn’t fall asleep until 7am 😵‍💫 I realized later, after very minimal sleep due to my anxiety and overthinking, that maybe it was more than just a case of me admiring her as a writer…

Everything went well though and from then on, we DMed regularly and had some very deep and meaningful conversations that just drew me in even more. We got to know each other better, bonded over other interests we shared (it helped that the music playlists she added to her fics were full of the type of music I love!!), and overall just grew closer. DMing with her was and still is the highlight of my day.

There’s a lot more to this story that I’ll be keeping just between us because it’s so special to me, but it was a wild ride for me emotionally. From realizing I liked her, to vowing never to admit my feelings for fear of ruining our very strong friendship, to then eventually confessing my feelings and, later on, asking her to be my girlfriend, it was an emotional rollercoaster unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. I genuinely was such a skeptic about love before, and didn’t believe all the hype about how it makes you feel, but I can confirm being in love makes you feel all those overwhelming emotions you’ve probably heard about—and more. I love her immensely and am reminded daily of just how lucky I got 🥹💞

Oh yeah, and here’s her fics, if you’re curious:

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787008

Hi! You’re right that there is no DM function on AO3, but there are still ways to communicate. The best one by far is just to be an enthusiastic reader who takes the time to write meaningful comments. If you’re lucky, the author will respond and it might lead to a conversation! Authors also like to see repeat commenters, so if you end up reading multiple stories of theirs and enjoying them, don’t be afraid to comment! Some people worry about “spamming” kudos and comments, but I can assure you that nothing is more exciting for a writer than to get these. It’s not weird at all, just very flattering!

Beyond the AO3 comment section though, you can always follow your favorite writers on other social media (like Twitter or Tumblr) and interact with them there. If they have any they want readers to check them out on, they’ll usually have them linked in the “profile” section of their AO3 page, or at the bottom of their fic. If your username is consistent across AO3 and social media platforms, they’ll likely recognize you as a commenter and be more motivated to interact or even follow back. At this point, it wouldn’t be too presumptuous to DM and try to start a conversation. I’ve had it where someone DMed me to mention just how much they liked one of my works, and I think that’s a pretty safe way to start a conversation with a writer when feeling socially awkward or even intimidated. I know it’s worked when people have done it with me!

Hope this was helpful and good luck! I learned most of this by accident but it has helped a lot and I hope it can help you 😊

Hey! Sorry to hear you’ve been finding it tough to make friends. Sometimes it can feel difficult, especially when it seems like everyone already has their own group, but befriending the right people can bring a very meaningful change to your life, so I hope you can find them. Here’s some advice based on how I’ve found my friends ☺️

AO3
- Leave heartfelt comments on multiple works. These should come organically, don’t do this for the purpose of gaining friends of course. But if you find yourself wondering whether or not you should comment, the answer is yes, you probably should. I left all my comments on my girlfriend’s works because I genuinely loved the fics and felt it would be a shame if I didn’t enthusiastically share how much they impacted me. And they, in turn, impacted her, and also led to some thought provoking discussions that led us to realize that we have a lot in common.

• Posting your own content helps a lot too! My gf and I wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for her hard work on her writing, and I’ve made some friends this way, too. It’s especially useful if you’re a fan of a rare pair, because those communities are much smaller and getting to know fellow readers and writers for a pair you’re passionate about is easier. Plus, if you’re like me and self-conscious about the quality of your work, there’s less content for readers to choose from and people will take what they can get (or so I like to tell myself 😅)

Tumblr
- Interacting with people’s posts can be a useful way of putting yourself out there in a more casual, low-stakes way. One thing that has particularly helped me is leaving reactions in the tags of posts. It’s a great way for someone to see you, and I know any time I get a tag on a post, I get curious and click on the person’s blog to check them out. They’re even more likely to check you out if you leave compliments on something they made, like a drawing. People really appreciate when you do that!! It goes without saying, but only leave genuine feedback when doing this. But I’m of the opinion that any positive thought is best shared, so I make a point of letting people know how much I like their work whenever I can, and sometimes it has naturally led to us talking and becoming friends.

• If you’ve been interacting with each other’s posts or have had a conversation in replies that you’d like to continue, consider sending a DM! Or even if you just want to let them know you love their blog, art posts, etc. Having the courage to message first can be tough, especially with the fear of being rejected, but sometimes you get lucky. One of my friends DMed me expressing interest in collaborating in voice acting and it led to us doing multiple projects together and growing close as friends. They told me later that they almost didn’t DM because they were nervous, but I was grateful they did!

Miscellaneous

• Some people like to join Discord group chats to meet a lot of people. I tend to prefer more one-on-one interaction, but this is still an option to interact with a variety of different people and find a few you may want to branch off with and get closer to later on

Best of luck to you! I hope you can find some good friends. Like I said in my previous answer, sometimes friends come naturally when you get involved in stuff you enjoy and surround yourself with people who also enjoy it. But going out of your way to interact and connect with them is often a great way to meet new people you might end up becoming friends with in the long run!

Sending lots of luck and courage your way 🍀🤗

I find it funny that I am the recipient of this question because I literally found my girlfriend on AO3 during a time when I had no intention of finding anyone. I got super lucky tbh but I’m also of the opinion that (with anything in life), we make our own luck.

That in mind, I think finding a serious partner you truly “click” with is a combination of luck and putting yourself out there. Pursue interests you’re passionate about and you’ll likely make friends with those who share them. You can’t control whether you meet the right person at the right time, but you can set yourself up for success by enthusiastically pursuing what interests you and making deep, genuine connections with those around you that enjoy those things.

It’s my opinion that lesbian and bi women are at an advantage when seeking a serious female partner because in male/female couples, it’s kinda of implied that a man and a woman trying to grow closer are making an attempt to become boyfriend and girlfriend. With women though, it can be a bit more ambiguous—does she want to be my friend, or does she want to be my girlfriend? This is good imo because it doesn’t put unnecessary pressure on the two people involved to “make a relationship work” and allows for more time spent truly getting to know each other as friends. However, it can also be tougher down the line when trying to figure out whether they like you as “just a friend” or “more” (ask me how I know 😅). Absolutely worth it for a deeper and more meaningful relationship, though 💖

I feel uniquely under-qualified to answer this question but I hope I helped at least a bit. It does come down to luck somewhat, but I think it’s much more useful to just go about authentically living your life and making friends, rather than deliberately seeking out a girlfriend on, say, a dating app. I’m demisexual, so I especially have that need for a very strong emotional connection before any attraction, but I think this advice works for anyone who wants a serious partner who loves and supports them unconditionally. I have that and then some, and it was absolutely worth the wait 🥰

A great question, thank you!

A list of some of my favorites (in no particular order)

• enemies to lovers
  You really can’t go wrong with this one. Plenty of room for angst, toxicity, and emotional repression (and maybe some snarky dialogue as well ☺️). I love this both when the “lovers” stage is genuine love and when it’s “they’re dating and/or sleeping together but want each other dead… but are also wildly attracted to each other and hate it”. Goood stuff, probably my favorite ship dynamic! It’s a classic for a reason.

• age gap
  Could not care less that it’s controversial and “problematic”. It’s hot as hell.

• toxic relationship
  I love when pairings are awful to each other. I love when they corrupt one another and make each other miserable. I love when they both suffer but for whatever reason still can’t let the other go 😈

• teacher-student/mentor-student
  Goes along with my appreciation for age gap pairings but adds in another layer of power imbalance. The obvious choice here is to give the one in a position of authority the power, but I like when the younger/student one has some sort of power over their superior. Kinda took this idea for my uni AU Shuadashu fic I started writing last summer, with Yu having power over Adachi through his love, empathy, and attention (in typical Shuada fashion). Someday I’ll finish that fic 😅

• too smart for their own (and each other’s) good
  When both are insufferably intelligent and scheme together, analyze the weaknesses in one another that the other thinks no one else can see, and overall get on each others’ nerves because they’re both brilliant but also arrogant… I love it. This is a big aspect of how I write the dynamic of my long fic’s pairing actually

• protagonist-antagonist
  Often overlaps with enemies to lovers, but has that added aspect of conflicting interests/goals 👌🏻

• mutual pining but they’re both idiots
  They both love each other but are too emotionally constipated to express that, so they just suffer with their feelings. Prime angst material 🔥

• unrequited love
  Even more prime angst material. A fun way to write characters suffering!

Thanks for the ask!

I’ve always perceived Adachi to have been brought up with parents that were very emotionally distant. I think they did love him, but rarely felt the need to express this fact. Perhaps they considered it implied as part of the parent-child dynamic, and thus didn’t feel the need to overtly state their affection or even demonstrate it.

I also think that their concept of showing love likely differed a bit from what is healthy, and from what he needed. Imposing high standards on him for academics could have been their own way of caring for him, as they ultimately wanted him to succeed, but in doing so, they would have neglected to show him love just for being himself. As such, I’d say their love for him was a little too conditional. The closest thing to expressions of love he’d receive in this scenario would be praise for a job well done in school. With that in mind, getting good grades and making his parents proud would be more important to him if one of the few instances in which they showed their appreciation for him was when he succeeds academically.

I’ve wondered about why exactly his parents might be this way. It’s a little too boring in my opinion, theory-wise, to just assume that they were emotionally neglectful and pressuring without thinking about the reasons for this. I think their emotional distance and strong emphasis on his performance in school could come from a few different places. It could be the case that they were raised this way, and don’t see anything wrong with this approach to parenting, as it’s what they were brought up with. It could also be the case that one or both of them fell short in their careers and wanted to spare Adachi the pain of regrets by hyper-controlling his steps towards a career even at an early age. In this case, it could also be seen as them living vicariously through him—ensuring he achieves success where they may have failed. And lastly, it could just be the case that they were successful in their career, but were over-worked, and parenting ended up being more of a burden than expected. Not everyone who has children should, and some even regret it.

I’ve talked about this before in another RS answer, but Adachi’s a pretty great example of a character with an avoidant attachment style. Those with avoidant attachment frequently developed that way because of parents who were unable to address their emotional needs, and I definitely think that was the case with him. His uncomfortable reaction to being shown kindness by others in canon (namely Yu and Dojima) would be pretty easily explained by a general lack of familiarity with being cared for. While I don’t think his parents were abusive necessarily, I strongly suspect they were neglectful, and this reverberated into his adulthood.

In addition to just lack of emotional connection with such important figures in his early years, I think this neglect could also have taken a major toll on his self-esteem. The message their negligence in attending to his emotional needs would send is that he’s in some way not worthy of love, or that he’s not doing enough. That love has to be earned, and he’s failing. It’s not a surprise that he’d study so heavily under such circumstances, to earn their attention and approval, something that approximates love. However, the tragic fact is that when trying to gain the approval of parents who operate on such a conditional set of terms for expressing love, nothing will ever be good enough, and the expression of appreciation from achievements is fleeting. The real failure here is not his, but theirs: failing to show unwavering, unconditional love when it matters most.

Not a ton is mentioned about his parents in canon, but this is just my own interpretation based on what we do know, and my own knowledge of child emotional and personality development. Thanks for the question!

(Was gonna link my answer about insecure attachment but it seems RS has deleted a number of my past answers 🙄 In addition deleting all the asks in my inbox a few weeks ago)

A piece of art I was reminded of while writing this by one of my favorite P4 artists:
https://at.tumblr.com/louishyeon/131220835743/zjowoy7k2bcw

Ooh, this is a fascinating question!

The “self” is an interesting thing because it’s inherently comprised of internal experiences and conclusions we make about who we are. Thus, how we conceptualize ourself will not necessarily align with how others conceptualize it, since the internal experiences we have are not visible and often are difficult to express to others. People are left with only the ability to assess who another person is using what is accessible to them—primarily actions, body language/mannerisms, and words.

One crucial part of the self that people will often use to draw conclusions based on more outward characteristics like those above is personality. In the most official, standardized sense, personality is conceptualized in psychology by five measurable facets: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. This is the “Five Factor model” of personality, often represented by the acronym “OCEAN”. I think it’s unnecessarily limited in scope (personality can’t be boiled down to these 5 categories alone) and thus has some flaws. But for the sake of adherence to psychology’s standard, and for some sort of basis of comparison of traits before and after medicine, I’ll be using it here.

To cut to the chase, medication can affect these factors. Neuroticism, for example, which is characterized by tendency to experience negative emotions like anxiety, depression, worry, distress, paranoia, etc. can, predictably, be decreased by anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication. Extroversion can be increased by the same medications if social anxiety is alleviated and the individual finds themselves more inclined to interact with others with that barrier of social anxiety removed (or, at least, lowered). Conscientiousness, which includes ability to stay organized, diligent, responsible, and focused, will similarly be increased in those with ADHD who are prescribed stimulant medications like Adderall or Ritalin.

These changes don’t necessarily have to be negative, though. I think there is a lot of stigma around medication because of this whole fear of it altering who you fundamentally are, and this unfortunately prevents many from seeking treatment. When the right medication is found and prescribed at the right dose so as to achieve therapeutic benefit while minimizing side effects, often it’s just the case that the biochemical deficit that’s present is treated, and the individual becomes more functional. In the ADHD example, there’s an inherent deficit of dopamine in the individual pre-medication, and medication is prescribed to address that deficit, bringing them closer to that baseline dopamine level that neurotypicals just inherently exist at, thus making life more manageable.

Now, this isn’t to say that medication can’t have unintended negative side effects on affect, demeanor, and personality (or, personality as conceptual is by the Five Factor model, for the sake of this part of the answer, more on that later). As an example, a rather well-known challenge in psychiatry is treating “positive” symptoms of schizophrenia with medication while not exacerbating the severity of “negative” symptoms. Positive symptoms are symptoms “added” by the condition; there is the presence of something that wouldn’t be there in a non-schizophrenic. A textbook instance of this is the presence of delusions and hallucinations, as those are not typically found in those without psychosis.

On the other end of the spectrum from positive symptoms, we have negative symptoms, which are the inverse—something is removed by the condition that would otherwise be present. Examples include apathy (absence of caring), blunted or “flat” affect (absence of outward emotional expression), and social withdrawal (absence of wish to form and maintain connections and interact with others). Social withdrawal in particular could be considered a decrease in extroversion, and, thus, a measurable change in personality. The challenge in treating schizophrenia is that, while these positive symptoms get addressed by the antipsychotic medication, negative symptoms often aren’t addressed as well or actually may get worse.

However, I think this illustrates the delicate balance in psychiatry. Medicine, as a field, requires the approach of weighing the relative benefits and risks of a potential treatment, and determining whether the benefits outweigh (and warrant) the risks. In the case of schizophrenia, psychosis is, more-often-than not, extremely distressing and debilitating. Antipsychotics are frequently necessary for the functioning of those with schizophrenia, and, despite the potential drawbacks, worth it.

So, even if medication does lead to changes in personality traits, there are some instances where that would be preferable, and living without the medication would lead to poor quality of life and excessive struggle. (Another example would be panic disorder—administering medication like SSRIs to decrease neuroticism would make life much less stressful).

In summary—do meds affect personality? They can, but not always as strongly as people tend to think they do. And even in cases where they do, sometimes that’s worth it. In any case though, personality is not reducible to just these 5 constructs. And, by extension of that, the “true self” is not reducible simply to one’s personality.

It’s a lot easier for others to assess someone else’s “self” on observable personality characteristics because they’re readily available. But, while they can provide a valuable look into who someone is and what they’re like, they simply don’t tell the full story. The self also includes personal values, beliefs and perceptions about who we are, experiences and memories, outlooks on life, connections with friends and family, interests, passions, our thoughts about our purpose in life, and so on. It is impossible to define the “self” without defining it in relation to how we view ourselves, because it’s a subjective view of who you are.

Regardless of any potential personality changes, and subsequent behavior changes resultant from them, I (and most experts, too) firmly believe that medication doesn’t change who you fundamentally are. It may influence demeanor, affect, and mood, and, in many cases, is intended to for some sort of therapeutic benefit, but outward changes like this don’t change the core of a person. It’s not for others to decide whether or not we’re feeling and acting “like ourselves”, because only we can confidently state whether our actions and thoughts are in alignment with our concept of the self.

They may see deviations in behavior from what they previously noted as typical behavior for us, but these changes don’t have to be bad just because they’re different, and, more importantly, these changes don’t alter who we are as people. A depressed person may find themselves with more energy when treated for depression, and others around them may think they’re acting differently from how they’ve always known them to act, but most everyone can agree that this change would be for the better if it made the individual happier and more equipped to handle life’s challenges. They’d be a happier version of themselves, but the “self” would still be who it was before medication.

The goal of medication isn’t to alter the self, it it is to help enhance oneself to live optimally. And if one finds a medication that they feel benefits this goal, they should feel no shame in staying on it, despite what others may think or say. Because, at the end of the day, we are the ones who spend the most time with our “selves”, and we deserve to feel happy and comfortable with them.

Thanks for the question! I hope my answer was useful 💖

It should already be evident by the question itself but this answer will be NSFW. Obviously 😂 Nothing very graphic or explicit but sex is discussed

Touch-starved

Self-explanatory. This man is alone so much he doesn’t even get hugs.

Very sensitive and easily overstimulated

And BECAUSE he’s so touch-starved, all his reactions to acts of physical intimacy would probably be of greater intensity. I think his body would naturally be more sensitive in general, but add in the fact that he rarely (if ever) experiences touch from someone else, and everything would be felt that much more.

Not one for casual sex (unless as a form of self-harm)

He strikes me as the type who would not do well with casual sex. He’d assume he could be fine with it because he’s stifled so many emotions and been so numb for so long that he’d assume he just has none, but would be proven very wrong when confronted with the inherently overwhelming experience of getting close to someone in that way. I don’t see him as the type to have casual sex because of this, and also because of his general resentment for others and tendency to isolate himself.

But if he did, it would probably be deeply unhealthy and incorporate some kinks that have the potential to venture into more disordered territory when practiced for the wrong reasons in a less-than-healthy dynamic. Because the only thing stronger than his resentment for others is his deeply-rooted resentment for himself.

Masochism

Going along with the point above… it’s definitely not something he’d be proud of but if he somehow was motivated to crawl out of his self-imposed isolation long enough for this (perhaps out of desperation), I could see him using sex as a way of hurting himself just to feel something. Both literally (physical hurt) and figuratively (emotional hurt).

If he found himself in an unhealthy relationship or sexual encounter, I think he’d welcome this pain because at least it’s something other than numbness. Possibly also as a form of punishment because he thinks so poorly of himself. What would make this so unhealthy is why he’d enjoy suffering; I go into my thoughts on this a bit more in the point directly below…

Degradation

It’s been proposed by some psychologists that those who get off on being degraded are turned on by it partly because it reaffirms their negative thoughts and beliefs about themselves (kind of the opposite of cognitive dissonance) and… yeah, you can see why this wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to apply to Adachi. It seems so counterintuitive that someone would enjoy being belittled and hurt, but if they believe that’s all they deserve, to receive that treatment from others could be satisfying in the sense that it jives with their construct of their worth rather than challenges it.

(By this same logic but on the other side of the coin, this is also why I think he reacts so negatively to being shown kindness and affection—it confuses him because he doesn’t feel he deserves it, and that confusion translates into anger because of the discomfort it brings)

Praise kink

OKAY hear me out. The concept that he’d react negatively to being shown kindness and love AND the concept that he would derive satisfaction from praise can co-exist… primarily based on how healthy he would be in either instance.

He’d have to be less disordered to even entertain the possibility of there being something positive to say about him, but in a stable, loving, long-term relationship based on trust, I think this would be something he’d be very weak to. Being brought up by parents that placed heavy emphasis on him achieving in academics likely conditioned him to have some sort of dependence on praise, so being told that he’s done something well would likely be a pretty intense dopamine hit. I’ve said this before but it’s quite likely his parents’ love was conditional, something he had to earn rather than something always there regardless.

Also, it’s implied (or, at least, easy to infer) that much of his value was wrapped up in these accomplishments in the eyes of his parents, so it would also give him a sense of worth to hear that he’s doing something well. Though I think any loving partner would take this a step further and make an effort to give him praise for things that are innately related to who he is, not just something based on performance in bed. Words of appreciation like this would probably be very foreign to him. But if at some point he could somehow be healthy enough to hear stuff like this without immediately rejecting or shooting it down, I think it could bring a powerful feeling of security and value to someone who has spent so long feeling neither of those things.

Easily emotionally overwhelmed

In an established relationship where he feels truly loved and cared for enough to open up and be vulnerable, I think he would be very easily emotionally overwhelmed by sex. In fact, I’d say he’d be somewhat scared of it because of the vulnerability it requires, and it would take someone very special for him to want to be intimate. But if he managed to open up and trust, and was met with nothing but continued love and support, his anxieties would hopefully decrease a little and he’d be better able to enjoy connecting with a partner in this way. It would be a very long and treacherous road to get to this point, but it’s so sweet to imagine him accepting this love and care :’)

I find it so interesting how inseparable the psychological is from the physical in sex, and that probably (definitely) showed up in my answers to this. People tend to separate the two or focus on the physical primarily, but I’d argue the mental aspects are even more important in influencing preferences than the physical alone

Thanks for the question anon! 🙏🏻