this may just be my personal delusion but i think it's really sweet how matthew is usually the one that ramps up their insanity. like he was the one that brought up the staring at each other's lips. now they're no longer subtle. then he started hugging gunwook at fansigns, then later gunwook confessed they hug every day. matthew asked gunwook for a kiss and a month later he returned the sentiment. now he's labeling him "my dear" and choosing to make his signed post-it at a multi-group event to declare his love for another member... i fear what gunwook will write in his birthday card. and by fear i mean anticipate. i really love how open they are with expressing affection with each other because i think both of them deserve to hear that they're loved a billion times a day and like, no matter what kind of love it is like. i need it. they need it.

he is always going to take every chance he gets to pop his gunwussy and i deeply love and respect him for that like he knows he's good at working his hips (just look at how he always pulls his jacket back so you can see him move better. diabolical.). he does way too much when it comes to hip thrusts (like that one recent mattwook reel... lol) but i think it's cute how excited he gets he gets so hyped for hip thrusts lmaoooo

but yes... nice pelvis. he can move it well and i've been begging for more moves where he can go all out the way i know he loves to so seeing front and center for that... my goonwook youtube playlist is about to double in length this era i just know it. god. he's so. i need him bouncing and moaning on it

took a while to answer this bc i was wondering if i was being too mean but like i feel like being bitchy is part of office culture

hanbin: middle manager that's far from the worst manager you've ever had and you don't really hold any resentment for him but he keeps saying he'll petition his boss to give you a raise because he knows you've earned it but it never really goes anywhere and your department gets kind of bulldozed when the annual budget is being alloted

jiwoong: started working from home during covid and never returned to the office. new hires assume you made him up and are shocked when he actually shows up to the annual company dinner

hao: really milks that "unlimited" pto they had in his hiring package for all its worth but people can't begrudge him for it because he's an insanely high achiever when he does bother to show up to work. if anyone's earned going on a cruise every other month it's him. somehow has all of the office tea despite not being in office most of the time

matthew: should not be promoted to management under any circumstances. good at charming people though so he tends to get sent to conferences and along on business trips. accidentally printed out 400 invoices from 2012 once because he made a typo

taerae: the one single guy from the software engineering dept that came back into the office after covid restrictions lifted because he actively likes hanging out with people during lunch. and also he knows that if kept working from home he wouldn't be able to keep himself from playing valorant 6/8 hours and he does like this job well enough to try to keep it (or at least he'd rather keep this job than have to go through the job hunting process again)

ricky: nepo baby with a communications degree that got given a management position that he doesn't really want. keeps attempting to promote one of his subordinates to his position so that he can just be like, on the ad design team like he'd much rather be instead of running projects. gives the subordinate he's attempting to promote insane christmas gifts to make up for the fact that they're basically doing ricky's job

gyuvin: nepo baby with a communications degree #2. hao's personal assistant and doesn't really have too much to do when hao's out of office once he sets up his voicemail and autoreply so he goes to "help" in other departments (talk to his friends). probably should be hanbin's personal assistant instead.

gunwook: the subordinate that ricky keeps trying to promote. on every single committee. like you show up to any committee meeting and gunwook is definitely there, and probably a co-chair. writes all of the round-up email blasts the volunteer and DEI committees send out company-wide that most people just delete without opening

yujin: summer hire to help out with some data entry while people are on vacation. knows in the back of his head that this is probably an excellent networking opportunity for when he graduates but he would really rather just enter his silly little numbers into his silly little spreadsheets. ends up networking anyway because gyuvin needles him into attending lunchtime soccer matches once and then demands he come be on his team every time thereafter

i like music to run a red light and crash your car to. uhhh i don't really know enough about genres to really be able to articulate the types of music i like so i just made a playlist that i think is pretty decent overview of like, the kind of sounds i actively like. like if you rec me an artist that makes music that sounds like any of these songs i will almost certainly like them. or at least the songs that kind of fall in here. do not @ me about the anime music. or the macklemore. if it slaps it slaps.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5lWvyofuT3LTEzZl9IdDvA?si=l6BBn6y1QwuXgaOXxgPJrg&pi=sJeQKIhyTsS1A

i do feel that i have like... a relatively high tolerance for "noise" music compared to the average person and i'm honestly more likely to not vibe with something if it isn't "noisy" enough... like how to articulate this uh... um.... like i've mentioned before that i'm not really into how they filter the vocals on ZB1 music. the hybe autotune isn't always offensive to me tbh it's like... tuning is just as much an instrument it's like how tuning on vocaloid songs can make a massive difference in the sound. like it has to suit the input but it also needs to suit the instrumental. by whatever inscrutable metric my brain decides that lol.

so like a lot of zb1 music should definitely be my taste like, production wise. instrumentally? but like the vocals are like spiders in my oatmeal it's just sliiightly to the left enough that it's honestly more disappointing than like, if i just hated the entire song if that makes sense lol. but again. gestures at playlist. it's a mixed bag. i did try to arrange it in a way which wasn't too sonically jarring.

there's other genres i do like but like i said i don't know genres lol i just know if i vibe... i feel like i'm like. a picky eater with low standards? if that makes sense haha

since i only really got into wayv this year i've missed a lot, for better or for worse. tbh my level of involvement w nctzens is what i kind of wish i had w zeroses lmfao. like. i rt ten (ha) tweets in a row from tenyang archive. i read the funny tweets my friends are making and rting and occasionally chime in. i am blissfully ignorant of activities in the fandom at large. i cannot name half the members of nct. i watch xiaojun tiktoks. i can read social media aus without getting upset. i am at peace.

as much as i'm looking forward to the wayv cb since it'll be like, my first one as a weishennie i know that i lack the baggage that veteran fans are carrying into this, for better or for worse. probably better... so like. i'll probably have fun since i've liked the vast majority of their previous discography. i hope the guys have fun. i'm sad winwin won't be there but being vaguely aware of how many issues they've had with previous cbs it's... not the worst. it sucks but it doesn't instill evil in my heart. for now. i'm sure the evil will percolate later considering SM but lol. at least i'm isolated enough from ncity that i'm not fending off psychic attacks every week like in zeroseville....

yes!! i'm more of a casual music fan than like, a stan of anyone, half bc that's how i approached kpop in general before gunwook ate my brain but also because i feel like if i tweeted about, say, ezaki hikaru the same way i tweeted about gunwook people would be much less okay with that LOL. but she is very cute and i love her and her incredible stage presence. and also her amazing ass. anticipating wherever she redebuts post kep1er.

my favorite gg and probably the one i'd call myself a stan of is csr. my daughters. i got into idols first through like, anime and 2.5D and i feel like they really have that kind of spirit to them of just like... idk the platonic ideal of an idol chasing their dreams hand in hand with their friends because they want to make the world happy with their music i'm sappy like that. the fact they're all 05s i think gives them a unique dynamic and it's sooo cute how much they all hype each other up and get all giggly like watching their music videos and variety content just genuinely makes me happy like when they smile i smile and i remember why i loved idols in the first place. sua and yuna are my biases but i love them all theyre just... all so cute i hope they are happy i am awaiting their next cb with great anticipation. their music is fun. someone compared it to wii shop music once 😭 but like listening to it makes me smile :)

musically my faves are kwon eunbi (i own all her solo albums her music is sooo good she's so good) and viviz (i ought to own their albums because they really embody my favorite kind of music). i mostly listen to whatever spotify puts in front of me lol. and my bestie feeds me nugu releases after she accumulates enough again to have a MV watch party. my ex-roommate who got me into kpop in the first place was a huge once so half my driving playlist is still twice lol. musically i also generally like uhh purple kiss, le sserafim, everglow, aespa, sunmi. i loooved early dreamcatcher (i still like their new stuff but like early dreamcatcher's vibe is everything to me) and uhhh what else let's see. i liked f(x) in middle school but p casually bc i still thought kpop was cringe.

i'm not really invested in ggs in the same way i am with bgs but that's mostly due to my personal hangups around how my attachment to and/or attraction to women is perceived lol. like yes whenever eunbi goes to waterbomb i pass out because i am just a man but like i leave it at like. i love her music because i'm not trying to get blown up on the internet lol. but yes i am a gg enjoyer i'm just more low-key about it bc I'm more casual about them in general and also this is kind of a gooner account haha

omgg yes he would loooove sanada like his sociability and growing passion and determination and being effective but still wanting to be more and truly be a pillar for his team like... also he's sexy LOL like please go off to me about the parallels you want to draw i would love to hear them like my daiya knowledge has also been slowly leaking out of my brain but i loved those little baseball boys so much and it's kind of funny because when i was super into sports anime i wanted to shove everyone into idol aus and now that i'm into idols i wanna shove everyone into sports aus lol idk i think there's just a lot of fun and interesting parallels to be drawn about inter and intra team competition and cooperation and burning out too young and all that

also feel free to shoot me a dm or another anon w/ your @ (i can delete it w/o posting) so i can follow back and we can weeb the fuck out on tl if you want i am always more than happy to reawaken like a shonen sports anime sleeper agent and go down that au route. perhaps one day i'll return to that bnb/gmg university cycling (yowapeda lol) au that i planned a ton but didn't write too much of. or one of the (prince of) tennis aus in my head. lol maybe if i get around to watching challengers that will kick my ass back into generating tennis fic. and of course daiya my long lost love.... i think that daiya fandom was the most fights i ever got in before. well. zb1 lmfao like it was 2015 i was beefing w people on tumblr all the time because furuya is my special boy lollll

so i feel like as far as caring too little or too much goes that's just kind of a thing that Is and like with feelings in general, awareness that your emotional response to something deviates from the average doesn't inherently do much to regulate it. tbh i feel like this is a big part of why finding your audience of 3-5 sickos is so key to enjoying fandom because once you find yourself stressing too much about what too many people think of you and how your opinions are perceived that's when your misery starts compounding. but like, easier said than done.

in the interest of not repeating myself too much it's on the record that in my opinion:
- fanfiction is inherently derivative (value neutral statement) and trying to divest someone's opinion on the source material from their fic kind of strips away the joy and spirit of creating derivative works in the first place
- it doesn't make sense to treat the distinction between fiction and reality as black and white especially when it comes to rpf. fantasies and fictionalized reality are very much a thing like. boys planet was real but it was also scripted. i feel like that's the kind of vibe that characterizing rpf has.

i ended up cutting this from my thoughts on ooc and aus that probably prompted you to send this but like, as i've said before i think that sincerity makes the largest impact when writing fic and like, i feel like writing comes the easiest to you if you are writing people the way you want to write them. that's kind of like vague and self-referential but like. people have different priorities and sometimes the follow-up question to "how do i want to write matthew?" is "do i think that matthew would do this?" and sometimes it isn't. like do i think that matthew would brutally murder people and cannibalize their hearts? no. but i want to write him doing that so that's what i'm doing rn lmfao. and sometimes the opposite is true. like do i think that gunwook would be willing to fulfill someone's masochistic fantasies? yes. but like, i'm not interested in writing that without caveats so i'm not going to.

but i think that the fact that zeroses are so into "canon compliant" idolverse compared to like, how au-heavy a lot of other kpop ficdoms are causes people to give more weight to their own and others interpretations of their real-life idol personas. and like we can sit here all day debating on how much is too much to care but like the fact of the matter is that people do care, and that's less of an opinion that simply the state of reality. and again we could sit here debating all day whether it's "right" for them to feel that way but like, different people just have different priorities. sometimes even internally between what they want to write and what they want to read and that's mutable and situational.

as far as getting over that mental block about writing "right" goes i feel like it loops back around to finding your audience of 3-5 sickos. like if your fic ends up resonating with people outside of yourself and your friends' folie a [insert appropriate french number] like great! and if it doesn't then like, it's not in their niche. like as much as fandom loves to equate dislike = bad = evil like someone not liking how you write someone doesn't mean that it's bad. and that includes me too and like that's why i don't want people to see me as some sort of gunwook arbiter like i am a born hater and me not liking something doesn't mean it's wrong and bad for others to like it it just means i don't like it and i don't want to see it lmfao it's not an indictment of character

and like as far as how serious is the right amount of serious to be like. again. that varies from person to person. sometimes the fun is in being serious. it's like being a farming sim spreadsheet warrior. i think it's fun to engage in all of this meta essay writing about writing and thinking about thinking. but like i know i also have a tendency to take things too seriously and make myself miserable like i take crack way too seriously and am committed to high quality gags to my own detriment. but like again. one man's fun is another man's misery.

idk like part of the reason why i'm so forthcoming about my personal preferences is because on my first month ever participating in any kpop or rpf community (so december 2023 lmfao) i had to deal w people telling me repeatedly that i clearly don't understand matthew (with the implication i don't like him either) because of how i like to write him (not an exclusive sub bottom omega) so like i prefer to make where i stand clear. like contents are as labeled. don't go to the soup store looking for clothes but if you want soup here it is. so like. i don't blame people for being hung up on characterization because not everyone has the mental fortitude to deal with people being rude in their replies and comments and inboxes because you're not in each other's heads. like i'm not in favor of homogenizing fanfic in order to reflect majority fanon characterization but like, once you post your fic it no longer exists in a vacuum. and that can be terrifying. and y'know we can move like gunwook and still do what we think we should do, what we want to do, even if our hands are shaking and our palms are sweating but like. we're all going to feel how we're going to feel.